Roger Goodell Indefinitely Suspended from Active Volcano

by John Morgan on Jul 7, 2009 11:58 AM PDT

Mt_rainier_peaks_medium

If you squint, you can see Jim Mora's boundless enthusiasm straining Roger Goodell's patience.

After, according to guide Peter Whittaker, grasping mountaineering basics "reasonably well", Roger Goodell, Jim Mora and Tod Leiweke will hike towards Camp Muir today. The hike benefits the United Way, though I'm a bit hazy as to how. Somewhere as we sit on our duffs growing fat, Goodell and Mora are bonding as only men who face down death together can bond. They're talking about scars and regrettable one night stands and great one night stands and writing their names in the snow. They're whitewashing Whittaker and asking Tod where the other "d" went. And when they share a tent tonight, Mora will subtly suggest scheduling east coast road games for 4pm and Goodell will laugh, and Mora will laugh, and Mora will say "but seriously" and Goodell will wish his newest bff good night and say "I'll think about it."

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Lol, that's great.

I have full confidence it will go something almost exactly like that.

I'm gonna go calm submissive on your ass.

by Dukeshire on Jul 7, 2009 12:18 PM PDT reply actions

That or, Jim will somehow save Goddell's life from the clutches of an icy death.

And the only right thing to do would then be to accommodate Mora’s request. We win!

Fun read.

Early prospect watch: RB C.J. Spiller, QB Jevon Snead, OT Ciron Black, DT Gerald McCoy, S Eric Berry, DT Ndamukong Suh, CB Ras-I Dowling 6'2, 200, RB Jonathan Dwyer

by Misfit74 on Jul 7, 2009 12:43 PM PDT up reply actions

Good one!

but does anyone really think Goodell could ever be persuaded to challenge the All-Important Television Schedule? Nah… you can drop all the lawyers down an icy cravass and you still won’t change that.

come to think of it, dropping the lawyers down an icy cravass sounds like a pretty good idea.

by Stevo's on Jul 8, 2009 12:14 PM PDT up reply actions

Funny

And, late

by lemonverbena on Jul 7, 2009 11:35 PM PDT up reply actions

I love the ending.

Bravo. Hilarious.

The demise of the Broncos in '09 is our future. Pray hard.

by Nick Andron on Jul 7, 2009 12:28 PM PDT reply actions

Agreed. The ending is awesome.

Seriously, though, 4PM EST start times would be pretty awesome.

"Why is it every time I need to get somewhere, we get waylaid by jackassery?" - Dr. Venture

by Eegah on Jul 7, 2009 4:54 PM PDT up reply actions

Where are the "Brokeback Mountain" references?

I demand cheap laughs.

by ninjasocks on Jul 7, 2009 12:37 PM PDT reply actions

John is too classy for dick jokes.

We’re not. :)

May I recommend KSK?

Early prospect watch: RB C.J. Spiller, QB Jevon Snead, OT Ciron Black, DT Gerald McCoy, S Eric Berry, DT Ndamukong Suh, CB Ras-I Dowling 6'2, 200, RB Jonathan Dwyer

by Misfit74 on Jul 7, 2009 12:41 PM PDT up reply actions

I'm not too classy for anything

I’ve just never seen the movie. Let me guess, it involves gay cowboys.

by John Morgan on Jul 7, 2009 12:44 PM PDT up reply actions

I haven't seen it either, but I know your guess is at least 1/2 accurate...

Early prospect watch: RB C.J. Spiller, QB Jevon Snead, OT Ciron Black, DT Gerald McCoy, S Eric Berry, DT Ndamukong Suh, CB Ras-I Dowling 6'2, 200, RB Jonathan Dwyer

by Misfit74 on Jul 7, 2009 2:09 PM PDT up reply actions

I can confirm it's about cowboys

I’m not sure what cowboys have to do with Mt Rainier though.

by Nate Dogg on Jul 7, 2009 2:34 PM PDT up reply actions

I think it's cause the Gyllenhall/Ledger couple retreated to a mountain or something to do the nasty.

Or something. I haven’t watched it yet either.

"Part, fools!
Put up your swords. You know not what you do."

by Fearless Frog on Jul 7, 2009 3:16 PM PDT up reply actions

Good call.

After all, there is the world “mountain” in the title.

(add sarcastic font to above, John, when you figure out how to do it).

by djafrot on Jul 7, 2009 3:45 PM PDT up reply actions

"I haven't watched it yet either."

“Yet”.

Heh.

by Groundhog on Jul 7, 2009 3:48 PM PDT up reply actions

Hey, it was Academy Award nominated!

Or maybe it even won Best Picture, not sure.

"Part, fools!
Put up your swords. You know not what you do."

by Fearless Frog on Jul 7, 2009 6:00 PM PDT up reply actions

I'm just picturing a scenario:

“Hey, I rented ‘Brokeback Mountain’, who wants to watch it with me?”

With a woman: castrating

Alone: awkward

With a guy: really awkward

by Groundhog on Jul 7, 2009 6:04 PM PDT up reply actions

I hear that Deadspin may start a special sports-free dick joke section soon

Though Deadspin isn’t so much of a sports blog as a sports-gossip blog.

by ninjasocks on Jul 7, 2009 12:51 PM PDT up reply actions

Deadspin died...

when they purged a ton of the “old crowd.”

I’ve taken a gander at the site a couple times since they ended my commentating rights (and believe me a host of others I enjoyed reading) and it just hasn’t been the same… I don’t believe the comments are as funny.

Please, for the LOVE OF GOD, stop suggesting next year's 1st round pick (or picks) be used for Taylor Mays and or a QB of the future. Let's just let the season unfold, people, and evaluate much deeper in the process!!!

by Tyler Jorgensen on Jul 7, 2009 6:35 PM PDT up reply actions