NFL Blog Roll: Week 6. "Russell" lists his five favorite movies and more

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Checking in around the blogosphere from "real" blogs and "anonymous" bloggers, with the first comment always from Jon Gruden.

If there are two things that dominate my life right now, it's the NFL and blogging. If there are three things that dominate my life right now, it's the NFL, blogging, and the fifth season of Psych. If there are four things that domin- you know what this is just going to go down a rabbithole where I tell you that I am bad with women, so let's just stop here.

The following is totally not a thing that is fictitious. It is totally real. No, Im nooooottt being sarcastic. Anyways, I hope you enjoy it and if you do, maybe we can continue this. And by you, I mean you Greg. /freaks out one guy named Greg.

Below is a blog post from each of the eight divisions, with Blog Name, Location, and the post of that days title. Now enough of a reading key, let's get this over with!

AFC East:
Mario’s World, Buffalo, Oct. 9, 2012 –

"Missin’ my boo"

Called Matt (Schaub) five times today times. I knew he wasn’t going to answer since he spends 24 hours in his hyperbolic chamber after games, but I just wanted to hear his voice again.

"Hi, this is Matt. You know what to do." *beep*

No, Matt, I don’t know what to do. That’s why I keep calling you. I’ve felt lost for what feels like… five weeks. Looking back at it now, I can’t see why I left you. I can see how well you’re doing now, doing better without me, and it kills me inside. I should have never taken that trip to New York. I should have never gotten on that plane.

I’m going to be seeing you at "that thing" in a month and I must admit how scared I am to see you again. I don’t know what that’s going to feel like. I want to hold you again and I’m sure that as soon as I see you I won’t be able to fight the urge to just "tackle" you, but will I even be able to? The way things have been going for me, I just don’t know if I’ll even be able to. I feel lost out here.

-M

Jon Gruden says –

I really love this guy. He’s like some kind of SUPER Mario. I’d hate to be the one to knock this guys gold rings out of his pocket. I tell you what, with this guys energy, enthusiasm, and heart, I think he’s going to get right back up and fight again and forget all about his ex. Hairuken!!


AFC North:
Weeden Wobble, Cleveland –

"BIRTHDAY WEEK!!!!"

Only one more day until the big 2-9! I’m like super excited for this LOL! I asked my boss for the day off(cause HELLO!! IT’S MY BIRTHDAY!) but he sayz that Im not allowed to miss a game. UGH! It’s only the Bengals!!!!

I was like, "Come ON"

And then he was like "No."

And then I was totally like, "But puh-lease!"

And then he was like "Get the heck (clean version LOL) out of my office!"

Gosh, being a kid is like totally the worst, am I right fellow kids?!

Peace, Love and Lollipops,

B

Jon Gruden says –

I tell you what, people say that this "kid" is already old at 29 but he plays like a young BUCK to me. He’s got a strong arm, great awareness, and the enthusiasm of a 27-year-old. He may be off to a slow start but I can honestly say that I haven’t been this excited about a rookie quarterback since whoever the last rookie quarterback was that I talked about.


AFC South:
As Luck Would Have It, Indianapolis –

"Crossing off the dream board"

-Graduate Early

-Be tops in my class

-Beat USC

-Win Heisman

-Make people forget about the last guy

-Beat Aaron Rodgers

-Buy socks

One day I’ll get that Heisman.

Jon Gruden says –

Man, this kid has poise, presence, awareness, and enthusiasm. This kid reminds me of another quarterback that was drafted first overall by the Colts. What was his name again? Oh yeah- Jeff George. There’s nothing lucky about this guy, he’s got it all, he’s gonna get those socks and he’ll probably get ‘em on sale at Ross because that’s the kind of practicality he possesses. He makes no bad decisions.


AFC West:
All The A’s, Kansas City -

"Doing It All"

My boss just came into my office and said that Matt is going to be out sick for awhile and that I’ll have to pick up some slack around here. "Pick up some slack?!" Man, this is getting out of control. I’m already doing the work of three people and now he wants me to do Matt’s job too because he says nobody else in the company can do it so it might as well be me.

And am I getting a raise? No. Every week it seems like he walks in here, drops 40 files on my desk and says "Do this" and I tell him straight up, "Why do you expect me to just do all of this work and not expect better compensation?"

His answer every time is, "How many ‘As’ do you have in your name?" and I tell him, "A lot."

"Too many. A proper name doesn’t have back-to-back A’s in it unless it’s Aaron. Now get to work."

The truth is that the boss sees where the company is going and where his job is likely going, so he keeps putting the onus on me because he thinks that’s his only excuse. One more week like this and I’m going to have to take my complaints to Brady in HR. In fact, why don’t they just have Brady do Matt’s work?

