Seven keys to beating the Steelers

The Seahawks face a tough task this Sunday, going to Heinz Field and trying to beat a Steeler team that's coming off a shellacking at the hands of the Ravens. The Steelers see the Seahawks as easy meat, but sometimes the meat can have a little bite, especially if it's served with some hard-hitting Curry. And perhaps a little Rice on the side(line).

The point is that the Seahawks do have a chance. Here are seven keys for them to pull off an upset of the hated Steelers:

1. Remind Bill Leavy of his past transgressions. Throughout the game, whenever they walk past the referee, Seahawks players need to mutter to themselves:  "Apology Crapology" and "We could have had a ring." No, we're not hoping for make-up calls, just a well-officiated game that includes a few instances of Leavy falling backwards and inadvertently tripping Ben Roethlisberger, causing him to fumble the ball into Earl Thomas' hands.

2. Unleash the secret weapon. Yes, I'm talking about Doug Baldwin, aka UDFAFOC (undrafted free agent find of the century.) Send him deep, send him wide, send him over Casey Hampton's backside.

3. Find a way to get Charlie into the game. Seahawk fans would love to see this -- and it's the easiest way to win this game: Knock Roethlisberger out and get Charlie Batch to play.

4. Put Gallery at RG. He may not be a great guard, but he's a savvy veteran who knows how to occupy defensive linemen. "Hey Keisel, like my tattoos? I got this one in Oakland. No, it's not Freddy Krueger, it's Al Davis."

5. Tell Earl Thomas that Troy Polamalu is "head and shoulders" above him as a safety. That should send him flying around the field, knocking Hines into the next Ward.

6. Play SMART football. What does that mean? Start Mario at Right Tackle. Okay, his name isn't Mario. It's Breno and he's already starting. But James Carpenter may take his spot and that wouldn't be very SBART.

7. Release the beast. No, not Marshawn Lynch, Aaron Curry. He can dominate. Just wait and see, all you Curry-bashers. He's heading to the Pro Bowl this year, and if you don't believe me, just ask Earl Thomas. He's already invited Curry to tag along.

(Not to be taken seriously, of course.)

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