My name is Kenny and I am a writer from FakeTeams, SBN's premiere fantasy football and baseball blog. I know Danny through a mutual friend: Me. He asked me to ask myself if the fantasy football side of my multiple personality disorder wanted to come out and talk.
After several hours of dealing with "Ginnifer," my alter-ego that's a 9-year-old girl from Oklahoma, I was finally able to contact Kenneth from Fake Teams. I have provided that previous reference to Fake Teams with a handy link. Just click on it and come on over! It even opens in a new window!
What I do over on Fake Teams during the NFL season is pretty simple. On Mondays, I write a complete recap
of the entire day in football. I do mean "complete" as it's never less than 5000 words and I try to cover everything that mattered. I also write clever headlines in hopes that Onion Sports is looking for new writers. Last week, somebody told me that he prints the articles out and sends it to his friend in the military. I didn't even know it, but I'm helping defend our country.
Before the season, I wrote a complete preview of every offense in the NFL. This is what I wrote
about the Seahawks. Honestly, that was so many weeks ago that I don't even want to read it again, for fear that it sucks and I was terribly wrong.
In the middle of the week, I'll usually just do some puff piece about fantasy football. Whatever thoughts pop in my head. And on Fridays I write a preview
for the week with Sleepers, players I don't like, and ones that I do like a lot.
After the jump, I'm going to copy and paste what WhiskeyChainsaw says every week because that sounds like its a necessary part of this post.
This IS the post for fantasy football talk. You can, if you must, add fantasy talk in additional game threads, but be warned, someone may be watching, and they may be mocking. Here, you have free rein to talk your team’s reign or your rain of injuries. Something to note, and this should be a true football fan’s golden ticket when it comes to heaven and hell and the voiding of the warranty on your soul.
The first rule of Fantasy Football, you do NOT root for players against the Seahawks.
The second rule of Fantasy Football, you do NOT root for players against the Seahawks.
On this site, for sake of your own health, NEVER cheer against the Seahawks due to your fantasy roster. My personal rule is to avoid as much as possible acquiring division rivals, or to avoid playing them against the Seahawks if reasonably possible. Statements like, "Well, at least I have Larry Fitzgerald on my fantasy team" (if) he was scorching the Hawks will unleash the hounds of hell upon you. Please don’t be that one bastard playing the "Don’t Come" line at the craps table. Not only will you bring bad mojo to everybody, but you’ll likely get verbally harassed, if not banned. You’re a Seahawk fan, you aren’t "that guy" you are one of OUR guys—act like it!
Okay, so about this week...
There are four weeks left in the regular season for most fantasy leagues. That means some people have clinched playoff spots, some people are definitely out of it, and then there is most of us: sweating it the F@#$ out.
Most leagues also still allow trades (which sounds ridiculous to me) but why not make a deal after this week? Here's a suggestion if you have Michael Bush: sweat the Darren McFadden owner into buying on him. Bush might have 0 value to you the rest of the year but you could get a hell of a deal in return.
I'd strongly suggest not sitting tight right now. Now is the time where every move matters and to look ahead to matchups in weeks 14, 15, and 16 to set the perfect playoff lineup if you feel comfortable with where you are at. Where am I at? I think this is relevant only because I claim to be some "fantasy expert" when in reality, I'm just a guy who basically has his pulse on the wire because of his job at FakeTeams.
I am in a $100, 14-team league on NFL.com with some work colleagues and I feel confident that I am the best team, or close to it, but basically being screwed over by the commissioner. I am the highest scoring team in the league, but I've caught some tough breaks and sit at 6-3 and in third place. How is the commish trying to screw me out of winning? Well, it's not that he's specifically trying to screw ME, but he has screwed me and any other team at the top.
There was an inactive manager, and so what did he do? He returned the buy-in to the manager (this was in week seven, mind you,) and vacated his 3-4 record to go to 0-7, giving wins to the three teams that he beat. If you guessed that he beat the commissioner, you would be correct. What did he do next? He dropped every single one of his players to the waiver wire, including guys like Michael Vick and Michael Turner. Also, the waiver wire re-sets every week in reverse order of the standings. As a person in third place, I had no chance at picking up any of these players.
And in just a dumb pre-season move, he gave the league three divisions. Here's a fantasy tip, or at least, something I strongly suggest: DO NOT MAKE DIVISIONS YOU IDIOT. Honestly, at the absolute worst you create two separate divisions, but stop trying to act like this is a real football league. It's fantasy. Treat it as such. What's wrong with creating three divisions in a fourteen team league? Well, can you do simple division? Because the commissioner could not apparently.
