The 49ers are putting the finishing touches on a new stadium that will awkwardly grace the hallowed grounds of a Six Flags' parking lot in the city that's also just a gigantic fucking business park anyway: Santa Clara, CA.
Most folks don't know that Santa Clara passed a law in 1997 that any residential or commercial building must have a circular or rectangular fountain area in the front of said building, of which builders and architects can choose from over a half dozen exciting approved designs. Single fountains, dual fountains, and even fountains with unoffensive abstract concrete shapes in the middle. Yes, the creativity here is compelling, and rich. But I digress...
What's been lost among the hype surrounding the stadium design and construction, and the announcement that Levi's Stadium will host us in a Super Bowl in 2016, is the fact that they named this place - the 5-time ring-wearing franchise's future home - after pants. Well I've noticed. I've totally noticed. It's as if they knew Hawks' fans propensity for taking pants off, shredding them, throwing them in the trash, never to be worn again. -- ** DO NOT PUBLISH - RESEARCH AND INSERT BEST KENNETH ARTHUR LOVE LIFE JOKE RELATED TO PANTS HERE **
So as a way of saying "thanks", as a South Bay Area resident myself, I'm proposing we do something special and something permanent. A something that says thank you in a respectful 'Prison Rules/Pete the Cheat/CheatHawksFansMasturbatetotheTeletubbies' kind of way.
Who better to deliver this thanks than our own team spokesperson and warden of prison rules for now and eternity, Russell Wilson? While DangeRuss may be a total newb at the art of bicep kissing and other NFL team hat wearing, the man is built like a tiny but frustratingly fast and impervious brick wall. Just ask Ahmad Brooks (When he's sober. No, seriously.)
OK, here's where I'm going with this....
Not only are the immaculate, non-PED-using/ultimate sportsmen 49ers naming their stadium after Hawks fans, they're totally letting us design a custom brick and let fans walk and spit all over the 49ers logo* in the name of charity, forever. It's brilliant really.
*Unless you're a Raiders fan in which case you'll be promptly stabbed in the chest and/or abdomen.
I got to thinking about what Russ would say. What are his most inspiring words that would leave an imprint literally on the doorstep of our fiercest rivals.. Go Hawks. Fuck yeah that's right Go Hawks. But we need to get creative. I'm talking Kenneth Arthur-with-a-sober-girl-after-she-sees-his-apartment-and-collection-of-Battlestar-Gallactica-figurines-over-there-in-the-corner creative.
I think - although I'm open to suggestions - we need to get acrostic:
You get the point -- I'm clearly not good at this and need your help. The message needs to be subtle/hidden so that it's approved, but not so hidden like the money in the banana stand that it won't ever be seen. And it should/could be a Wilson-ism, or not.
I will fork over the $ for a brick, and maybe upgrade to the larger brick with the right contributions from other FG ladies and gents. Since wearers of Seahawks gear in the Bay Area are simply referred to as "victims", I'm pretty much relegated to staying indoors and various forms of legalized vandalism.
Sooo.. let me know your ideas, boys and girls! And don't make me get my gun! I kid, I kid....