You've seen the rest, now see more of the rest.
The unPower Rankings are similar to power rankings in that they do rank the power of teams, but in reverse order and kind of like how the 2015 NFL Draft should fall. Maybe. We'll see. Who knows!
Injuries blotted the Week 2 landscape like freckles paint a fair-skinned redhead. That should affect both the strength of many teams and the order of next year's draft, so let's see how things are shaking out in my head after just two games.
1. Jacksonville Jaguars (0-2)
Last week: 4
This week: Lost to Redskins, 41-10
It's a new number one for the third week in a row, but the Jags seem poised to stay on top for awhile. Since taking a 17-0 lead in the first half against the Eagles, they've been outscored 75-10.
Next week: vs Indianapolis
2. St. Louis Rams (1-1)
Last week: 1
This week: Beat Bucs, 19-17
I'd call the story of Austin Davis: "Dream of Some Young Guy." The dream will end soon. They've scored just 25 points this year, Chris Long is out, Tavon Austin is out, Robert Quinn has zero sacks.
Next week: vs Dallas
3. Oakland Raiders (0-2)
Last week: 3
This week: Lost to Texans 30-14
They should have started Matt Schaub. This is why I don't like starting rookies on terrible teams because if you pull him now, you shake his confidence. But Derek Carr has no business being out there for such a garbagetown example of a team.
Next week: at Boston
4. Minnesota Vikings (1-1)
Last week: 11
This week: Lost to Patriots, 30-7
Not a very good football team, and an even more questionable organization.
Next week: at New Orleans
5. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (0-2)
Last week: 10
This week: Lost to Rams, 19-17
They lose Gerald McCoy for at least this week, and now have three straight road games. Josh McCown isn't as good as he was under Marc Trestman, with Brandon Marshall, Alshon Jeffery, and Matt Forte? Weird.
Next week: at 'Lanta, Thursday
6. Washington Redskins (1-1)
Last week: 6
This week: Beat Jaguars, 41-10
No love for a team that just won by 31 points? Despite how down everyone is on Robert Griffin, did we so quickly forget that Kirk Cousins was pretty terrible last year? And also DeSean Jackson could be out?
Next week: at Philly
7. Cleveland Browns (1-1)
Last Week: 2
This week: Beat Saints, 26-24
A-Hoy-Hoy! The Browns are almost 2-0 and they beat a team that many people pegged for the Super Bowl. But I wouldn't quite name Gilligan as the captain after one day of not sinking the ship.
Next week: vs Baltimore
8. New York Giants (0-2)
Last week: 18
This week: Lost to Cardinals, 25-14
Amid all the other injury news, Walter Thurmond is out for the year with a torn pectoral. Save yourself, dub-tee-tré.
Next week: vs Houston
9. Miami Dolphins (1-1)
Last week: 9
This week: Lost to Bills, 29-10
And there goes Knowshon Moreno. Through just two games, four different Dolphins have fumbled the ball. Even real dolphins have better ball-handling than that.
Next week: vs Kansas City
10. Buffalo Bills (2-0)
Last week: 5
This week: Beat Dolphins, 29-10
If the world ended today, Jairus Byrd would look pretty silly for choosing the Saints over the Bills. Oh man, if the world ends today and I just nailed that prediction, you're all going to have to give me props. *crosses fingers*
Next week: vs San Diego
11. New York Jets (1-1)
Last week: 14
This week: Lost to Packers, 31-24
After careful consideration I've decided that the Jets aren't ready for the big time. As I re-watched their loss to the Packers, it wasn't so much that they got obliterated by Jordy Nelson -- though they did -- but this is a team of a lot of young players making some young-player-kinds-of-mistakes. An interesting collection of talent that could be great some day, but not today.
Next week: vs Chicago, Monday
12. Dallas Cowboys (1-1)
Last week: 7
This week: Beat Titans, 26-10
They should pick up another win this week, but they shouldn't again for another month.
Next week: at St. Louis
13. Baltimore Ravens (1-1)
Last week: 8
This week: Beat Steelers, 26-6
Weird shit always happens on Thursday. It's weird how people really do talk like Joe Flacco is one of the best just because he had one phenomenal playoff run; Flacco is averaging 5.6 yards per attempt this season.
Next week: at Cleveland
14. Tennessee Titans (1-1)
Last week: 13
This week: Lost to Cowboys, 26-10
The pass defense might still be really good, and as we know, that's really important in today's NFL.
Next week: at Cincinnati
15. Indianapolis Colts (0-2)
Last week: 17
This week: Lost to Eagles, 30-27
Andrew Luck is sort of like @Lana on Twitter: Not nearly as good as everyone says and 10 times as many supporters as you would expect with such mediocre production. Yet here we are, telling the same lie, because everyone's afraid to go against the crowd.
