15 Things I Saw in Seattle's First Preseason Game


I didn't think this was allowed. (Photo credit: AP - Mark J. Terrill.)

Here's what I saw in yesterday's game:

  1. The Seahawks take the field and played football. Halleh-fuckin’-lujah.
  2. My dreams of Russell Okung as a healthy, dominant left tackle for the Seattle Seahawks get flushed down the toilet. High ankle sprains are chronic and I’m not sure the team can rely on him to stay healthy for 16+ games a season. My gut says the Seahawks select a LT in the first round of the 2013 draft if his injuries don’t cease.
  3. PI Machine Brandon Browner get really, really lucky on multiple occasions. There will be a ref dedicated to just Brandon Browner each defensive snap this season and that ref will carry 20-30 flags, at the very minimum. Nearly half way through the season, said ref will have a third, bionic arm attached to increase his maximum penalties called per second. I mean, you can only throw so many flags with two human arms.
  4. Good push from the starting offensive line on running plays. These guys are strong. Mean. After so little practice, I came away impressed (and drunk) with them after their first game.
  5. HORRIBLE pull blocking from the starting offensive line on running plays. On one early play, I saw the push and thought "Nice hole! UNLEASH THE BEAST MOD----- shit. 3 yards? Really? Poop."
  6. Kam Chancellor blow. people. up.  Lawyer Milloy is smiling somewhere. So are most Seahawks fans.
  7. Josh Portis’ damn near PERFECTLY pull off a hummingbird impression. He failed, however, because his heart indeed did NOT explode. Holy SHIT did that guy look nervous in his first series. Afterwards, however, he did an admirable impression of a NFL quarterback.
  8. Leon Washington on offense. And here I was thinking there was some kind of obscure rule in the NFL rulebook that prevented men named "Leon Washington" from participating on offensive NFL downs. I guess I was wrong.
  9. A really, really shitty defensive back play WAY too many snaps. I don’t want to ruin it, so I’ll give you a hint: his name starts with "K" and ends with "elly Jennings". How is this guy still in the NFL. That wasn’t a question, but some kind of odd statement.
  10. Pete Carroll fist pump. This is about a rare occurrence as Charlie Sheen doing lines of coke between episodes of yelling the word "WINNING". Pretty sure Pete fist pumps after every successful shit he takes. I can just picture him sitting on the john, head tilted up, eyes gently close, slowly fist-pumping over and over again. 
  11. The Seahawks average 5.1 yards per passing attempt. Starting receivers that are talented and able to get open and consistently catch a football are incredibly overrated. (EDITOR’S NOTE: I forgot to reinstall the sarcasm font after I wiped my machine. I hope bold text can be a suitable short-term replacement.)
  12. Charlie Whitehurst is secretly competing with Michael Robinson for the guy that’s paid to run with the ball, but can also throw it. That or he’s dyslexic. Either wouldn’t shock me.
  13. [No religion]
  14. Myself drinking too many beers, leading to 15 bullets that aren’t terribly insightful or useful because I can’t honestly recall many specifics from that game, other than crying in my beer when Russell was carted off the field. But does it matter? Pre-season really isn’t that insightful, especially when a portion of the team practiced what? Five times before their first game? It was a fun game. Minus the whole Okung thing. That sucked.
  15. Shoot. I forgot this one. How about YOU guys add something you saw that was interesting, funny or insightful to help me with #15?


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