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Why Tim Tebow Needs to Be A Seahawk

Tim Tebow is on the outs.

He's out of New York, not welcome in Jacksonville. He's not going to Arizona, Kansas City, Philadelphia or Cleveland. He's out of winning.

So let's welcome him to Win Foreverland.

Don't click on that other link. Hear me out.

What are the knocks on Tebow?

1. He can't throw accurately.
2. He's a media circus.

These two traits make him perfect for Seattle. Here's why:

Objection 1: He can't throw accurately.

He's not starting for Russell Wilson. Dangeruss has a firm grip on the starting job. However, the Seahawks could use a backup in case Wilson has to go in to the robot shop for an injection of awesome dominationade. Tebow can win in this position.

Look at his 11 games of starting in Denver and the win streak. He was just terrible stats wise. He never threw over 200 yards. He had a 47% completion rate. He threw turned the ball over more (six picks, seven fumbles) than he threw TDs (12).

Rebuttal 1: He doesn't need to.

In 2011, the two minute warning would cause him to suddenly turn into an Elwaysian-level closer. He went 7-4 as a starter. He had a 5.4 yard per carry average.

Wilson was 6-3 throwing under 200 yards.

Now--hopefully--next year, we'll see the Seahawks play more opponent-crushing blowouts than white-knuckled thrillers. But if the course reverts to a majority of games decided by a touchdown or less, then a proven winner that is more multidimensional athletically than Flynn is a choice I wouldn't hesitate to make. Especially if the dominationade is on backorder for a few weeks.

Plus, Wilson can teach Tebow to throw more accurately, because Wilson can do the impossible.

2. Tebow is a media circus.

Tebow's time in Denver was a thrilling time. Jerseys were flying off the shelves. Everybody but Elway adored him, and the Broncos are once again Elway's team in Elway's town. So Tebow got shipped out...

...to the worst place a media magnet can go: the Jets. I would wager the Giants would have even been a safer place for Timmy; Coughlin and the Maras don't stand for nonsense. Tebow played in 12 games, going 6-of-8 for 39 yards--for the season. He rushed 32 times for 102 yards--for the season. 2012 was a lost year of an amazing athlete, but a banner year for sports media thinking of every way to cover the league's most well-known bench warmer.

Rebuttal 2: Seattle is...uh, far away.

Tebow needs a break. He needs to get out of the spotlight and just be a football player. Concentrate on the fundamentals and locker room camaraderie--away from the reporters and human interest story hounds and psycho-traffic-driven producers.

As we are all aware, Seattle is as far away that you can get from the mainstream media. After some Seahawk-sourced publicity photos of him at Pike Place and Tebowing in front of the Space Needle, the New York-Los Angeles media contingent will look at flight times and decide that Tebow has indeed gone to the CFL.

Boom. Serenity for Tebow. And when Wilson never has a dominationade depletion, then Tebow could be just another barely-remembered bench warmer, like a 2012 Donald Driver.

But here's where it gets great:

Tebow's not just a bench warmer--because Tebow probably won't want to hold a clipboard, even though the leader of Tebow's faith once had a lookalike that holds clipboard. (Seriously, Charlie Whitehurst has the best job in the world.) No, Tebow will want to play. So here's how the Seahawks take advantage:

Tebow as "Joker" TE: Tebow is fast. His forty time at the combine was 4.7, the same as Aaron Hernandez, Gronk, Pitta, and a little faster than Anthony McCoy. Tebow can catch. (Look at this, not at this.)

Tebow as WLB: Tebow is faster than Navarro Bowman or Brian Cushing. His knowledge of quarterback play can help fill in on third downs.

Tebow as LEO: Tebow wants to play QB. Get him to the next most important position on the team: DE. Sacking the other team's signal caller. If PC/JS think this guy can get there, you think this guy can't get to the quarterback?

Tebow on ST: This is where Tebow gets to fly down the field and take out his frustrations with extreme prejudice.

So, in conclusion:

Accuracy not important, and can run a run-heavy offense. Cloistered in South Alaska. Versatile enough for five different positions (QB, TE, WLB, LEO and ST). Locker room leader Wilson can speak his faith language.

Plus, PC/JS get to turn over another rock and reclaim another lost soul.

It's a win for Tebow and potential wins for the ‘Hawks.

And in Win Foreverland, win-wins always win.

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