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Around SBN: The Best College Football Recruiting Stories

Sell Now?

Opportunity...opportunity...is knockin' at your door...

Star-divide

sellnowopeningframe.jpg picture by lemonverbena_photo

A man, seated at home and wearing a brand-new Hasselbeck away jersey, anxiously contemplates...something. His life. His fantasy starters. Praying for his favorite quarterback's health. We don't know.

 

SellNowscreenshot1.jpg picture by lemonverbena_photo

Oh shit. He's deciding whether to sell his Seahawks tickets. Is he selling the whole season? Writing this tortuous goddamn team off for good? Fans of the other 31 teams laugh and say, "SELL!" Along with no small number of Seattle fans.

 

SellNowbuynowkid.jpg picture by lemonverbena_photo

Some guy and his kid in a home Hasselbeck jersey are waiting to buy his tickets at that very moment! What are the odds of that? ~0.

 

SellNow2pregnantwife.jpg picture by lemonverbena_photo

The man, still lost in thought, has to be tapped on the shoulder to notice the presence of his wife. His hot, very pregnant wife wearing a SEATTLE FOOTBALL shirt. Which is funny because it sort of looks like a football. And a good reminder to the laundry-rooters among us that "Seahawks" is simply the nickname of Seattle's football club.

 

SellNow2pregnantwifelookdown.jpg picture by lemonverbena_photo

The man can't be bothered to even turn around and make eye contact with his gestating spouse. As he glances over his shoulder she looks down at her distended belly as if to say, "Uh, your kid? Growing inside me?" We become aware that Hasselbeck Away Jersey Guy is kind of an asshole. You noticed her enough to get her that way in the first place, guy. Nice starter beard.

Grab it in the night, grab it in the day, grab it right now it will get away, you better snatch and grab it. Snatch and grab it...

 

sellnow4beardoguy.jpg picture by lemonverbena_photo

As she drums her fingers over their unborn child, the man knows what he must do. Underneath his jersey is a brown thermal shirt, indicating that it's cold in summer and white guys in Seattle have no fashion sense. At least the marketing geniuses did their homework.

 

sellnow-sold.jpg picture by lemonverbena_photo

SOLD! He did it! Which begs the question: what took you so long? Forget the little woman was knocked up with your love child? Seattle dudes get stereotyped as slackers once again. 

 

SellNowbuynowkidcelebrating.jpg picture by lemonverbena_photo

Other Guy and his kid celebrate wildly as the transaction is completed. The stereotypes become thicker still with the Asian guy in his glasses and plastic watch. He's an engineer at Verizon with a nice townhouse, an office hutch with great light and an incongruous Seahawks flag. We get it. But Asians are smart and well-prepared, so why did he risk disappointing his football-mad son by getting tickets so late? The narrative goes off the rails a bit here.

 

sellnow-lookingoutwindow.jpg picture by lemonverbena_photo

Hasselbeck Away Jersey Guy closes his laptop and looks out the window. Is he satisfied? Wistful? He's a person that wears a jersey at home on non-gamedays so it's possible that this is a defining moment for him. He may be questioning the nature of his own existence, that of a man whose wife was forgiving enough to share in his irrational sports obsession so much that she tolerated his buying season tickets during her pregnancy and unloading them at the last minute. Or maybe he just realized that he's hopelessly henpecked for letting her make their living space look like a Pier 1 Imports showroom.

 

sellnowlastframe.jpg picture by lemonverbena_photo

Buy and sell tickets safely and securely at NFL.com/ticketexchange, a voice-over intones. Finally we see the underlying message: sit your upper-middle class ass down and give the NFL and Ticketmaster even more service fees so you won't be robbed and murdered by some undesirable off Craigslist. That they picked Seahawks fans as the most believable to be affluent computer users and ticket buyers/sellers may be a backhanded compliment. Or it could just be another insult added to a long history of insults.

Sell now? You might be tempted to sell now. Vegas has the over/under for Seahawks wins this season at 7.5. Seven to eight wins would make for a third fairly miserable season in a row. There is no bandwagon to hop off of. If you're not a true blue-and-green fan through thick and thin, then were you ever really a fan? I don't begrudge anyone unloading expensive tickets to a sporting event, especially in a bad economy. But something new and different is happening and it starts this Sunday. It might be a rough season. It's just the beginning. You'll be happy to have stuck it out through the hard times.

Sell now? Hang tough now.

GO SEAHAWKS

Comment 58 comments  |  34 recs  | 

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I love you.

That commercial has been bugging me all preseason.

Fans are typically idiots.

by The Typical Idiot Fan on Sep 10, 2010 4:53 PM PDT reply actions   1 recs

Living in Boston

This commercial has been the bane of my existence. Every Pat’s fan here won’t let me live with it. “Oh, are you going to jump off the band wagon too like Seattle Fan 1, or are you going to indoctrinate your children early like Seattle Fan 2?”

Portland transplant to Boston.

by cmcdougall on Sep 10, 2010 6:54 PM PDT up reply actions  

I think the seller should be forced to wear a Bozworth throwback jersey.

