Report: Seattle Seahawks Sign Jeff Reed; Add Experience, Huge Nipples to Kicking Game
by Jacson Bevens on Aug 3, 2011 12:34 PM PDT
in Seahawks News & Rumors
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According to numerous reports, veteran place-kicker, and poor-man's Guy Fieri, Jeff Reed has joined the Seattle Seahawks. Well, shit.
I imagine he'll be expected to beat Brandon Coutu and Wes Bynum for the starting spot, which means the Seahawks will probably have times this season where the outcome rests squarely on the waxed shoulders of a guy who was once arrested for narrowly defeating a paper-towel dispenser in a convenience store fight. I know, I know, I hear a lot of you saying it doesn't matter about that stuff, he's a good kicker. So, let's go ahead and examine that.
The first number you look at when it comes to Reed, or any other kicker, is their field goal percentage. Reed's career FG% is 82.2, which is very nice, but I would argue that number is misleading. When it comes to kicks of 39 yards or less, Reed is a dependable 91.9%. From 40 yards are more, however, Jeff Reed's accuracy falls off as quickly as his judgment when he's drinking. Beyond 40, Reed is a career 63.2% kicker. That's a pedestrian number, and after nine seasons, it can't be written off as a small sample size, either.
Last year, the Pittsburgh Steelers cut Reed mid-season after he missed this chippie against the Patriots, and followed it up with this lame-ass interview. At that point, he was also 0-4 from beyond 40 yards and that doesn't cut it on a good team, even if you acted like a boy-scout, instead of like this (picture edited). When you act like this, you give yourself less wiggle-room. You hear that, Jeff? Stop acting like this. Seahawks fans don't want this in Ballard or Fremont. Or anywhere. Acting like this is how you end up with 66,600 results for a Google search of "Jeff Reed douche".
After that game against New England, Reed bitched about the poor quality of the Steelers' field, the ragging he gets from the Steelers fans, the unfairness of the media, and how the Pittsburgh brass won't listen to him. Pittsburgh released him shortly thereafter, and it's not hard to imagine Reed trying to push security off of him and yelling "Do you know who I am?" as they excorted him out. San Francisco signed him later in the year, and he actually kicked pretty well for them, before being released after the season.
Now he's been brought into Pete Carroll's up-beat, ultra-competitive training camp, and it will be interesting to see how he handles himself.
Jeff Reed: Hey dude, bitchin' hair.
Jon Ryan: Thanks.
Reed: Hey, you see that chick over there? I nailed her.
Ryan: Mhmm.
Reed: Yeah, she was a freak, yanawmsayin? ~Holds knuckles out for fist bump~
Ryan: Look, I'm trying to punt here.
Reed: You know what rhymes with "punt", right brah?
***
Reed: Sup Coach? Sweet shades.
Pete Carroll: Thanks.
Reed: So, I don't know if you can tell, you probably can, but I been hittin' the weights pretty hard.
Carroll: ~Shouts directions to his defensive backs~
Reed: Yup, been pumpin' some pretty serious iron.
Carroll: Who are you?
Reed: I'm your kicker, brah. I kinda look like a running back though, huh?
Carroll: Wait, you're Jeff Reed? Dadgum!
Reed: ~Flexes~
***
Reed: Sup, Bro Namath.
John Schneider: Hey Jeff, how you liking your new digs?
Reed: They're aight. I was thinkin' though.
Schneider: Mmmm
Reed: So, these jerseys, right? You can't really see the logo on them. Kinda shitty.
Schneider: Excuse me?
Reed: Yeah, like, what if we got Ed Hardy to do like a pimpin' logo. With a dragon wrapping around the back, and like a seahawk, is that a real thing? It is? Yeah, a Seahawk like carrying this heart with a dagger through it. Then we could have a banner on the chest that says "Beauty Over Death" or something real deep. You know, something rad-looking, but that still makes you think.
Schneider: No.
Reed: Affliction?
Schneider: Go kick, please.
***
Reed: Sup, brosef?
Fan at Training Camp: Uh, hey.
Reed: You like what you see out there?
Fan: Yeah!
Reed: Can't blame ya. I know most kickers don't practice with their shirt off, but most kickers don't look like this, ya know?
Fan: I wasn't referring to--
Reed: Yeah, gotta let the ol' lats breathe. ~Stretches~
Fan: Um...
Reed: Hey, George Brostanza...
Fan: Is that, is that me?
Reed: See that chick over there?
Fan:That one?
Reed: Yup. Think she'd do me? She's kinda big, but allll the ladies love them some Jeff Reed.
