Being a Seattle sports fan has always been about heartbreak. It has always been about being disrespected by the fact that at many home games, there are more of the opponent's fans than your own. It has about being good, but not good enough...or being close, but not being able to finish. I don't know how to describe the angst or the feeling in the pit of your stomach that exists all the time.

The Sonics were a team built for breaking expectations. We kept winning the conference in the regular season, but we kept choking in the playoffs. But I remember 1996 when my mom let me use her credit card to buy a ticket to the NBA Finals. They had made it! I was so excited. Being a fan in Seattle was good. Things were clicking. But of course it was the year that Jordan came back...I continued to watch them. I stayed a fan up until they left for OKC.

The Mariners were a team built for breaking hope. 1995 was the spark and hope that pulled me through my childhood of sports fandom mediocrity. It was even OK that we lost in the ALCS because we had hope. There were no more 20 run leads that were being blown by a shitty bullpen. But of course, we reverted back to hopelessness in baseball. I still watch them. I still follow them. I still hope that we can even build something. I still fucking hope...

The Seahawks were a team built for breaking my emotional stability. I started watching in the 90's when we were habitually manhandled by AFC West teams. When Holmgren came, it changed a little bit. But we could never just win a game. Before the latter half of this season, I only remember one game where I actually felt confident about it ending right, the year we played the Eagles in primetime. The 2005 season was filled with ups and downs in terms of euphoria and sickness every single game. Everyone remembers the Giants game...Watching the first half of this season brought back that feeling.

So now it's the day before tomorrow's game. I've moved to DC. I have an opportunity to go see and root for my team on their field. I know my team is the better team overall. I know we have so many more dynamic players on all sides of the ball. I know we have the ability to win...but I can't get this sick feeling out of my stomach.

I'm just rambling here, but living in DC, it's hard to explain to them the whole sick relationship a Seattle sports fan has with all their teams. They don't quite understand that we don't have any of that great history to fall back on as a fan in order to delude ourselves from the present. They don't understand the luxury they have of being confident, cocky and obnoxious. I wish I could create this delusion to push me through every season, but I can't. I'm a Seattle fan. I only know how to get ready to cringe for that blow may come...