That's a lot of title colons. So many colons I thought I was giving prostate exams! BODEO DODEO DOOOO this isn't a funny remark because lots of men die of prostate cancer.
All right, so before I get started here, if anybody cares, there's a good reason why I haven't been posting so much the past couple weeks of the offseason and it's not just because it's the offseason and hey Seattle Mariners how you doin'. In fact, you will be pleased to know that I broke my left arm the week before last right at the wrist and it's kind of been a PITA since then. So that also means please do not "sass" me over typographical errors and such. as you are sassing a cripple and that makes you a cripple-sasser.
Anyhoo, I hope other people remember my highly motivational Seahawks heckles from a couple months ago. Hopefully they have been used in training camp. I hear Richard "You are not even closely related to" Sherman "Helmsley but nonetheless I'm sure you must feel the loss of this great man" has been starting a lot of fights, for instance, and I would like to think that I was a part of that. In any case, now that we are seeing actual competition - granted, fake competition - it becomes that much more important to come up with some really bad heckles that will take our opponents out of the game.
As before, if you have your own you want to add, please feel free to do so. To the jump!
- Matt Hasselbeck: "I ADMIT IT I KIND OF HAVE A MANCRUSH ON YOU SO I WILL NOT EVEN MENTION THE NOODLEOSITY OF YOUR ARM BECAUSE THAT IS NOT THE POINT OF THIS EXERCISE
- Jake Locker: HEY AFTER THE GAME YOU WANT TO GO TO THAT HAWAIIAN PLACE ON THE AVE? J/K LOL MY FRIENDS TELL ME IT'S NOT VERY AUTHENTIC
- Chris Johnson: YOU LOOK A LITTLE BIT LIKE EDDIE GRANT THE GUY WHO SANG "ELECTRIC AVENUE" BACK IN THE DAY HEY THAT'S NOT RACIST IS IT I DON'T THINK IT IS ANYWAY IF IT IS THEN PLEASE DISREGARD THIS COMMENT
- Javon Ringer: YOUR MEDIA GUIDE PROFILE INDICATES THAT YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW IS THE FRESH PRINCE DO YOU THINK THAT YOU COULD DO THE CARLTON DANCE TO "ELECTRIC AVENUE"? CRAP I THINK THAT MIGHT BE RACIST TOO NEVERMIND
- Quinn Johnson: WOW WHAT IS UP WITH TENNESSEE BACKS AND DREADLOCKS I AM HOLDING UP THIS HIGHLY DECORATIVE SIGN IN YOUR HONOR SIRS
- Nate Washington: YOU MAJORED IN INFORMATION SYSTEMS LOL WHERE ARE YOUR POKEMANS NEEEEEEEEEEEEEERD
- Damian Williams : YOU PROBABLY WANTED TO PLAY FOR PETE CARROLL AT USC BUT THEN HE LEFT RIGHT WHEN YOU GOT THERE HAHAHA SUCKER THAT IS UNLESS YOU DIDN'T WANT TO PLAY FOR PC IN WHICH CASE WHAT KIND OF PERSON ARE YOU ANYWAY???
- Kendall Wright: I HAVE AN INKLING THAT MUCH OF YOUR SUCCESS WAS DUE TO RG3, NOT YOUR OWN ABILITIES
- Michael Roos: I CAN'T EVEN THINK OF ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT YOU EXCEPT THAT I AM IMPRESSED THAT YOU GRADUATED FROM EASTERN WASHINGTON SAY HI TO JON KITNA I GUESS OH WAIT MAYBE I DO REMEMBER SOMETHING BEFORE THEY WERE THE EAGLES EWU'S NICKNAME WAS THE "SAVAGES" YEAH DON'T FEEL SO GREAT HAVING THEM AS YOUR ALMA MATER NOW NOW DOES IT DOES IT DOES IT
- Steve Hutchinson: HEY I HAVE A POISON PILL FOR YOU IT'S CALLED CYANIDE AND YOU SHOULD EAT THAT POISON PILL AND THEN DIE
(I apologize. The Hutch hate still smolders)
- David Stewart: I HATE TO BE THE PERSON TO BREAK THIS TO YOU, BEING JUST SOME RANDOM GUY IN THE STANDS AND ALL, BUT YOU PROBABLY HAVE TYPE 2 DIABETES
- Derrick Morgan: PERSONALLY I THINK YOU SHOULD BE THE DEFENSIVE CAPTAIN OF THE TITANS NOT BECAUSE OF YOUR PEOPLE SKILLS ALTHOUGH I AM SURE THEY ARE QUITE LEGENDARY BUT BECAUSE CAPTAIN MORGAN WOULD BE KIND OF AWESOME ONLY YOU'D HAVE TO LINE UP ON EVERY DOWN STANDING STRAIGHT UP WITH ONE LEG IN THE AIR ON SECOND THOUGHT MAYBE THAT FANTASY DOESN'T CARRY OVER TO FOOTBALL SO WELL HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED TAKING UP BASEBALL PERHAPS?