Also, the four best teams in the league are in my division. In addition to that, the two playoff byes go to the two division leaders with the most points. So the fifth place team currently is getting a bye week.
I know that being a commissioner of a competitive league is taxing, and most people don't want to do it, but if you are going to do it please don't screw everybody over. Be competent. Why does it seem like most commissioners know nothing about fantasy?
Anyways, I've ridden Matthew Stafford and Calvin Johnson to glorious glory, along with Adrian Peterson, and somehow beyond all imagination I won last week when they were all on a bye by a beautiful score of 79-70. (Typically scores in the 120s) This week I face the last place team, so hopefully nothing scary happens. I played Nick Novak last night and she played Antonio Gates and I'm happy with the results. Gates had 50+ yards. Nothing too bad.
I am also in a $200 league that I shadow-manage for a friend, splitting the profits after we profit. We are in 7th place right now at 5-4, breaking a two-game losing streak where we lost by a combined 3.5 points. Because of Sean Lee hurting his wrist against the Eagles, we needed simply one tackle out of him and did not get it. The week before, it was Darren McFaddens injury that did us in to lose by 3 points. Thems are the breaks. Sadly, we could win this week (we played Michael Bush last night. YOU. MUST. HANDCUFF. YOUR. STAR. BACKS.) and still not move into a playoff seed. Definitely need to win out.
Oh and I'm in two other leagues (1st and 3rd) but they are for no money so WHO CARES?!
Here are a couple of excerpts from my preview for sleepers and busts, etc:
5. Jason Hill versus the Colts
I could go Blaine Gabbert here, but he hasn't really done much to make me think he can have a great game against anybody right now. Let's be honest: you wouldn't play Blaine Gabbert even if I cut the legs off of the guy you're already starting. It's a phenomenal matchup, but it's also Blaine Gabbert, the guy who has five TD passes in five starts and is completing 45.7% of his passes. But that doesn't mean one of his receivers can't have a good day.
The former Washington State standout has three touchdowns in his last four games and though he's only topped 100 yards once, he faces a unit that's giving up 260 passing yards a game and a league-high 18 passing touchdowns. I would expect Hill to get something like 4 balls for 80 yards and a score.
2. Greg Little versus the Rams
Lots of questions from you folks about whether to start Josh Cribbs this week, and I'd definitely start him in return leagues. Otherwise, I like Greg Little. He's been targeted 20 more times than any other receiver in Cleveland, and though he's had his struggles (catching only 52% of those targets) let's be fair to the rookie. Wide receivers usually take time to adjust to the league. That being said, he has 21 catches in his last four weeks for 188 yards. Not spectacular, but he's got a spectacular matchup.
The Rams have given up 15 passing touchdowns this year, and why not just go out on a limb here and say that Little gets the first of his career on Sunday.
5. Brandon Jacobs versus the 49ers
With Ahmad Bradshaw out again, Jacobs gets the majority of work and this time does it in San Francisco. Good luck Brandon. The 49ers have allowed three less touchdowns than Baltimore has. The Ravens have allowed three. Could San Fran go a whole season without allowing a rushing score? That would be pretty insane, but they're halfway there. The Niners give up 3.5 yards per carry and have allowed one carry of 20+ yards. I'd stay far away from Jacobs.
5. LeSean McCoy versus the Cardinals
Arizona has given up 11 rushing touchdowns. They're defense is pretty bad. They are pretty bad. The Eagles should be leading by 14 in the first quarter and then go McCoy-McCoy-McCoy. Anything less than 150 total yards and two scores would be a disappointment. PS - McCoy is the "cutest" player in the NFL, and I don't mean that in a weird way, he just looks like a beanie baby or something. He looks like he'd be the hottest selling toy for Christmas this year.
2. DeMarco Murray versus the Bills
Do I have to shake some sense into you people? Why are there still sit/start questions with DeMarco Murray?
Fact: Murray is one of the top 10 running backs in the NFL, and the only reason he's not being considered one is because he's new. Don't let being "new" fool you. Look at the top running backs in the NFL and tell me which ones were first round picks or weren't surprises at the beginning of their careers.
Arian Foster, Fred Jackson, Matt Forte, Frank Gore, Michael Turner, Ray Rice... none of these guys were top of the line running backs when they came into the league. They were a ball of potential, just like Murray.
The Bills also have given up 10 rushing touchdowns.
Now, I guess this is where you talk about fantasy football down in the comments. Hit me on the Twitter if you have any questions or whatnot this weekend.