Seattle Seahawks Drastically Improve Odds of Winning Super Bowl

This is an example of really strange fan-hood. or an example of a guy who took my (unpublished, but totally legitimate) betting advice that the Seahawks would go 7-9 in 2010. And also to spend the money he won on a weird green sweatshirt.

The Seahawks defeated the New York Giants in New York on Sunday, a feat so incredible that no one had done it since December 19th, 2010! Despite multiple efforts! By multiple teams! That's 282 consecutive days that the Giants went without losing a regular season game at home. Then the Seahawks flipped the bird (get it?) to that streak and marched into whatever the new Giants Stadium is called and marched back out with a victory. Even though the change in time zones is something that is apparently impossible to overcome! The Seahawks overcame that!

In doing so, the Seahawks improved their odds of winning the Super Bowl to 150-1, from 300-1 a week ago. What a difference a week (and a victory over a team whose nationwide status is inflated by playing in the country's biggest city) makes! There is so much money to be made by betting on the NFL. Billions of dollars! Probably! Especially if you know how to bet it. I've never bet on the NFL, but I think I know how it works; ergo, I can make you a billionaire!*

If there's anything that I've learned in my life, it's that betting on stuff is the best way to make money. You don't even have to work! All you have to do is put money on stuff and then when it wins, you win! Nothing is easier! Or so I've heard!

The Seahawks started the season as 80-1 underdogs, according to Las Vegas, and if anybody knows what the odds on things should be, it's Las Vegas. Or is it? Who knows! Las Vegas is a city, not a person (or many fertile plains! Or just two fertile plains! As longs as it's more than one fertile plain! And if there's anything a collective of fertile plains knows, it's football).

Now, I didn't bet on the Seahawks when they sat at 80-1, because why bet on something at 80-1 when you can bet on it at 300-1? You can get more money by betting at 300-1 than you can at 80-1. A lot more. A lot is two words, not one! But I didn't bet on the Seahawks at 300-1 either, because why would you ever bet on something that had 300-1 odds? I can't think of any reason! It would be throwing your money away!

That's why this is the perfect time. The Seahawks can still make you a lot of money. If you bet on them now! They were 300-1 a week ago, but those odds have been doubled (or halved! Depending on phrasing!) Sure, you can wait another week, but at this pace, the Seahawks will be 75-1 favorites by next week, and that would be there best odds yet. I used the wrong they're. Again! Wait two weeks, and they'll have 37.5-1 odds, and no one wants to bet on fractional odds. Wait another week, and they'll have 18.75-1 odds, and by Week 13, they'll be even money and that's really no fun at all.

Bet now. If you bet one dollar (you're a fool, cuz who bets one dollar on anything? Unless you're me? And you're dating a wager-happy Polish girl that thinks one American dollar is a lot of dough, which it isn't! It's paper! But I don't know if she knows that!), you'll win one hundred and fifty dollars. Which will buy you three Affliction shirts or 50.8% of these jeans. But who wants 50.8% of those jeans? Not me! Rather, you should bet a lot more on the Seahawks. If you bet one dollar on the Seahawks, you'd win $150, but if you bet $10,000...

You'd win $1.5 million (I think!).

Do you know what you can do with $1.5 million? Me neither! We're not so different, you and I. I bet you can buy like, I don't know, a really cool house with that kind of money. Or 72,639 of these inflatable rafts! Do you know how fast you can go down a really adrenaline-pumping river with 73,000 rafts? Not any faster than if you bought one inflatable raft and then banked the rest of the money to buy, I don't know, this boat (and who wouldn't want to buy that boat for $1.5 million based on that online ad?), or this sea-plane, or some kind of investment that will turn into more money. Do you hear that? You can turn your Seahawks money into even more money! If you bet now! Because the Doug Baldwin / Brandon Browner train is about to chugga-chugga-choo it's way into the gambling social consciousness and then you can kiss that 35,000 square-foot bouncy castle goodbye because you didn't strike when the iron was hot. Which is a cliche! That probably resonated with 19th century blacksmiths a lot more than it does with us!

So bet on the stone cold Super Bowl lock that is the Seattle Seahawks, because betting on the New England Patriots or Green Bay Packers is blase and if there's anything that Seattle Seahawks fans are not, it's blase. So go, cash out your savings and 150-ize it while cheering your (most-likely) favorite team to the Super Bowl championship! Your kids will thank you (and your wife! If you're married! And male!) Nothing is better than this!

*I know what you're thinking, and yes, I was watching the "A*Team" as I wrote this. Isn't it crazy that a movie can be made without a single attempt at a coherent plot-line? I don't know! I'm not a cinematologist!

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