What, does he think he’ll get to go to Seahawk games AFTER the kid is born? Puh-leeeeze. He should have lied about selling the ticket and sneaked off to the game; he’d only be gone 3-5 hours, and if the wife went into labor at least she’d know he was off doing something noble like rooting for the Hawks.

Don’t sell your Seahawk tickets. Ever.

by J.L. White on Sep 10, 2010 6:12 PM PDT reply actions  

Hah!

That guy is me (uh – home jersey).

I held out for a whole year.

by Groundhog on Sep 10, 2010 6:51 PM PDT up reply actions  

Agreed.
Don’t sell your Seahawk tickets. Ever.

Seconded. Otherwise an Asian man and his midget ninja sidekick will buy them.

by SeaTownBlueDevil on Sep 11, 2010 6:54 PM PDT up reply actions   3 recs

A thousand times rec'd

My favorite part is the wistful look out the window, because that spot has bugged me the most with that commercial.

"Why is it every time I need to get somewhere, we get waylaid by jackassery?" - Dr. Venture

by Eegah on Sep 10, 2010 6:30 PM PDT reply actions  

Hilarious, Depressing, Entertaining

I give you “five stars”, well I rec’d you :)

Seriously though, the one time us ‘Hawks fans get some real screen time and it’s all about selling your season tickets away now!

Awesome write-up though. I feel like you did us all justice by critiquing it so thank you!

by StealthHawk on Sep 10, 2010 6:38 PM PDT reply actions  

While I have a different take on this painfully annoying commercial,

that goes something along these lines; away Hasselbeck jersey guy won’t look at his miserable wife because he hates her, not because he’s an asshole. It wasn’t his god damn fault she pulled the fucking goalie without his consent. She knew he was a Seahawk fan when they got married. And now that the season is here and he is planning to go to a late season game with his buddies, she has been bitching him out for weeks about leaving her to stay home with his unborn child while he has fun getting drunk with friends. So he relents and sells them, already having given up on having fun in life. It goes on from there, but you get the gist.

That said, your take was brilliant. I’m so glad I’m not alone in hating this ad.

I'm gonna go calm submissive on your ass.

by Dukeshire on Sep 10, 2010 7:04 PM PDT reply actions  

Never seen it

I didn’t know anyone still paid attention during commercials these days. Anyone have a youtube link? Don’t get me wrong, the idea relayed by the op is fantastic, but I want to see it play out in full motion.

by Agent_J on Sep 10, 2010 7:14 PM PDT reply actions  

For true Seahawks Harmony

The end of the commercial should flash forward to the childs birth where Hasselbeck guy holds his child for the first time- only to realize the kid is obviously bi-racial.

by BeaverBird on Sep 10, 2010 7:22 PM PDT reply actions   2 recs

Grade A idea!

Would read again ++

"SCANNING DEFENSES... EXPLOITING!"

by PastaMaker on Sep 10, 2010 7:37 PM PDT up reply actions  

Now that is funny!

Rec!

OOOOOH!!!!! That was NASTY!!!!!!!!

by bmxnw on Sep 10, 2010 11:26 PM PDT up reply actions  

Very sorry to hear about your mom.

It takes a while but it does get easier. How wonderful you have a girl, and a girl on the way.

inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

by shams on Sep 10, 2010 8:33 PM PDT up reply actions  

Thanks

I think its funny when people look at sports as something trivial but at the end of the day it connects us all in ways unattainable in other facets. My girlfriend hated football when we first met. Now she knows the ref isn’t doing “the hustle”. He’s making a false start penalty.

by SolarSon341 on Sep 10, 2010 10:45 PM PDT up reply actions  

Again...thank you

Like a lot of you guys I question the method to this “transaction madness” but at the end of the day I’m proud to have an NFL team to call my own and cheer my balls off for. As a fan i know i have no control over Pistol getting traded or why we took a chance on BMW. I don’t know if any of those moves will make the team better…but i do know it’s MY job to cheer for the bastards anyway

by SolarSon341 on Sep 10, 2010 11:18 PM PDT up reply actions   1 recs

I also recently found out my wife is pregnant.

This is our first year as season ticket holders and she was the one who said there was no way we’re giving up these tickets. Next year might be interesting, but we’ll be there cheering them on this year – giant belly and all.

by gongawz on Sep 14, 2010 3:07 PM PDT up reply actions  

Congrats.

Thank you, Walter Jones.
Thank you, Ken Griffey Jr.

by thebyron on Sep 15, 2010 6:44 AM PDT up reply actions  

This.

Is awesome.

by nickfru1 on Sep 10, 2010 7:26 PM PDT via mobile reply actions  

Instant FG classic post

Frame this.