Fan: That's Robert Gallery.
Reed:
Fan:
Reed: You, uh, want an autograph or something?
Fan: No thanks.
***
I'm going to cheer for Jeff Reed to succeed as a Seattle Seahawk, but it will only be because his performance greatly influences the outcome of the performances of everyone else on the team. That said, Reed is destined to become one of my three least favorite 'Hawks of all time, joining Jerramy Stevens, and Jerramy Stevens.
Damnit
~~~~~~~~~~~
You can follow Jacson on Twitter @JacsonBevens, and Field Gulls @FieldGulls
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This Article Sums It Up Perfect On Jeff Reed
Almost fell outta my chair with all the JeffSpeak.
Brightened up my lunch.
Thanks.
Win Forever: Live, Work and Play Like a Champion
by JRock419 on Aug 3, 2011 12:39 PM PDT reply actions 2 recs
He Does Have One Valid Point Though
Kicking in Pittsburgh is a nightmare.
Worst field/turf in the league hands down.
Win Forever: Live, Work and Play Like a Champion
by JRock419 on Aug 3, 2011 12:41 PM PDT reply actions 2 recs
Wind swirls terribly at one end too.
I think I know enough of hate/ To say that for destruction Rice/ Is also great/ And would suffice.
by shams on Aug 3, 2011 12:41 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
Do you remember the MNF game a feww years back vs. the Ravens?
Where the field was so muddy that a punt landed and stuck into the ground?
Jeff Reed won that with a late field goal, 3-0.
Probably my favorite game I’ve ever seen.
Beast Mode, fo' real.
That was so pathetic.
I think I know enough of hate/ To say that for destruction Rice/ Is also great/ And would suffice.
That was the funniest thing I ever saw during an NFL game.
Not sure why I laughed so hard.
Posts Where The Subject Line Is In All Caps Amuse Me.
Because they mean that the OP was all like HE DOES HAVE ONE VALID POINT THOUGH. That valid point NEEDS TO BE YELLED.
by Johnny Slick on Aug 3, 2011 12:52 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
HOW DARE YOU, JOHNNY!
I SUFFER FROM CAPS IMMODULATION, AND I’M UNABLE TO CONTROL THE CAPS LOCK ON MY KEYBOARD. ALSO KNOWN AS VAN HOUTEN’S SYNDROME, CI IS A RECOGNIZED PSYCHO-MEDICAL CONDITION THAT YOU MAY HAVE READ ABOUT IN NEWSWEEK OR CRACK MAGAZINE.
I'm willing to
give him a shot to clean his act up. I mean, isn’t that basically what the Seahawks are all about? Island of Misfit Toys and all that…
That being said, if I ever see him in the men’s at Dino’s I’m not gonna stand next to the paper towel dispenser.
by Tokyo Slim on Aug 3, 2011 12:44 PM PDT reply actions 1 recs
Isn't that the Rrrrrrrrrrraidas?
Island of Misfit Toys and WRs Who Can Do Nothing But Run In A Straight Line Very Quickly?
by Johnny Slick on Aug 3, 2011 12:54 PM PDT up reply actions
The Island of Misfit Toys
The “Island of Misfit Toys”, another canonical addition to the original story, is an island sanctuary where defective and unwanted toys are sent. Among its inhabitants:
King Moonracer – a winged lion who acts as the island’s ruler, voiced by Stan Francis. King Moonracer is responsible for flying around the world each night in search of unwanted toys. He lives in a large castle atop a hill on The Island of Misfit Toys, and acts as a ‘governor’ to the island, deciding who can or cannot stay on the Island, such as Rudolph, Hermey, and Yukon Cornelius.
Charlie-In-The-Box is a misnamed, but otherwise seemingly normal jack-in-the-box who acts as the island’s sentry. Charlie is voiced by Carl Banas, who also voices several other toys in this scene.
Spotted Elephant is a polka dotted elephant and also is the island’s footman.
“A Dolly for Sue” (as she calls herself) is a seemingly normal girl rag doll with red hair and a red gingham (checkered) dress. Her misfit problem is never explained on the special, but was possibly revealed on NPR’s Wait Wait… Don’t Tell Me! news quiz show (broadcast December 8, 2007). The show revealed that Rudolph’s producer, Arthur Rankin Jr., says Dolly’s problem was psychological, caused from being abandoned by her mistress and suffering depression from feeling unloved.2
Bird Fish is a toy bird who swims instead of flies.
A misfit cowboy who rides an ostrich.
Trainer, a train with square wheels on its caboose.
