FanPost

Dispelling The Seahawks Conspiracy Theory

Being a reporter who provides credible information to NFL fans is not easy work. Every single day I sift through hundreds of phone calls and emails from kooks and nutjobs from around the country. It’s unfortunate that only a certain few stories meet my standards to post.

It’s hard to know what is real or when someone is yanking your chain but there is one particular conspiracy theory that is circulating a buzz and continues to gain traction.

Yes, I am referring to that weird Seahawks, Bigfoot conspiracy theory.

This disturbing story doesn't seem to want to go away. Somehow a whisper campaign has been simmering underneath the radar for some time and fans from across the country have asked me to comment on it so I feel it is my duty to address it today. This idiocy must come to an end now!

The Seahawks are in the playoffs because they are a top tier NFL franchise so it is sheer madness for anyone to believe for a moment that a large horde of Bigfoot leaving the region had anything to do with their success.

Sure it is a well known fact that all the NFL teams that had winning records saw a dramatic decrease in the total Bigfoot population (per capita) in the cities where those teams play. And for the teams with losing records, the number of Bigfoot sightings were very high.

People, people please understand that I’ve done all of the research. I know that Bigfoot sightings in the state of Tennessee mysteriously increased while the population of Bigfoot in the Pacific Northwest has declined.

I am not a rookie when it comes to Native American folklore, so yes I know that many Native American cultures believe that having a significant Bigfoot population is a bad omen.

Please don’t send me anymore of Matt Hasselbeck’s tweets. I know all about the Hasselbeck-Bigfoot rumors that surfaced shortly after he arrived in Tennessee. I’ve probably seen this Hasselbeck tweet https://twitter.com/Hasselbeck/status/108561089050058752 at least a thousand times. And please don’t ask me to google the image of a “Munchak deer”anymore. Everyone knows that the Bigfoot are attracted to deer and I’m fully aware of the many reports of missing deer and wildlife in the state of Tennessee.

And to the lady that lives in Smyrna that wrote me last week claiming that a Bigfoot breaks into her liquor cabinet twice a day to steal her vodka: You are probably right Ma'am, it could be former NFL running back Lendale White dressed in a cheap gorilla suit.

Everyone should just stop and take a deep breath, especially the crazy fans that blame their team’s losing season on the Bigfoot.

I don’t know if the Bigfoot exist or not but if I were a owner of an NFL franchise that didn’t make the playoffs this year I would follow the Seahawk’s lead and build a solid team by hiring good football people to run the organization but just as a precaution, I would put a competent full time animal control and removal specialist on staff.

From a die hard Titans fan way down south in Tennessee!!! Good Luck In The Playoffs Seahawk Fans!


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