Or: NFL week 2, Harbaugh vs. the word, bring out your douche.
Where we left off in our last douche level assessment, our anti-hero Special-K was camped out in front of a San Bernadino Foot Locker. Where we pick back up is week two of the regular season for the second installment of the Wilson vs. Kaepernick era.
Jim Harbaugh is the subject. He's currently occupied in his ongoing battle of Jimmy vs. World with Clay Matthews and Mike McCarthy, who, by the way is above it. The same guy that delivers in a straight face " I think that young man works very hard on being a tough guy. He’ll have some repairing to do to his image after the slap" must have forgot about that time he told us: "I mean I really went in and it was strong and kind of a slap-grab-handshake. … So, that was on me" But he's also the same guy that lost his shit over Kevin Gilbride and murder, and became above reproach when the topic of Brandon Browner's homeopathic laying of the hands on Jimmy's neck came up. Clay used his pimp hand Jimmy, totally legit.
If I had to draft either Harbaugh (49) or Carroll (61) in a fantasy death pool auction league I'm all in on win forever, not some guy wound up like rabid dog. I can see Jimmy "I don't take vacations. I'm a jackhammer" dropping dead on the spot at any moment from now till it happens, meanwhile, I can see Ol' Pete buzzing around the Santa Monica boardwalk on a Rascal scooter until he's 142. You thought he cheated at USC? You watch, he gonna cheat death too.
Leading up to this game you'll be hearing lot's about the bad blood between Harbaugh and Carroll and the "what's your deal" bowl, but don't be fooled. It's not Harbaugh v. Carroll, it's Harbaugh v. THE WORLD, family included. At least his brother put a big old bow on Boldin's contract and sent it over for a song, so we know they're at least on speaking terms still. Generous gift for a guy who had started the season with 5 #1 receivers.
So by now we are well versed in the fact that Harbaugh is a world class troll with a giant stage. From trying to sign Brady Quinn this last week to "slap grab" handshaking Jim Schwartz, to complaining to the media about the read option rules, or the Seahawks bump and run coverage, or crying wolf every time the tables are turned. I too have a younger brother, who's never beaten me at anything, so I tip my hat to his brother John, you've created a monster and nobody gives a shit about my brother so I'm off the hook.
BACK FROM THE DESK OF THE SAN BERNADINO FOOT LOCKER:
There are some new "swag" options in the store available exclusively for 49er fans.
I can only imagine how it looks with steam coming off of it on a hot and humid summer day. I'm glad reddit is around to dig through the deepest back alleys of the internet to uncover such nuggets.
And if you're going to the game and are in town, make sure to honk if you see Al.
He might be going to Seneca Wallace's retirement party.