A toy boat that sinks rather than floats; a squirt gun that shoots grape jelly; an airplane that cannot fly, a bear that rides a bike, and “a scooter for Jimmy”.
It is during this scene that the Marks standard, “The Most Wonderful Day of the Year” is performed by the inhabitants. Toy versions of nearly every character from this show were produced in the 1990s.
Viewers were so taken by these forlorn characters that many complained Santa was not seen fulfilling his promise to include them in his annual delivery. In reaction, a new scene for subsequent rebroadcasts was produced[citation needed] with Santa, with Rudolph in the lead, making his first stop at the island to pick up the toys.
Wikipedia, if you couldn't guess.
I know who King Moonracer and CHarlie in the box are. Some others are open to interpretation.
I could care less if he runs around Pioneer Square with his dick hanging out.
If he can make field goals.
70% of space is covered by dark matter, the rest by ET.
by hazbro24 on Aug 3, 2011 1:06 PM PDT up reply actions 5 recs
You could care less or you couldn't care less?
Sorry, pet peeve.
by wyte_lightning on Aug 3, 2011 2:44 PM PDT up reply actions 2 recs
When we lost brown and went to mare I freaked out
Mare was coming off a terrible year and I was convinced we had the worst kicker in the league and he ended up being very good. Reed does seem like a douche but he has been solid over his career and maybe he can pull out another decent year somehow. He should be motivated
by Dialectic on Aug 3, 2011 12:46 PM PDT via mobile reply actions
Yeah, but this might be a downgrade from Mare
but hey, I love a good tabloid photo and I’m thinking this guy should keep the sports pages interesting, to say the least.
As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly.
by Bisquick McBob on Aug 3, 2011 2:52 PM PDT up reply actions
So you're saying he's kinda a douche?
That’s too bad.
Learn JiuJitsu.
Always looking for that new danger.
Well, for all his kicker douchebaggery, he still doesn't match up with Josh Brown's exit interview.
I’ve seen a lot of guys act like a fool around a pool with girls in bikinis. And in a bar with girls in bikinis. And sending obnoxious pics of themselves to girls in bikinis.
Seems to me like he’s a slave to girls in bikinis.
I’d rather a kicker be that than to sign with StL so he doesn’t have to be a slave to the businessman.
"I swear I’m a closet masochist for being such a die hard fan of this team. Goddamn man." -- Raider Zealot (over at Silver and Black Pride). Heady days to be a Seahawk fan, ladies and gents. Optimism reigns supreme right now.
Since when? College?
Pretty sure he USED to have a big leg, but since his injury in 06 not so much. He also had a hip injury in 2009, which can’t bode well.
Pete Gogolak (hahaha)
I’ve never kicked, but from what I’ve been told “soccer-style” is just way more accurate and you can get more power behind it.
by NYSteelersFan4 on Aug 3, 2011 1:21 PM PDT up reply actions
In hindsight it's amazing toe-kickers lasted as long as they did.
Well, I guess people always mistrust what is new, even when it’s demonstrably better.
I think I know enough of hate/ To say that for destruction Rice/ Is also great/ And would suffice.
In a similar vein, seatbelts weren't used in hydroplanes until the 1970s and weren't a requirement until I think 1984.
Before then the thinking was that you would be thrown clear of any accident, which makes approximately as much sense as not wearing a seatbelt in a car for the same reason.
Wow, interesting stuff shams, thanks.
And I agree.
Have you seen the guy that bowls two handed? Something about increased spin and velocity as it hits the pins… it really is just as simple as people are skeptical of new apporaches to things. Unless it’s overwhelmingly proven to be a superior style, “the new way” will always be a “fad” until it is proven beyond a shadow of a doubt to be better.
by NYSteelersFan4 on Aug 3, 2011 1:33 PM PDT up reply actions
Yup.
People are less afraid of being wrong than they are of being egregious. (When you are both, you are “egregiously wrong”, and everybody hates being that.) Egregari in Latin means “away from the herd”. The point is, people don’t mind being wrong as long as others are wrong in the same way.. This fact is increasingly recognized in our society (most market traders understand that they want to be “contrarian” but how many really are?) but there are still delicious opportunities for arbitrage for those truly willing to look stupid if they fail.
I think I know enough of hate/ To say that for destruction Rice/ Is also great/ And would suffice.
by shams on Aug 3, 2011 1:42 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
I wish you graded my law school papers.
I think I know enough of hate/ To say that for destruction Rice/ Is also great/ And would suffice.
See as another example: the fact that we care about getting a kicker who can kick FGs at all.
