So with the recent EXPLOSION, nay, SEXPLOSION of witty names involving Tarvaris Jackson ("T-Joke", "T-Suck", "T-Jokesuck"), I think it's high time and only fair to come up with some for our other Seahawks players. Additionally, I am a big fan of creative heckling that will make a player cry with its accurateness and incisive commentary, so that will be included as well. If you have any you would like to add, please feel free to do so in the comments.
Doug Flan - "YOU ARE NOT A PERSON YOU ARE A DELICIOUS MEXICAN CUSTARD"
Russell Pillson - "I CALL YOU RUSSELL PILLSON BECAUSE IT RHYMES WITH YOUR NAME AND ALSO YOU ARE A PILL"
Marshawn Lunch - "YOU REMIND ME OF A DELICIOUS LUNCH"
Sidney "Jim " Rice - "YOU ARE IN THE BASEBALL HALL OF FAME BUT TRUTH BE TOLD YOU DON'T REALLY DESERVE TO BE THERE BECAUSE FRANKLY YOU WERE VERY AVERAGE IN THE 1980s EXCEPT FOR 1986 WHICH WAS GOOD ENOUGH FOR A RING I GUESS EXCEPT FOR CALVIN SCHIRALDI"
Mike Pilliams - "WHAT ARE YOU RUSSELL PILLSON'S BROTHER? BECAUSE YOU BOTH HAVE THE WORD PILL IN YOUR NAME NOW. HAHAHHA. ALSO YOU ARE FAT"
Russell Boku - "I DON'T WATCH DRAGON BALL Z BUT IF I DID YOU WOULD BE STUPID"
Zach 'The Light Fandango' Miller - "YOUR FACE WAS ALREADY GHOSTLY WHEN... YOU TOLD... YOUR TALE!"
Kellen "Michael" Winslow - "I LOVED YOU IN POLICE ACADEMY I GUESS THAT'S NOT REALLY AN INSULT"
Ben "Barack" Obomanu - "NO POLITICS IN THE FG FORUMS PLEASE"
Robert Valerie - "EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE NO LONGER ON THIS TEAM I FEEL I SHOULD POINT OUT THAT YOU ARE A 1980s STEVE WINWOOD SONG"
James 'Ruly' Carpenter - "I COULD HAVE WENT WITH JESUS BUT THESE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE INSULTS AND INSTEAD YOU BEAR A STRIKING RESEMBLANCE TO THE FORMER PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES OWNER EXCEPT HE WAS WHITE AND YOU ARE BLACK"
Chris "Lemon" Clemons - "YOU ARE A CAR THAT RUNS POORLY AND ALSO AN INGREDIENT OF A DELICIOUS SUMMER DRINK"
Red "James" Bryant - "I FIND IT HIGHLY IRONIC THAT YOU ARE THE SON IN LAW OF A FORMER SEAHAWKS DEFENSIVE LINEMAN AND IT'S NOT JAMES BRYANT"
KJ "K-Joke" Wright - "I AM UNORIGINAL IN MY INSULTS"
Barrett "Dream of the" Ruud - "YOU ARE A MEDIEVAL ALLEGORY YEAH TAKE THAT IF YOU CAN STAND IT"
Earl "Marquis" Thomas - "YOU ARE SO BAD THAT YOU HAVE BEEN DEMOTED AND ALSO YOUR NEW NAME REMINDS ME OF MARQUIS GRISSOM WHICH I GUESS MEANS YOU ARE OLD AND OVERRATED AND WOW I SURE HAVE A LOT OF REFERENCES TO BASEBALL IN THIS BUT I GUESS THAT'S OKAY ANYWAY YOU SUCK"
Kam "Spymaster" Chancellor - "IF YOU WERE IN MY COURT IN CRUSADER KINGS 2 I WOULD HAVE SOMEONE WITH BETTER RATINGS AS MY SPYMASTER BUT I GUESS YOU COULD BE THE CHANCELLOR OR MAYBE THE DIOCESE BISHOP"