Nah, that won’t work either.

-Jaaamaaal

Jon Gruden says –

This kids gonna keep fightin’ and keep going and nothing’s going to stop him not even his boss that keeps workin’ him to the teeth. When I look at this kid, I see someone who can handle 60, 70, 90 files a week and keep on tickin’. Maybe you do have a lot of A’s in your name, but your name is JA+mA+A+l in my book because you give it 110%. Extra credit.

Kenneth's Video Preview of the Seahawks and Patriots


NFC East:
Jason On Jason, Dallas –

"I hope no one notices"

A poem

I walk on the sideline, watching them play

Waking up sick with worry each day

"What if we lose, what if we falter

What if the man upstairs calls me to the alter?"

My third year atop, making the calls

Choosing the players, preparing for fall

I know in my heart that this can’t last forever

I know in my soul that you never say never

But I also know one thing to absolutely be true

People start talking when you’re 2 and 2

They’ll recall back on last year, they’ll remember the tumble

I’ll be the coaching version, of a bad Romo fumble

I hope no one notices, that our scoring is down

I hope no one notices, that this is football town

I hope no one notices, but I would by lyin’

That I notice you constantly cut to Rob Ryan.

Jon Gruden says –

Well I’m noticing and I’m liking everything about this guy. He knows more football than anyone else in the league, he’s an offensive guru, and these guys need to start listening to him and playing for him because he knows more about football than I do and nobody knows more about football than I do, not even him.


NFC North:
Lord Have Percy, Minnesota –

"Can’t Be Caught"

I stole a Rolls Royce, left fingerprints everywhere and smiled for the camera. Cops couldn’t catch me.

I left lipstick on the collar, the scent of perfume, and my phone unlocked with her "Miss you XOXO" text message. Girl couldn’t catch me.

I helped burn him and then took three Ambien, slept for 16 hours, had terrible dreams. Freddy couldn’t catch me.

I swam in the lake, ate all your bait. Fishermen couldn’t catch me.

I turned into a Jamie Moyer 75-mph fastball with no break, no hitter at the plate. Yadier couldn’t catch me.

I can’t be caught, is what I am saying.

-PH

Jon Gruden says –

This kid’s not joking, he is faster than Flash Gordon and that’s why I call this guy, "Jumpin’ Jack Flash." In fact, he reminds me of a Mexican jumping bean and that’s why I call this kid "Mr. Bean" because he’s so good you could watch him all day on PBS and that’s why I call him "Bob Ross." This kid can paint.

NFC South:
Aaron Kromer’s Resume Tips, New Orleans –

"Highlighting the Positive!"

Remember, when you are filling out your resume to always look at the most positive things about yourself and your career! You want your next employer to know what’s best about you and put your best foot forward! So take anything that might be concerning to your next employer (remember, you must act like you’ve already gotten the job or that they you might be the third-in-line should a scandal break out!) and turn it into a strength!

You’re not "1-4." You "Beat the Chargers!"

You’re not "Last in total defense." You’re "First in passing offense!" (Where would that Drew Brees character be without you!?)

You didn’t "Lose to the Panthers and Chiefs." You "Overcame a difficult situation and still had competitive efforts against two of the worst teams in the league!"

You didn’t "Give up over 400 total yards of offense in all five games, even if you’ve lost four games to teams with losing records and have the worst record in the NFC because you’re defense couldn’t stop a 3rd grader from getting to school if you were holding up the flag that literally said, ‘STOP’" You "Got rid of the bounty system."

If all else fails, blame Gregg Williams. Always blame Gregg Williams.

Jon Gruden says –

Man, I tell you what. Somebody put out a bounty on Kromer to be a head coach because this guy can work it. Excellence on the field, excellence in resume tips. I’d hire this guy to coach my football team or to unclog a drain in my house and I did hire him to do that once after the first two guys were suspended. He did the best he could do.

NFC West:
Backyard Russellin’, Seattle -

"Top Five Favorite Movies

1. Rudy

2. Rudy

3. Rudy

4. Rudy

5. Rudy

That is all.

Jon Gruden says –

That’s all that needs to be said about this kid. He makes up for what he lacks in size with heart, character, determination, and Sean Astin movies. I know for a FACT that he’s seen ‘em all including White Water Summer and Toy Soldiers. He’s not just hitting on the hits like Goonies and Lord of the Rings, he’s working the entire Sean Astin filmography and that’s why you gotta respect the HECK out of this kid. He reminds me of another kid in a sports movie that was a leader, maybe you heard of him? Yep, I’m talking about Spike Hammersmith in Little Giants.

---------------

If you enjoyed that, just think of what I can do in 140 characters!

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