In reality, if you’re close enough to the other team’s goal line that you can kick a FG, you should almost always go for it on 4th down. You lose the automatic 3 points (which is why nobody will do this) but even if you fail to get the first you will put the other guys in crappy field position, where a 3-and-out will give you the ball again in another good position to score a TD.
I like where your head is at.
I too agree that teams should go for it more and kick and punt less.
"I swear I’m a closet masochist for being such a die hard fan of this team. Goddamn man." -- Raider Zealot (over at Silver and Black Pride). Heady days to be a Seahawk fan, ladies and gents. Optimism reigns supreme right now.
by Tyler Jorgensen on Aug 3, 2011 2:08 PM PDT up reply actions
Football's been a conservative sport for a long time.
I think recently, as it has opened up to more passing, you are seeing more coaches take chances like that (see: Belichek).
I can see this argument for longer field goals.
“Almost always” oversells it though, I think. But then again, maybe my thinking is ossified!
I think I know enough of hate/ To say that for destruction Rice/ Is also great/ And would suffice.
Seriously, the math indicates you come out ahead in something like 90% of all in-game situations.
Field position is worth points, too. Another factor, one which makes it an even better idea than it looks on paper, is that the knowledge you’re going to go for it on 4th means you can be more conservative on 3rd – for instance, on 3rd and 4 you could call a run, knowing that if you only get 3 yards you can just call another run on 4th and 1.
And actually, the closer you are to the end zone the less a field goal gives you. If you’re 1st and goal at the 12, you can expect to get about 5 points out of that situation. A field goal there actually loses you 2 points. A turnover loses you 4, but if you get the first down again… about 5, assuming it’s like a 4th and inches situation. Even if you have a guy who is automatic from that range – and nothing is automatic – and you assume you will gain nothing but a first down there, you only need to be successful 50% of the time for that to come out even in terms of points.
If you have a lead, it’s an even bigger deal because after all you’re playing for a win, not points, and time = win percentage as well.
by Johnny Slick on Aug 3, 2011 2:20 PM PDT up reply actions 5 recs
I'm open to all of this and you make some great points.
The second and third sentences in your second paragraph are a logical fallacy though. A field goal never “loses” you points, you are just adjusting your expected value of the situation down from five points due to the fact that you just ran three plays without scoring.
I think I know enough of hate/ To say that for destruction Rice/ Is also great/ And would suffice.
by shams on Aug 3, 2011 2:27 PM PDT up reply actions 2 recs
I wouldn't call it a logical fallacy so much as a linguistic choice.
Yeah, there’s the 2 in the hand 1 in the bush aspect (which again is why the NFL doesn’t do this) but in most situations – excepting, perhaps, the end of a half or a situation where you’re down by 3 or fewer points – the expected points really ought to be counted the same as real, actual points up on the scoreboard.
If I wrote the rules,
I’d eliminate punts and field goals.
Kickers for kickoffs only. Would be some high scoring fun games.
70% of space is covered by dark matter, the rest by ET.
I grew up hearing about the Fosbury flop.
Not until I watched that clip a couple days ago had I actually seen the predecessor technique, which my brother and I dubbed the “superman” but is apparently called the “barrel roll”. It really is laughable how long it took to see what could not be more obvious to modern eyes: that going over the bar backwards is far more elegantly suited to the human frame.
I think I know enough of hate/ To say that for destruction Rice/ Is also great/ And would suffice.
What's funny to me is that you aren't allowed to go over the bar off of two feet.
I used to be able to clear 6"6" in practice two footed straight ahead, simply jumping directly over it. But in meets (I only came out for my CC team after basketball season for shits and giggles) I only cleared 6’1" using the proper form off one foot.
What difference does it make how a guy clears the bar, as long as he does it by the propulsion of his own feet.
"I swear I’m a closet masochist for being such a die hard fan of this team. Goddamn man." -- Raider Zealot (over at Silver and Black Pride). Heady days to be a Seahawk fan, ladies and gents. Optimism reigns supreme right now.
by Tyler Jorgensen on Aug 3, 2011 2:02 PM PDT up reply actions
Me too.
Maybe it was one of those antique rules that never got changed because nobody ever challenged it. Presumably with a bit of training whiskey’s one-footed-takeoff jumps would eclipse his, uh, “standing barrel roll” technique.
I think I know enough of hate/ To say that for destruction Rice/ Is also great/ And would suffice.
It was a long time ago, but back then, yes...
I would hit correctly once in a while and clear the bar by about 6 inches, but couldn’t consistently learn the form.