- Sen'Derrick Marks: YOU LISTED YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE AS "THE NOTEBOOK" WHICH I AM JUST GOING TO LET STAND ON ITS OWN MERITS
- Shaun Smith: SO YOU TEACH SOMETHING CALLED 'HOT YOGA' IN THE OFFSEASON I DON'T EVEN WANT TO KNOW SIR I DON'T EVEN WANT TO KNOW
- Jurrell Casey: YOUR NICKNAME IS TUT-TUT BECAUSE ACCORDING TO YOUR BIO YOUR GRANDMOTHER SAID YOU WALKED LIKE A TURTLE WHEN YOU WERE A CHILD WELL LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING SIR VERBAL ABUSE IS STILL ABUSE AND IT STRIKES MILLIONS OF AMERICANS EVERY YEAR AND IF YOU EVER WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS I'LL BE AT THE PUMPHOUSE IN BELLEVUE AFTER THE GAME
- Kameron Wimbley: YOUR FAVORITE STATION IS ANIMAL PLANET, HUH? WELL WHATEVER YOU DO DON'T WATCH THAT SHOW ABOUT THE ANIMAL COPS BECAUSE IT IS NOT FUNNY LIKE THE SHOW ABOUT HUMAN COPS NO NOT AT ALL IT'S ACTUALLY KIND OF SAD
- Karl Klug: HEY YOU HAVE AN IDENTICAL TWIN BROTHER SO LIKE DO YOU EVER THINK ABOUT GETTING HIM A TITANS JERSEY SO THAT WHEN YOU GET TIRED YOU CAN LET HIM SUB OUT FOR YOU FOR A COUPLE PLAYS?
- Akeem Meyers: I LOVED YOUR WORK WITH THE HOUSTON ROCKETS OF THE 1980S AND 1990S
- Cormac McCarthy: YOU ARE A PRETTY DECENT AUTHOR BUT IF YOU ASK ME "THE ROAD" IS WAY DARK HAVE YOU CONSIDERED MAYBE LIGHTENING THINGS UP YOU KNOW LIKE CHRISTOPHER MOORE
- Will Weatherspoon: LIKE YOUR FELLOW OLB I WAS A BIG FAN OF YOUR WORK WITH THE PHILADELPHIA 76ERS IN THE 1990S IN FACT IT'S KIND OF COOL THAT YOU ALL CAN STILL GET JOBS IN THE NFL LIKE A DECADE AFTER YOUR NBA CAREERS CAME TO AN END
- Jason McCourty: YOU HAVE AN IDENTICAL TWIN AS WELL WTF MAN I MEAN WTF IS THIS SOME BIZARRE WAY THE TITANS ARE TRYING TO GET AROUND ROSTER LIMITS???
- Alterraun Verner: YOU KNOW I TOO HATED IT WHEN DARTH VADER BLEW UP YOUR HOMELAND AT THE BEGINNING OF STAR WARS
- Jordan Babineaux: I AM MUCH LESS BITTER ABOUT YOUR LEAVING THAN STEVE HUTCHINSON'S HOWEVER IF I SEE YOU TALKING TO EACH OTHER DURING THE GAME I WILL CUT YOU
- Michael Griffin: HOLY FREAKING CRAP TITANS A THIRD TWIN BROTHER ON THE TEAM??? I'M NOT EVEN ANGRY ANYMORE I'M JUST IMPRESSED
- Rob Bironas: YOU KNOW IT KEEPS COMING TO MIND THAT I SHOULD JUST CALL YOU 'BONER' AND MAYBE MAKE SOME GROWING PAINS REFERENCES BUT ON SECOND THOUGHT YOU PROBABLY GET THAT EVERY DAY OF YOUR LIFE AND AS A GUY WHOSE LAST NAME IS COCKROACH AND WHO THEREFORE HAD TO ENDURE QUESTIONS ABOUT "WHERE'S THEO" AND "YOU CAN'T BE KILLED BY REGULAR INSECTICIDES LOL", I FEEL YOUR PAIN NO JUST KIDDING THAT'S NOT MY REAL NAME BUT YOU DO SUCK AND BY THE WAY IS YOUR VOICE COMING FROM YOUR ARMPIT THAT'S A GROWING PAINS REFERENCE LOOK IT UP ON IMDB IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME
- Brett Kern: WE GOT EACH OTHER SHARING THE LAUGHTER AND LOOOOOVE OKAY FINE THAT WAS MORE OF A SHOT AT YOUR KICKER FRIEND BUT YOU KNOW WHAT SHUT UP STUPID BRETT KERN
- Mark Mariani: HEY I HAVE A FUNNY PRACTICAL JOKE I WANT TO PLAY ON YOU OKAY, YOU DON'T SUCK!!!! JUST KIDDING YOU DO SUCK SEE THAT WAS FUNNY, RIGHT? I WOULD EXPLAIN HOW THIS IS RELEVANT BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT YOUR GETTING DRAFTED IN 2010 WAS A PRACTICAL JOKE BUT THEN AGAIN YOU WOULD ALREADY KNOW THIS AND SO ALL THIS EXPOSITION IS SORT OF MEANINGLESS ANYWAY THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS YOU SUCK