4 years, 4 coaches, 7 league road wins, 0 playoff games, 1 GM. Fire Mo Johnston.

by SSreporters on Sep 10, 2010 7:55 PM PDT reply actions  

Oh Memories

My wife was VERY pregnant last season, and I still managed to make it to every game but one. She made two, waddling up to the upper 300 level. My daughter will be attending her first game this Sunday, at the ripe age of 8 months (yes, we bought her the baby earmuffs). This commercial pissed me off; first the overbearing wife. Second, it’s 8-10 days a fucking year, you can’t make time for that? Oh, and awesome post.

by ColumbiaRob on Sep 10, 2010 7:57 PM PDT reply actions   1 recs

It almost assuredly is

I don’t think you can sell an entire season in one transaction. The commercial seemed to suggest that they were unloading tickets because they had bigger priorities now. It hit a little close to home for me, that’s all.

by ColumbiaRob on Sep 10, 2010 8:44 PM PDT up reply actions  

Excellent work.

Thanks for taking the time. Rec’d for the effort alone but the job speaks for itself.

by trippsixxes on Sep 10, 2010 10:27 PM PDT reply actions  

And to think I liked the commercial...

I live in the LA area and perhaps just seeing anything from Seattle on TV down here is comforting to me.

However, as a young married guy, I appreciate the position of having to sell your season tickets and give up part of the team you love for the family. Sure, it’s sad, but the wife is sporting the team gear too – she’s a fan (of her man at least). Yeah, he’s got the wistful look, but he’s looking forward to being able to take his future child to games someday and again having the financial ability to buy tickets to see the Hawks play.

And how can you not love the young Asian boy’s excitement to go to his first Seahawk game?!! Don’t you remember your first? I remember driving up from Portland early one morning to get there early…I was sooo excited!! He can’t wait and he gets to spend quality time with his dad at a game! It’s a passing glance at the revolving nature of life, a great testament to Seahawk fans that we always support our team, a belief that the next generation will continue to root for the boys in blue even when we’re gone.

I greatly enjoyed the commercial. It reminds me of home, it reminds me of my childhood, and it makes me wish I lived closer so that I could view games in person. But then, I am a hopeless romantic…

by mwalter on Sep 10, 2010 10:31 PM PDT reply actions  

Over/under at 7.5?

Seems like a safe “under” to me. Sadly.

by Chirp on Sep 11, 2010 12:17 AM PDT reply actions  

I think so.

But the people placing bets are probably looking at the NFC West as a whole.

by Wilder. on Sep 11, 2010 5:35 PM PDT up reply actions  

Loved the thoughtful analysis, as always, Mr. Morgan.

To hear the lights have gone out on such a fine mother as yours, Solar, breaks my heart anew. Please rest assured there are now many of us who will yell with all our might to reach her in the Great Beyond on 3rd down.

To hear both you and Columbia have married wives as smart as mine gives me endless delight for the future of the franchise, and the world at large.

My wife and I cut a deal where I can watch as much football as I wish as long as I rub her feet (finally get to use my degree!). Sweet music to my ears to hear her yell that there’s football on and I better get in there!

by bleedshawkblue on Sep 11, 2010 12:29 AM PDT reply actions  

Sorry, man, middle of the night.

Stellar work, lemon, especially with the Seattle white guy fashion sense. Is he wear socks with sandals, too?

by bleedshawkblue on Sep 11, 2010 10:46 AM PDT up reply actions  

This is why a never use the "F" bomb in comments....

Because when I do it has that much more impact.

Fucking — awesome — fanpost. Classic!!!

Bring Your Game, Leave Your Name.
PS: Screen name isn't what you think it means.

by iverson2169 on Sep 11, 2010 12:52 AM PDT reply actions  

Seriously funny

My wife looked at me like I was crazy while I giggled my ass off at this

by CurryInAHurry59 on Sep 11, 2010 9:42 AM PDT via mobile reply actions  

Beauty post... but honestly, I'd be pretty happy with seven or eight wins.

Though it should be said that I’m REALLY apprehensive about this team’s future. Pete and John are not impressing me much.

by djafrot on Sep 11, 2010 12:53 PM PDT reply actions  

The wistful look

The parents (hers? his?) paid for their Pottery-Barn encrusted home, with the tacit understanding that they would provide grandchildren without delay. The trappings of their affluence are his fetters. He contemplates the Volvo SUV in his driveway. He has nowhere to go.

Seahawks Fans Cannot Be Cured

by TheLaird on Sep 11, 2010 3:39 PM PDT reply actions  

Wow

Thanks everybody for all the kind words. It beats anything I’ve had published in a dead-tree version because of the instant feedback and respect of the community. Much appreciated.

by lemonverbena on Sep 12, 2010 7:58 AM PDT reply actions  

Great stuff.

Between this and Robert’s fanpost, I am now properly excited for today’s game.

by Omerta on Sep 12, 2010 9:20 AM PDT reply actions  

Funny quote from Hasselbeck after the game:

Hasselbeck complained of seeing Chargers jerseys in the stands Sunday.

“Our fans are still amazing,” he said. “It’s probably that stupid ticket-exchange commercial.”

by Culter on Sep 26, 2010 10:53 PM PDT reply actions  

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