Terrell Owens (WR, Free Agent) -- Owens is perhaps the most obvious inclusion in this tournament, as he's known as much for his self ~ aggrandizing ~ douchery as he is for historically-productive career. Before I go any further, let me state that I don't hate showboating on principle -- I love Deion Sanders and Ray Lewis, for example -- but there's a line where "swagger" crosses over into "prima donna" and while I can't clearly define where it is*, I know that T.O. is on the wrong side of it.
*I think it's when the showboating hurts teammates either on the field or off of it.
Owens' princessy attitude would drive me crazy in a close domestic setting, to be sure, but I also wouldn't feel inclined to cater to it. If you want to feel like the whole world hates you, that's fine by me, just don't do it while walking around shirtless and hitting on my girlfriend. You asshole.
Owens is the kind of guy who would buy all your drinks when you're out but be sure to remind you that he was doing it because "money don't matter" to him and that he knows "your job can't afford Cristal, so Terrell's gonna show you how the players play". He's the kind of guy that invites any girl that comes over to do body shots off of him, suggests you and him get matching "T.O." tattoos, or challenges you to contests you have no shot at beating him in.
T.O.: Wassup playa?
Me: Not a lot ~Resumes watching "Millionaire Matchmaker"~
T.O.: Just ran eight miles. Hills.
T.O.: Yeah, then went to the park and did 1,000 sit-ups
Me: That's plenty.
T.O.: Yeah, a nice little warm-up. Hit the gym after that. Benched 345.
Me: That's all?
T.O.: Knocked out some squats after that. Gotta keep the glutes tight. Never know when your agent's gonna get you an underwear ad.
Me: Right? I deal with that all the time.
T.O.: Any girls over?
Me: Yeah, I made sure to stock your room with a bunch of 'em while you were gone.
T.O.: Nice! Wait, you're messing with me, huh?
Me: Got me.
T.O.: Well, shit. Wanna play H.O.R.S.E.?
Me: Why not? ~Makes sure the rest of the episode is recorded~
T.O.: ~Grabs basketball~ See you out back. (Also, this apartment has a basketball court)
Me: ~Follows Owens out~
T.O.: Your shot first, baller. You're gonna need any edge you can get.
Me: ~Bricks a jumper~
T.O.: ~Does a 360 dunk~
T.O.: ~Signs ball~
Me: Fuck you.