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Seattle wins defensive slugfest 7-6 over Green Bay

Associated Press

An incredible 9 sacks, 4 from Chris Clemons, mixed with stellar play from the young Seattle secondary, overcame an patchwork offensive line and receiving corps in a 7-6 defensive battle with Green Bay.

After the opening kickoff flew over Leon Washington's head, the Seahawk's offense took the field. Led by midget rookie Russell Wilson and Skittles-chomping, power-running feature back Marshawn Lynch, a false-start penalty on Russell Okung, the first of many flags thrown against the Seahawk's struggling offensive line, stalled the neon warriors' first drive before it even started. Asked about the line's struggles, Russell Wilson remarked: "You know, I just try to go out there, play hard, always be prepared, and put my team in a position to win some football games and make something happen. I'm sorry, what was the question?"

Penalties would stall several more Seattle drives throughout the game. However, their ineptitude was trumped in an almost impressive fashion by Green Bay's. Seattle, though they rushed only four men most of the game, managed to walk away with 7 sacks, several hurries, a variety of celebrations, and the mental image of an MVP quarterback tripping on absolutely nothing.

When asked to comment on the sacks and subsequent celebrations, Rogers bluntly stated: "It was awful. Just look at those dances. And then the fact that they actually ran out of ideas for celebrations and started improvising, it was awful," he said. "That's all I'm going to say about it.

"They shouldn't have been in that position anyways. I mean, our offensive line basically shit the bed."

"Don't ask me a question about Brandon Mebane," Green Bay coach Mike McCarthy said. "I've never seen anything like that in all my years of football."

Seattle struck first on a beautifully executed, 41 yard pass from short person Russell Wilson to short person Golden Tate. It accounted for almost half of Seattle's 90 passing yards on the day.

The strike accounted for all 7 of Seattle's points going into halftime. Chris Clemon's and the Seattle secondary were largely responsible for blanking the Packers through the first two quarters, according to head coach Pete Carroll.

"Those guys, Clemons, the secondary, they are all just enormous competitors. What we try to do in this football program is always compete, always keep our guys competitive and try to compete in all of our competitions. The secondary held up well and competed hard in this particular competition."

The Packers managed two long drives for field goals in their first two possessions of the second half, leaving the score 7-6 entering the fourth quarter. When asked what adjustments he made, McCarthy responded:

"Well, we made two adjustments in that second half. First of all, we started running the football, because fuck passing against that secondary. Secondly, I told my linemen to just hold on to the guys, cause the dumb bastards in the stripes sure as hell weren't going to call it."

"I was actually so surprised that they ran running plays in that second half, that for a while I'd just keep going after Rodgers," said second year linebacker K.J. Wright. "I mean, the entire time we studied game film on these guys we didn't see them run it once.

"Besides, who has the balls to run against us?"

Chris Clemons took issue with the Pack's strategy in the second half. "In that second half, they'd just grab you all over the place. And I do mean ALL over the place. Bruce says one of them grabbed his dick during a run to the opposite side of the field."

The Packers threatened to take the lead during their third drive of the half, but Pro-Bowler Kam Chancellor broke up a potential third down conversion with a diving play near midfield. Russell Wilson threw an interception on the play following the punt, but it was undone by a roughing the passer call. The Seahawks managed to burn the clock down to 4:14 before a third down pass intended for Sydney Rice fell incomplete. Seattle's Jon Ryan punted the ball to the Green Bay 7 yard line.

On the ensuing drive, Cedric Benson fumbled on the 2 yard line before the center, Saturday, recovered. Seattle forced a three-and-out, forcing a punt with 3:24 left on the clock. They handed the ball off 14 consecutive times before ending the game by kneeling on the Green Bay 13 yard line. Marshawn Lynch ended with 123 yards rushing, but Russell WIlson finished with under 100 yards passing.

The 7-6 final score shocked ESPN and the NFL Network, prompting them to question Rodger's mental sanity, and the legality of the sack celebrations that may have damaged it. "If this league is serious about player safety," claimed the surprisingly terrible color commentator Steve Young, "then why aren't they hiring refs that can keep a game under control! I highly doubt that Irvin would have imitated BOTH state-farm commercial dances under last years officials!"

"That was the most physical football game I've played in a long, long time," said Packer's safety Charles Woodson. "Those guys are tough."

Anybody have a better guess as to what would've happened without the two pass interference calls? Leave it in the comments! This is my first post, and I'd love constructive feedback. Enjoy the Seahawks "win" (I mean, as much as you CAN enjoy that)!

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