I was more a two foot jumper than one, but my coaching was… well… it was community college, lol.
"I swear I’m a closet masochist for being such a die hard fan of this team. Goddamn man." -- Raider Zealot (over at Silver and Black Pride). Heady days to be a Seahawk fan, ladies and gents. Optimism reigns supreme right now.
by Tyler Jorgensen on Aug 3, 2011 2:35 PM PDT up reply actions
I was hoping for a link
to a guy horribly shanking a toe-kick into some lady’s face (’spose that would be demonstrably worse, not better). But the high jump thing was still pretty cool.
It was just intense, and it was ball, and it was juice. The juice level in that room was high, and it was awesome.
Mark Moseley: last of the breed.
I remember him well.
I think I know enough of hate/ To say that for destruction Rice/ Is also great/ And would suffice.
It's an inferior style
Formerly Known As Vasilii
by Thomas Beekers on Aug 3, 2011 1:24 PM PDT up reply actions
I want Babs to beat the crap out of him
And steal his Super Bowl rings.
I went whale watching the other day. I think. There were a lot of people in that lake.
by SSreporters on Aug 3, 2011 1:23 PM PDT reply actions 1 recs
This was a funny read, well done.
I was never a huge Reed fan, mostly because of this kind of thing. But aside from that, he really was a very reliable kicker for a long time. He doesn’t have the strongest leg, but he’s got a servicable boot, and if his head is in the right place, he’s much better than average, at least in my opinion.
He’s really not a bad guy, believe it or not, but he’s quarky… unique, I guess. I hope he works out for you guys, I wish him nothing but luck.
by NYSteelersFan4 on Aug 3, 2011 1:27 PM PDT reply actions 1 recs
Thanks for checking in!
It’s going to be very difficult for me to like him. Maybe I can grow into seeing him as quirky, but until then, he’s just a tool who happens to kick for my favorite team.
I've got ridiculous upside.
by Jacson Bevens on Aug 3, 2011 1:30 PM PDT up reply actions
I understand, people like Jeff are hard to accept sometimes, like I said, I'm not really a fan either.
He’s got the personal baggage that is so public and easily search-able, but I do think that he isn’t a bad guy either, despite the crap he’s gotten himself into (quirky… that’s how you spell it, haha).
If he starts banging field goals left and right, it’s easier to overlook. That’s how it was in Pittsburgh. But if he starts missing them, as he did early last year, his personality is easily viewed the opposite way by fans, and his actions are far less tolerable to the front office. Of course, if a kicker isn’t making field coals than his worth is shot anyway, so maybe I’m overthinking it a bit.
by NYSteelersFan4 on Aug 3, 2011 1:39 PM PDT up reply actions
So, what are the odds you guys don't have it together by week 2?
Probably not very good, I’m afraid.
I think I know enough of hate/ To say that for destruction Rice/ Is also great/ And would suffice.
You never know.
I’m not a predictions guy myself, but you just never know. I’m intrigued by the Seahawks many moves the last two years, and I am sure with that kind of changing over, that it’s hard to gameplan for from an opponents viewpoint.
I as always, love the Steelers consistency overall. But there are no guarantees in football, age, injuries, etc.
I just hope both our teams are there, and healthy. Health will be key, as it always is. I wish you guys th best of luck this year, for at least 15 of the 16 weeks of the regular season of course, and into the post season (hopefully). I’ve always liked Coach Carroll, he’ll get this team, with all it’s new parts, playing his brand of football soon enough.
by NYSteelersFan4 on Aug 3, 2011 1:50 PM PDT up reply actions
You're being way too likable for a Steelers fan.
Don’t make me change my pre-conceived notions.
I've got ridiculous upside.
by Jacson Bevens on Aug 3, 2011 1:53 PM PDT up reply actions 3 recs
I better get out of here then...
I’m sure to stick my foot in my mouth soon enough. Best to leave when you’re ahead, hahaha.
by NYSteelersFan4 on Aug 3, 2011 1:54 PM PDT up reply actions
Stop.Being.Nice.
I don’t understand what’s happening right now. This guy is a Steelers fan, but he is making sense and I agree with him. There’s a glitch in the Matrix, this isn’t the proper order of events. Someone needs to wake me up.
Wait…have you ever lived in Pittsburgh?
Personally, no.
I have quite a bit of family there, and have always enjoyed the city when I am there, but have never tken up residency there.
I’ve actually looked at Seattle as a possible landing spot down the road, I’ve heard great things.
by NYSteelersFan4 on Aug 3, 2011 2:11 PM PDT up reply actions
Mystery solved!
