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Flynn Vs. Wilson = Politics: You are tearing me apart Lisa!

This time of the year is the worst. All of us want the same thing and yet we are all divided into two camps. The later into Summer we get, the farther and farther we push away from one another. We become divisive, insulting jerks to one another. I hate it. The worst part is that relief won't come when someone is declared the winner. For weeks on end, people will take jabs at one another stating that their guy is/should have been the best guy for the job and the other guy will/would be a complete fucktard. Usually, I have football to distract me from presidential election season. But nope. Not this year. We have Russell Wilson and Matt Flynn camps tearing a seam in the Seahawk fabric... and shit guys, these threads are brand fucking new.

To be fair, I don't think a large amount of fans care a too much who Pete Carroll chooses. We all have preferences, but honestly: Both guys look good. They each have their own positives and negatives. We can succeed with either in my opinion. But there is a growing rift... a (hopefully) small minority that is loud as shit and yelling at each other from across the aisle.


Before we go forward, let's take a moment and reflect on the past. For almost a decade we were very lucky. We had Franklin D. Rooselbeck in office. He brought us through some pretty rough times into some pretty great times and was in a wheel chair before he left. Unfortunately, the Rooselbeck era was followed by William Henry Tavarison who beat out the seeming favorite Martin Van Whitehurst. Tavarison couldn't even make it through his inauguration without getting pneumonia. His first act as president was to die.

And now we are standing at the doorway to the future. We are resting our fate on the arm of one of two untested young men. Yet extreme Russublicans and Flynnocrats are trying to rip us apart. I beg of all of you, please don't let it happen. We are all here for the same reason: to watch our Seahawk Nation beat the shit out of all the pussy-ass countries around us. Let us not chastise one another for our beliefs. And let us all remember that we aren't even in a democracy. We are a dictatorship. Dear Leader Pete Jong-Un will provide for us and choose for us what is best --

-- Albeit North Korea does proclaim to be a democracy. I bet the citizens there also have strong beliefs and pipe dreams as to who should be in office, only to have the eternal leader just fuck it up and cause a terrifying famine that is destroying the population.... I'm sure the Ram fans can relate to that.

But back to the point at hand. Seahawks nation, we are all brothers and sisters. Let us not quarrel like our actual brothers and sisters. There's a reason I don't like going to Thanksgiving with my family. Let us all take a deep breath and walk into the future together. If Matt Flynn is selected and succeeds. We all win. If he falters, the rest of the team will put him on their back. If he gets pneumonia and dies like a bitch, then Russell Wilson will carry us forward as far as his amazingly buff, tiny body will carry us.

I leave you now with the Seahawk Nation Preamble:

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all 12th men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Beast Mode.

Amen.

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