Hello there, Seahawks fans! It's me, the Bye Week! I'm here to answer all your questions about the coming slate of football games that does NOT involve your favorite team. I'm here not only for player's to get a much-needed week off in the middle of a grueling 16-game schedule, but also gives husbands throughout America one Sunday to go antique shopping with their wives rather than risking almost certain divorce. I also get to drive fantasy football owners completely mad, and before you ask, I do enjoy costing your team wins. Your suffering sustains me.
Soooooooo, it's Seattle's bye week this Sunday, huh? I've heard of you guys. How goes the rain and coffee and Microsoft and WTO riots? I remember that stuff! Don't you love it when a guy at Pike Place Market throws a fish during the game? I assume that well-worn B-roll totally encapsulates the Seattle experience. What's it like in Southern Alaska, anyway? Do you know anyone on the cast of World's Deadliest Catch? It must be really weird living so far away from the east coast!
Anyway, I'm happy to answer any questions you might have. Enjoy your weed and gay marriage!