And C-Raig picks up an “Encyclopedia Brown” merit badge.
I think I know enough of hate/ To say that for destruction Rice/ Is also great/ And would suffice.
Nothing beats learning about Interpol on an Apple II-E
I think I know enough of hate/ To say that for destruction Rice/ Is also great/ And would suffice.
At first I was like WTF, that band just came out in the early 2000's.
And then I was like “man, I am a retard”.
by djafrot on Aug 3, 2011 6:29 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
Wel sir, I would actually welcome you here.
It might be nice to have one Stealers friend to drink some amazing PNW beer with and casually hate on Sundays (and sometimes Mondays or Thursdays).
Word of caution if you make it there, maybe don’t wear your jerseys outside too much.
Hey now, this ain't Dodgers Stadium!
I think I know enough of hate/ To say that for destruction Rice/ Is also great/ And would suffice.
I'll be watching week 2 at a Steeler fan friends' house.
I fully expect to lose. Team needs to prove to me they can compete on East Coast time.
Head of catering.
I'm looking at it seriously...
At this point, I’m in need of a change of scenery. I’ll keep you in mind, if it’s something I’m going to do, it would be nice to have someone out there to catch some games with, let me in on all the local do’s and don’ts. I’m not planning on making any moves in the very short term, but I’m getting there.
by NYSteelersFan4 on Aug 4, 2011 6:10 AM PDT up reply actions
I recommend it, especially if you enjoy the finer things in life
Beer, the outdoors, good coffee, and beer. Seattle is laid back, you’d enjoy it.
I think you're dead on.
As a fan, I generally care so much more about an on-field performance that I’m willing to over-look my impressions of a player’s personality.
There is, however, a cut-off point. I don’t know exactly where that point is, but I do know that Jeff Reed is on the wrong side of it. And besides, the douchier you are, the less leash a team will give you regarding your on-field performance. (Superstars generally excluded)
I've got ridiculous upside.
by Jacson Bevens on Aug 3, 2011 1:45 PM PDT up reply actions
How do you pronounce your name?
I think I know enough of hate/ To say that for destruction Rice/ Is also great/ And would suffice.
Jack-son.
People always spell it wrong, of course.
The thing to remember is that No ‘k’ is OK.
I've got ridiculous upside.
by Jacson Bevens on Aug 3, 2011 1:51 PM PDT up reply actions
Bingo.
A lot of guys tread that line with me around the league. It’s hard to pinpoint that tipping point, but when it’s crossed, I know it.
by NYSteelersFan4 on Aug 3, 2011 1:51 PM PDT up reply actions
Dammit.
I hate Steeler fans with a shred of decency and humor.
You kind of ruin it for us, wanting to hate the whole bunch of you…
But seriously, thanks for stopping in.
"I swear I’m a closet masochist for being such a die hard fan of this team. Goddamn man." -- Raider Zealot (over at Silver and Black Pride). Heady days to be a Seahawk fan, ladies and gents. Optimism reigns supreme right now.
by Tyler Jorgensen on Aug 3, 2011 2:06 PM PDT up reply actions
Oh, I see Jacson said about the same, hahah!
"I swear I’m a closet masochist for being such a die hard fan of this team. Goddamn man." -- Raider Zealot (over at Silver and Black Pride). Heady days to be a Seahawk fan, ladies and gents. Optimism reigns supreme right now.
by Tyler Jorgensen on Aug 3, 2011 2:07 PM PDT up reply actions
I love X&O chat, but this is my favorite FG post ever.
How's that working out for you... being clever? - Tyler Durden
by YoSoyMacho on Aug 3, 2011 1:44 PM PDT reply actions 1 recs
Agreed, great stuff.
I have added the author to my twitter feed. Can glory be far on his heels now?
I think I know enough of hate/ To say that for destruction Rice/ Is also great/ And would suffice.
I can't see glory...
But I can smell him!
No K is OK
by Jacson Bevens on Aug 4, 2011 1:15 AM PDT up reply actions
George Brostanza
that was new to me…i snarfed my coffee
by jellopolis on Aug 3, 2011 1:45 PM PDT reply actions 2 recs
You've been super awesome, Steeler's fan, and I hate to do this, but.....
by J.L. White on Aug 3, 2011 3:44 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
And the honeymoon ends.
NYSteelersFan4, you are welcome back anytime. And you really should consider that move to Seattle.
