Dear Twelves,

It has come to my attention that Mile High Report has decided to declare war on us.

Through slander? No. 

Through obscene images? No.

Through the comparing of which team is better? Well fuck off, at least ask a serious question.

No, these bellends have decided to wage war using the age old technique of....The Limerick.

If you're anything like me, your first thought is "Limericks? Really? They're the Ryan Seacrest of poems: shallow, lame, and a bit bent. " You're second thought is "we will not stand for this amphibrachic shit". So I encourage you Twelves to read their poems, feel the unholy flames of vengeance well up inside you, and strike back with the most metal of all poetic forms:

The Big Bad Mother Fuckin' Haiku.

Haiku's are easy, but I'll give a quick course. They're 3 lines: 1st = 5 syllables, 2nd=7, 3rd=5 again. If we were going to be legit about it they should contain some form of nature reference, and a poignant truth, but....y'know, were not poets or whateva.

You are now probably thinking "Aren't haikus supposed to be peaceful?" Well not when you're using them to berate your enemies to death, obviously. Here's the drill: just title your poem, write your 'Ku, and prepare for extermination. I'll give some examples: 

The Storm Sacks the Ocean

     Mebane cracks the Line

     The Neckbeard whimpers in fear

     Blood fills a Mile High

Denial High Report

     Broncos live the lie

     "Mein Fuhrer makes no errors"

     "I swear Tebow's good"

So strap on your helmet, get out your pen, and let's go bury some damn strangers...through the beautiful art of the peaceful haiku.