FanPost

Replace Pete Carroll?

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"Look! A Squirrel!"

Like many of you, I was surprise and pleased about Pete Carroll's quick-found success within the NFL after ten years in USC, and his Southern California "Rah-Rah" style was a refreshing change from Mike Holmgren's imitation of "I am the Walrus" or Jim Mora's "Dirtbag philosophy". It was nice to see Pete bring energy to a team that didn't have any in its last two years. It was perhaps even nicer to see that energy giving way to success.

However, looking back, I now reserve my judgment and feel that Pete Carroll might not live to see next year. He's a hyper diabetic 7-year old who's been drugged on a sugar high. We know that even a combination of 45 AAA Duracell Lithium Batteries, cocaine, John Meyer, and 25 cans of Rockstar can only last so long. Does he even know how much they charge for latte at Starbucks or we prohibit FourLoko? Or how many headsets he can trash and crush when we actually have a winning season? The amount of paperwork John Schneider has to waste if he goes over 200 roster moves again? Does he even realize no one jet skis across Lake Washington anymore? Jesus Christ even the energizer Bunny can't keep it up with this guy!

And sooner or later players are gonna be upset: Can Brandon Mebane tolerate a 59-year old running a faster shuttle run than he does? How many times will Carroll bear hug Okung in joy and make him sprain another ankle? What happens when Pete spanks Matt Hasselbeck so bad that he fractures his Coccyx? How can Charlie Whitehurst hold his stare on opponents when Pete's doing his "dick thrusting" move on every other big play? Will Olindo Mare accidentally roundhouse kick his face when he brings a real snake in?

Make no mistake, I love Pete Carroll. I loved that he's been sanctioned by the NCAA and hated almost by the whole state of California, yet still could keep his stupid grin up on his face like he really gives a shit. I love that he's actually youthful and immature, and unlike those old geezers Beliechick and Coughlin, still gets the hots for the SeaGals sometimes like we do. But maybe it's time he realizes that we unplug him to his supply of amphetamines and slowly put him down. And with every jump or punch he throw that's one more type of injury our medical staff has to take. We can't really afford that risk even though we have one of the top ten medical centers in the nation.

The writing's on the wall my friends: Pete Carroll has go to go.

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