Seattle Hawku -- PS3: The Broncos

Remember when being a Bronco meant something? Every American waited in palpable anticipation, eager to see what you would do. You would put some of the most exciting players in the field on your back, and carry them to The Promise Land. It was like you could run for hours, and no one could catch you*: cattle rustlers, Raiders, and LAPD all trembled in your wake.

Remember when the Broncos possessed a nearly elite Offense, a Mike Nolan crafted Defense, and a few of the most sought after players in the League?

I sure as shit don't.

You know what I do remember? Kyle Orton and Brandon Lloyd dropping bombs on us last year.

Brandon Lloyd.

The Broncos can suck it. I do not sports-hate them like I did "once upon a time", but every season the fires of rage rekindle themselves in my soul, and I realize that blue and orange together are ugly, and Elway has Trisomy 21.

It takes a special kind of dick-bag to be a Broncos fan. Ask my friend Rory Richards; he IS that dick-bag. He's from Montana, he wears the same purple Rockies hat everyday, he grunts loud in the gym, he has long hair, and he masturbates to a picture of John Elway shaking hands with Shannon Sharpe. We took Writing 323 together, and he wrote a three page prose on Peyton Hillis (The Walrus got the last laugh there, beezy).

Anyway, I can't think of a better way to harness the mythical and ancient powers of Bronco-Hate than by reaching into our bag of holding, and pulling out The Battleaxe of Hawku (+3 to Sexterity).

You cats know the drill by now. We don't like this team, so we're going to rub their faces in our Hawkus (which are blisteringly clever). Then we are going to read what our brothers and sisters wrote down. We'll laugh. Then we can Rec the green out of them. I'll start.

Prepare for a Holy War

Tebow's on the team

But Jesus is our backup

God loves the Seahawks

Herr Josh was Always Not Wrong

Hillis and Cutler

Both Marshall and Nolan too

Thank you McDaniels

The Broncos

Suck suck suck suck suck?

Suck suck, sucksuck suck suck suck...

Suck suck suck-suck suck!

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