Above: Numerous Seattle Seahawks try unsuccessfully to capture mythical beast Michael Turner.
I am a willful optimist. I try to find the good in people and events, I enjoy giving benefit of the doubt, and my views tend to shade slightly to the hopeful side of realism. Mostly, though, I am a self-indulgent narcissist.
With that in mind, allow me to impose upon you a list of things I like and things I don't, and assume that you care deeply about it:
I like Pete Carroll.
I don't like Pete Carroll's khakis.
I like the crowd's reaction when the Seahawks run out of the tunnel before games.
I don't like it when Century Link does that awful green glowing jumbotron eye with overly-dramatic music on every single third down.
I like talking about my fantasy football team.
I don't like you talking about your fantasy football team.
I like David Hawthorne and Leroy Hill.
I like Mike Williams as a #2 receiver more than as a #1 receiver.
Mike Williams likes tweeting about hoodrats.
I don't like the celebration penalty. It is the stupidest penalty in sports besides being disqualified for signing for the wrong score on your card in golf (even if you accidentally sign for a higher score than you shot).
I like Gus Johnson, Cris Collinsworth, and Mike Tirico as NFL announcers.
I don't like Joe Buck, Troy Aikman, and Brian Billick as NFL announcers.
I like Seattle's offensive line.
I don't like Seattle's offensive line's performance.
I don't like people cheering for Boston teams unless they're from Boston or it's surrounding area. Just because you bought your girlfriend a pink Red Sox hat and think it's fun to drop your "R"s doesn't mean you should celebrate like the prodigal son's dad whenever the Sox or Patriots or Celtics or Bruins win a title. Give it a rest already.
I like large sample sizes.
I don't like how my apartment smells the morning after I smoke cigars while I write.
I like smoking cigars while I write anyway.
I like the idea of Brandon Browner.
I don't like the San Francisco 49ers.
I do like that the 49ers are 3-1. I like that because I don't want the NFC West champion to have a losing record again.
I like that the Seahawks were in position to kick a game-winning field goal against the Atlanta Falcons.
I don't like that it was a 61-yarder.
I like that Seattle's defense has only allowed 9 TDs despite playing nearly the entire season on the dark side of the 50 yard line.
I like that Michael Turner's body makes him look like a helmet-wearing centaur.
I don't like that it takes four Seahawks to tackle him.
I like Fox's "Bob's Burgers." I think it is the best animated show on TV.
I don't like HBO's "Trueblood." I keep hearing that there are all these boobs and stuff in it but every time I watch it I see more poor-woman's-Twilight than I do areola. Side note: why the hell do word processors not recognize "areola" as a word?
I like that Seattle's offense is progressing.
I like that the offense is capable of averaging 1.41 points per minute of possession against Atlanta's defense.
I don't like that they only had the ball for 19:50 against them.
I really like that Seattle probably won't have a playoff run the year that Andrew Luck, Matt Barkley, Landry Jones, Ryan Tannehill, and Robert Griffin III are coming out of college.
I don't like that some people will say that makes me a bad fan.
I like my whiskey neat.
I like what this article says about me liking my whiskey neat.
I don't like clear liquor.
I like Kam Chancellor's development.
I like how dedicated to blocking Zach Miller is, despite signing a premier tight end contract.
I don't like how necessary keeping Zach Miller in to block is.
I like that Marshawn Lynch's speaking style is as rough and comically jagged as his running style.
I like how good Doug Baldwin has been.
I still like Golden Tate.
I don't like salad dressing.
I like my coffee black.
I like that Seattle has one of the youngest teams in recent NFL history.
I don't like that they still play like it.
I like that some of you are still reading this.
I don't like most of Darrell Bevell's play calling so far.
I don't like Nutella. There, I said it.
I like that Ray Lewis cares more about everything than everyone else cares about anything.
I like candles. I ask for them for my birthday every year.
I like that the St. Louis Rams seem a lot further away from contending than I thought they were.
I like the colors of the Seahawks' uniforms.
I don't like the Seahawks' uniforms.
I like being a part of the 12th Man.
Most of all, I really like that I get to write for Field Gulls and that this audience is much more prone to thought-out comments than the overzealous, reactionary responses I see on most sites. And I don't even care how elitist that sounds. Thank you for that.