I've got ridiculous upside.
by Jacson Bevens on Aug 3, 2011 3:48 PM PDT up reply actions
Thanks man, appreciate the hospitality all.
by NYSteelersFan4 on Aug 4, 2011 6:19 AM PDT up reply actions
I think he earned a towel-thwack instead, no?
I think I know enough of hate/ To say that for destruction Rice/ Is also great/ And would suffice.
That's Scruffy's bit, not mine.
I have no mercy for Steeler fans who forget to use the subject line.
Ah...
See, this is where the newb in me comes out, haha. Some sites don’t like it when you use them ever. Etiquette point taken, I’ll do my best to fall in line.
by NYSteelersFan4 on Aug 4, 2011 6:13 AM PDT up reply actions
Great transcript
I enjoy laughing out loud.
An open mind is like a fortress with its gates unbarred and unguarded.
by Corax --Nevermore-- on Aug 3, 2011 1:51 PM PDT reply actions
He's not exactly a likeable guy
But in a league that’s rife with players who have committed violent assaults, spousal abuse, DWIs (including the lamented Saint Lofa) and taking a dump in an ex-girlfriend’s hamper, I’d say this guy is pretty low on the list of people to be outraged about. Reed’s violent assault was against an inanimate object. But oh noes, he dyes his hair and seems to get his share of tail, the horror!
by Suburban Shocker on Aug 3, 2011 1:54 PM PDT reply actions 1 recs
San Fran wasn’t the right scene for you, anyway, brah.
Seattle is a much more laid back city. More your kind of town. You be the raddest, drunkest, party-hardiest brah who has ever booted a career through a couple of uprights. I’m expectin {{BIG}} things from you my brother. Like ‘public urination,’ your picture in the paper every Monday morning and overall, nonsensical over-the-top drunken debauchery.
Don’t let me down now – brah
by Shadow Hawk on Aug 3, 2011 1:57 PM PDT reply actions 1 recs
But what about Jerramy Stevens?
Jacson…Jeff Reed is Broseidon, Lord of the Brocean; I’m not even sure he, nor his pectorals, can be contained. Just strap yourself in, and let Johnny Bravo take you for a ride.
by DJ C-Raig on Aug 3, 2011 2:07 PM PDT reply actions 3 recs
Rec'd for Johnny Bravo.
That’s a great call.
I've got ridiculous upside.
by Jacson Bevens on Aug 3, 2011 2:13 PM PDT up reply actions
Seattle seems like the least likely place for this guy to end up.
Not a lot of tanning going on here.
It seems like if you can kick one place, you can kick anywhere, and vice versa, but for whatever reason it seems like sometimes kickers do kick better when they change teams.
Also, how often does Jeff Reed go up to girls in bars and say “Yo, you wanna kick it? (ha!) Get it, because I’m a kicker”
Girl: “You’re a what?”
follow @casetines
Jeff Reed looks like
Guile and Blanka from Street Fighter had a love child.
by 12th_man_syndrome on Aug 3, 2011 2:17 PM PDT reply actions 7 recs
What about the other conversation you're missing
Carroll: I take it you guys have heard about our new signing?
Forsett: Coach, you know how much we all trust you right? Everyone of us here is “In” together.
Lynch: Deezyes ryete, Co’ Peeetze.
Forsett: It’s just, this Reed guy has been walking around here the last few days, and he makes many of us uncomfortable.
Mebane: We don’t mean to question you coach, but this guys is, well…
BMW: He’s a major douche, Coach, worse that even Leinart. Kickers shouldn’t have personalities!
Carroll: Guys, I know how you feel. But we’re trying to build something here. And you have to understand what this guy brings to the organization and how he fits. I’ll let coach Cable tell you.
Cable: We know he’s a fucking douche! He’s not here to kick! All of you, score fucking touchdowns so this d-bag never steps on the field! I’m gonna punch the first person that lets a drive stall and we have to let him kick! Am I understood?
by SmartAssCoug on Aug 3, 2011 2:18 PM PDT reply actions 6 recs
For anybody who reads KSK...
Cable is our Rex Ryan.
by Woodinville_12thMan on Aug 4, 2011 12:13 AM PDT up reply actions
Skullfuck a towel dispenser, be proud of it.
Head of catering.
by jacobstevens on Aug 3, 2011 2:41 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
All My Friends
Are laughing on Facebook after I “liked this post” Looks like you are a hit.
Win Forever: Live, Work and Play Like a Champion
Thanks!
Must be nice, having friends.
I've got ridiculous upside.
by Jacson Bevens on Aug 3, 2011 6:42 PM PDT up reply actions
112 people have "liked" this post as of 7:30am this morning.