Next week: at Jacksonville
16. Kansas City Chiefs (0-2)
Last week: 21
This week: Lost to Broncos, 24-17
If I told you that through two weeks Jamaal Charles would have fewer rushing yards than Chad Henne, I'm sure you could've predicted this start.
Next week: at Miami
17. Atlanta Falcons (1-1)
Last week: 19
This week: Lost to Bengals, 24-10
Pass defense is allowing 9.6 yards per attempt, a 102.8 rating, plus Roddy White and Jake Matthews are questionable for Thursday.
Next week: vs Tampa, Thursday
18. Chicago Bears (1-1)
Last week: 15
This week: Beat 49ers, 28-20
Shockingly it was their defense that came through to allow a 21-0 fourth quarter against San Francisco, even if Jimmie Ward does play defense like a low-hanging cloud.
Next week: at NYJ
19. Detroit Lions (1-1)
Last week: 20
This week: Lost to Panthers, 24-7
So their win over the Giants wasn't all that impressive, but their loss to the Panthers may be perfectly understandable.
Next week: vs GB
20. New Orleans Saints (0-2)
Last week: 27
This week: Lost to Browns, 26-24
Placement here has a lot to do with draft order. They're already two games back of the Panthers in the South and the Cardinals in the wild card, which of course they can make up either, but they really have not figured out how to utilize their new players. They've had one of the worst defenses in the NFL through two games, and the offense has sputtered since the first half of their first game. And if that wasn't enough, Mark Ingram finally wasn't sucking for the first time in his pro career, and will be out a month.
Next week: vs Minnesota
21. San Diego Chargers (1-1)
Last week: 16
This week: Beat Seahawks, 30-21
I think their win over Seattle was a great display of what they can do when they're on point. I mostly have them at 21 though because they've got as good of a shot as anyone to win an AFC wild card. And just about everyone in the AFC has a shot at that.
Next week: at Buffalo
22. Arizona Cardinals (2-0)
Last week: 22
This week: Beat Giants,
You want to talk game-changers? If they beat the Niners this weekend at home then the entire game in the NFC West has officially been changed. Game, meet change. Is Arizona in a video arcade because they just brought a ton of change. *Cardinals walk up to a Ross dressing room with a pile of games in their arms* "Yes, I'd like to change these."
Next week: vs San Francisco
23. Houston Texans (2-0)
Last week: 12
This week: Beat Raiders, 30-7
Not that I would have been the only one to do so but I had a feeling that the Texans belonged in the 20s from the beginning. I believe I had them right around here when I did an unpower rankings a couple months ago. They're two games up on the Colts and have allowed just 20 points so far. I think they'll regress, but not necessarily regress themselves out of first place in the South.
Next week: at New York
24. Pittsburgh Steelers (1-1)
Last week: 26
This week: Lost to Ravens, 26-6
The defense hasn't looked as good as I expected but they'll get a close-up view of a great defense this weekend.
Next week: at Carolina
25. Philadelphia Eagles (2-0)
Last week: 24
This week: Beat Colts, 30-27
Darren Sproles looks as good now as he did a decade ago, and the Saints are 0-2 without him.
Next week: vs Washington
26. Green Bay Packers (1-1)
Last week: 28
This week: Beat Jets, 31-24
Eddie Lacy at just 3.1 yards per carry, and possibly the worst run defense in the NFL. But with Aaron Rodgers they've been consistently good for the last five years.
Next week: at Detroit
27. Cincinnati Bengals (2-0)
Last week: 25
This week: Beat Falcons, 24-10
I liked them for the Super Bowl last year, this could finally be it. Well, as long as they don't lose A.J. Green.
Next week: vs Tennessee
28. San Francisco 49ers (1-1)
Last week: 29
This week: Lost to Bears, 28-20
Okay so overlooking that they have no answer for Brandon Marshall, the Niners did have a significant lead in this game for three quarters. I still think they'll be fine until Aldon Smith and NaVorro Bowman return, then they'll be more than fine.
Next week: at Arizona
29. Carolina Panthers (2-0)
Last week: 23
This week: Beat Lions, 24-7
Other than at running back, they're healthy at the moment. Carolina has also forced three turnovers in each of their first two games. Definitely the best bet right now to unseat the Sea.
Next week: vs Pittsburgh
30. New England Patriots (1-1)
Last week: 30
This week: Beat Vikings, 30-7
After these messages they'll be riiiiiiiiight back to 2-1 after this weekend.
Next week: vs Oakland
31. Denver Broncos (2-0)
Last week: 31
This week: Beat Chiefs, 24-17
They beat two teams that are 0-2 right now but here's why it would be super short-sighted to switch the Seahawks and Broncos right now ...
Next week: at Seattle
32. Seattle Seahawks (1-1)
Last week: 32
This week: Lost to Chargers, 30-21
If Seattle loses this week, then you swap them with Denver, if they win, then you will be putting them right back where they were the week before. Why worry too much about it right now when we'll have a much better answer in five days?
Next week: vs Denver
5 days ...