Scouts Rave about Mark Sanchez's Feet

by John Morgan on Apr 1, 2009 12:40 PM PDT

In an unprecedented move, team scouts requested USC quarterback Mark Sanchez complete drills with his shoes off. "We just had to see them!" enthused Texans' scout Archie Pod. "They're a work of art."

Baseball scouts look for the "good face". Basketball scouts love a nice "bubble". Football scouts know their feet, and no matter the position, footwork matters. Pod says it's chapter one in the official, unpublished scouting manual. "You definitely want a guy that can move his feet." Adding "I won't say it's a must, but you don't see too many pros that aren't ambulatory."

Sanchez isn't just walking, he's strutting. Attending scouts traded hushed silence with oohs and coos. And Sanchez embraced it. "I'm just trying to make a name for myself, mister, and if that means letting some pervert fondle my toes, I've fifty million reasons to let him." Fondle they did. Scouts measured his arch, the radial symmetry of his ball, the chubbiness and uniformity of his toes, even the smell. One scout asked Sanchez to put on an unused pair of penny loafers, "and then he said, take them off - slowly." Sanchez did.

Not every attendee was so enamored. "It's a pedestrian foot. Naïve." Quentin Tarantino continued "It's definitely a bit craggy, an athlete's foot - probably smelly."

"Not at all!" gasped Jaguars scout Morton Neuroma. "We brought in an outside expert from Germany. He insured us that Mr. Sanchez's feet registered less than one odor unit on his olfactometer." Through a translator, Olfactory Expert Verrückt Wettlauf mused enigmatically "For them I'd be crushed like Goethe's Violet."

Events ended with Sanchez lacing up his shoes to an audible groan from onlookers. Scouts compared notes and Sanchez walked off towards USC's locker room. The sun shimmered in the Los Angeles smog, slumped shoulders and clipboards split towards separate exits, and the sense something special just happened hung in the air, if only for a second. Neuroma reflected "not a speck of fungus on those beauties. Not an atom."

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well if he doesn't make it in the pros

he’ll always have a job as a foot model

by B.B.Finnegan on Apr 1, 2009 12:49 PM PDT reply actions

lolwut?

erm John. Is it uppers or downers, man?

2/3 of the world is covered by water. The rest is covered by Marcus Trufant.

by Chickadee on Apr 1, 2009 12:50 PM PDT reply actions

It may be april fools

but that was a bad post to read while I eat my lunch. Smelly cheese was a bad choice today. BURF!

by jimmimoose on Apr 1, 2009 12:57 PM PDT reply actions

I'll admit I'm a little creeped out by that one...

not a speck of fungus on those beauties. Not an atom.

That took the cake. And made me skip lunch.

by Fear on Apr 1, 2009 1:01 PM PDT reply actions

This one did it for me

One scout asked Sanchez to put on an unused pair of penny loafers, “and then he said, take them off – slowly.” Sanchez did.

freaking lol

by Nick Andron on Apr 1, 2009 1:34 PM PDT up reply actions

That's just disturbing....

…and what the heck was the loafer thing all about? Take them off slowly?

by iverson2169 on Apr 1, 2009 9:09 PM PDT up reply actions

No one knows feet like a foot fetishist

The rest of us just can’t tell that much of a difference from foot to foot, or would take the time to inspect every atom for a fungus. Let’s face it, most of us would either notice the huge, grosteque fungus growing a nail or something, or see nothing and not give it a second thought.

by Gihyou on Apr 2, 2009 12:41 AM PDT up reply actions

I Corinthians 9:24

by Southern Dawg on Apr 1, 2009 4:05 PM PDT reply actions 2 recs

Nice reference

bro.

2/3 of the world is covered by water. The rest is covered by Marcus Trufant.

by Chickadee on Apr 1, 2009 5:06 PM PDT up reply actions

Concurred.

"Part, fools!
Put up your swords. You know not what you do."

by Fearless Frog on Apr 1, 2009 5:51 PM PDT up reply actions

Wait a minute... Is this a joke?

Look at those names:
Archie Pod: foot arch
Morton Neuroma: foot aroma
Verrückt Wettlauf: In german means “crazy gamble” or can mean “crazy race”

Hmmmmmmm :)

by iverson2169 on Apr 1, 2009 9:20 PM PDT reply actions

I got it....

What is a Neuroma?
A neuroma is a thickening of nerve tissue that may develop in various parts of the body. The most common neuroma in the foot is a Morton’s neuroma, which occurs at the base of the third and fourth toes. It is sometimes referred to as an intermetatarsal neuroma. “Intermetatarsal” describes its location – in the ball of the foot between the metatarsal bones (the bones extending from the toes to the midfoot). Neuromas may also occur in other locations in the foot.

by iverson2169 on Apr 1, 2009 9:23 PM PDT up reply actions