Jacson, maybe you should think about writing every day. You’d be ridiculously famous. You’d be the facebook version of Tila Tequila.
Proactive-like-Nonstop
FIELDGULLS
Honestly,
if you sent this and your epic “Better know a lunatic” post about Marshawn Lynch to KSK, Deadspin and Cracked I bet you’d get a job offer from one of them.
by thebyron on Aug 4, 2011 8:00 AM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
They can't have him, he's mine!! Field Gulls for life!
Proactive-like-Nonstop
FIELDGULLS
by Danny Kelly on Aug 4, 2011 8:57 AM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
Pauly D, Pauly Shore.
I’ll never be able to take this guy seriously.
How's that working out for you... being clever? - Tyler Durden
That nipple never blinks.
I've got ridiculous upside.
by Jacson Bevens on Aug 3, 2011 3:07 PM PDT up reply actions
It follows you as you turn the corner
I think I know enough of hate/ To say that for destruction Rice/ Is also great/ And would suffice.
My wife thought I had crossed the line
Then remembered she was 6 months pregnant, and proceeded to hit the power button once she realised he was a stealer.
For my entire life, our emerald city was set in the finest gold ring, upon a royal purple standard of excellence. The best will stumble, but the elite will always rise again.
TOM CABLE USE PUNCH!
It is super effective!
Jeff Reed’s hair highlights has fainted!
Bitches. Aussie Homer Looming.
http://yellingintextform.blogspot.com/
Sweet Article
I’m glad ya’al got a cheap version of ocho-stink-o. Now you can have some press coverage next time he screws up. Maybe he is into social media….I hope he tweets some good stuff during the game.
“Dude…..I can’t kick it in da rain!”
Chad Johnson is a hero and I will not hear otherwise.
Be grateful I dost not have mine glove on me, for I would demand satisfaction. Thou art a man comprised of things I detest: the Raiders of dreary Oakland, the Rams of Louise the VI-IX, and a dog who yaps at his betters. Sir Ochocinco is a gentleman of the highest degree…
But seriously, Chad Johnson is a legitimately good guy, who doesn't break the law, donates a lot of money to charity, and cracks a lot of jokes.
He isn’t even really a “diva”.
True, but the mouth just keeps yapping.
Entertainment……………..won’t ever be a Marshall Faulk or Barry Sanders type but that’s okay for this generation.
Welcome to the site!
We took Oaklands’s head coach, best OL, and All-Pro TE; happy to have you as well.
I've got ridiculous upside.
by Jacson Bevens on Aug 3, 2011 6:45 PM PDT up reply actions 2 recs
It's a Jersey thing...
Just watched the Jersey episode of South Park… and couldn’t help but think of this muff cabbage. He’s gahbage.
I have a real problem with this guy.
I mean an 05 Steeler? Really? Is this necessary?
Too soon for me. Makes me sick. Specially this D-bag.
I want him gone. Probably going to boo the shit out of him if I get a chance at training camp.
F that guy.
Don't forget he was with the 49ers too
Just to make himself extra unlikeable to Seattle.
Formerly Known As Vasilii
by Thomas Beekers on Aug 4, 2011 12:46 AM PDT up reply actions
I heard Jeff Reed wrote the new Smurfs movie.
No K is OK
by Jacson Bevens on Aug 4, 2011 12:53 AM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
That jerk.
Jeff Reed also sold TBS on Tyler Perry.
No K is OK
by Jacson Bevens on Aug 4, 2011 1:14 AM PDT up reply actions
KILL
Offseason 2011: The purge of Ruskell's Boy Scouts continues.
by Wayward Llama on Aug 4, 2011 4:29 AM PDT up reply actions
Rec'd for succinctness. (Succinctity?)
I don’t know why I wasted so many words when I just could’ve said this.
No K is OK
by Jacson Bevens on Aug 4, 2011 12:34 AM PDT up reply actions
Godammit.... "succinctnicity"
Wait, why am I correcting myself on a bogus word? Go to bed, DJ.
I'm glad that Jeff suffers from puffy nipples
I’m ecstatic that we can connect on that level.
I'd love to have a freak like that around
for entertainment. But I thought Coutu was super-accurate in pre-season before (do I remember correctly?), and with the shorter field for kickoffs he’s the guy I’m rooting for.
Coutu & Mare were like even in accuracy but mare had like 7 or 8 yards on him .
That’s how I see it anyway. Reed looks like he’s just trying to every last second out of his childhood. As long as he’s not out there having children & not supporting them…fine. Play on. But Coutu gets the nod from me.
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