After a 12-4 run last week, we've moved into the top 0.5% in the world with a 165-75 overall record. According to Covers.com, Vegas has correctly picked 163 games, meaning we're setting the bar pretty high. All we need to do is finish strong...

... and therein lies the problem. The toughest week to predict is the opener, but Week 17 ain't far behind. At this point, only a handful of teams have their postseason futures still in the balance and that presents a difficulty for those of us trying to predict whether each squad will put their best foot forward. We're so close to the finish line, and the only thing that stands between us and glory is an unpredictable final test.

This guy can relate.

SUNDAY

Buffalo Bills at New England Patriots

The Bills looked fantastic last week, which was the first time they've looked like anything other than a plane crash in two months. However, sans Fred Jackson and any semblance of a professional defense, the Bills' only hope of winning in Foxboro would be if the Patriots had already clinched home field advantage and were content to rest Tom Brady and the rest of the starters in the second half.

For the Pats' part, they can clinch said advantage with a win and I see them keeping their foot pressed all the way down for at least three and a half quarters. I won't be shocked if the Bills lose by as much (26) as they won by last Sunday. THE PICK: PATRIOTS

Chicago Bears at Minnesota Vikings

Man, this version of the Bears is just awful. Awfuler than when you pour cereal before checking if you have milk and then realizing that no, you do not have milk. As bad as the Vikings are, and as bad as they're sure to be without Adrian Peterson, I see them winning this one in Minneapolis. Chrsitian Ponder is actually pretty okay for a rookie quarterback on a terrible team and the Vikings' biggest weakness is their pass defense, which I don't see being exploited by Josh McCown and Dane Sanzenbacher. THE PICK: VIKINGS

Detroit Lions at Green Bay Packers

Vegas is actually giving the Packers a point and a half in this one, obviously anticipating that Green Bay is going to give Aaron Rodgers, Charles Woodson, Jordy Nelson, etc a very well-paid joking-on-the-sidelines session. DEtroit has shown that they can be very good when everything is clicking, and they sure seem to be clicking at the right time. I won't be surprised if the Lons are behind at the half, but given the colossal string of ijuries that Green Bay had to overcome last year, I think they'll be eager to pull the studs and let Matthew Stafford and Calvin Johnson do their best "Flyer's Up" impression. I think Detroit catches up late and passes the Pack for the win. THE PICK: LIONS

More after the jump...

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Hey guys. Rough week, eh? The worst of the season, in fact. The only way a nine-win week is palatable is knowing that everyone else in the country got the Packers and Colts games wrong too. The good news? As penance for misleading you so egregiously, I'll keep each preview to three sentences or fewer. The better news? We're still in the top 1% globally, according to ESPN, with 153 correct picks on the season.

Click through to see the winners posted in 'breviated form

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I remember my first time taking Driver's Ed; more specifically, I remember the freeway test. I remember that my fingers were leaving imprints in the steering wheel and my right leg felt like petrified wood. I remember taking the gentle left off of King St and onto I-5 N. I remember forcing my timid foot down on the gas and shuddering slightly as I accelerated up to 60 mph. There was a semi-truck in the merging lane that was late getting over. I may have yelped as I eased the car into the "slow" lane. The speed I was traveling at was terrifying, and it took me a while to acclimate to the seemingly blinding rate at which I was racing.

That's what it feels like to be making picks this season. After another 13-3 week, we sit at 47-15 (.758) since this column started, and a top-1%-worldwide 144 correct picks since Week 1. Let's keep the right foot pressed, shall we?

Circumstances dictate that these picks be somewhat truncated, but hey, less reading for you!

THURSDAY

Jacksonville Jaguars at Atlanta Falcons

How do the Jaguars keep getting prime time games? And why has the Thursday lineup been so weak this season? So far the Thursday lineups (not counting Thanksgiving when everyone plays on Thursday) has featured teams with a combined record of 41-45. This one doesn't get much better, at least in terms of being compelling (unless you're a fan largely-haunched running backs, in which case Maurice Jones-Drew and Michael Turner will have you titillated). Jacksonville is the least exciting team in the league, except for maybe the Browns, and there's no reason to think they'll be capable of keeping this one close beyond three quarters. THE PICK: FALCONS

PS - Don't let the Jaguars' big win over the Bucs last week fool you, that's like scoring 41 points against a fleet of overturned tomato carts. Speaking of which...

SATURDAY

Dallas Cowboys at Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Has there been a bigger disaster this season than the Bucs? Coming into the season, the NFL's youngest team was being praised for their maturity and rapid acceleration into the sphere of true contenders and may thought we were seeing the establishment of a new mainstay near the top of the NFC. Regression is a bitch, eh? I like the Bucs, but they have shown their age this year and the wheels are all the way off for them this season. Raheem Morris started the season as the darling of the coaching world; now I'm not sure if he makes it through the season

As if coaching / playing for the Cowboys wasn't second-guessed enough, Dallas has managed to find a way to turn the magnification of every play up even higher. Fifteen of the team's last 19 games have been decided by one score, and the last two (both losses) came after Dan Bailey, Cowboys kicker was iced iced shortly before making game-winning / tying field goals, only to miss the second attempt. I can't imagine what it's like, week to week, to be Tony Romo or Jason Garrett and have to face so much heat all the time. I bet the paychecks make it a little easier, though. THE PICK: COWBOYS

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Well chaps, we had a rough one last week, by our standards anyway. If you've been following my rare-err advice you're now in rare air as far as NFL prognostication goes, and even by struggling to an 11-5 mark, we're still 34-12 since these picks started going public about a month ago.

This upcoming slate of games poses a serious threat to all predictors, as it boasts a number of tough calls. Follow me, if you will, as we explore who will win, and occasionally, why!

THURSDAY

Cleveland Browns at Pittsburgh Steelers

Cleveland has lost roughly one billion of its last 35 games against Pittsburgh, and there's nothing to indicate that this one will be any different. No team in the AFC has been playing as well as Pittsburgh has since their second loss to Baltimore. Ben Roethlisberger has completely changed the Steelers' offensive identity; no longer are they going to run it between the tackles 45 times and grind you to death. Now they use the running game as a fall back when they get tired of throwing it deep to Mike Wallace and Antonio Brown.

Cleveland has been one big mess for the past two months and the guy who was recently considered the QBotF is now hearing boos on the regular. I would say that the loss of every single running back on the roster as well as the dearth of truly good receivers has done more to contribute to Colt McCoy's woes than any lack of talent has, but the fact remains that the Browns are exactly what we thought they'd be at the beginning of the season. Unfortunately for them, so are the Steelers. THE PICK: STEELERS

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Welcome back, children. I'm judging by the grateful and adoring looks on most of your cherubic faces that the same most of you followed my advice last week en route to a 10-4 record. According to my research, that was the best score in the country and you all got to share in my the glory. You're welcome.

I won't dilly-dally any further, as I know you're all anxious to see how I'm going to help you win more money. Now click through to watch me accurately predict the future.

*I'm limiting my clairvoyance to Thursday's games, for now. Check back Friday for the rest.

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I was talking with Danny a few days ago and one thing led to another, which led to another, which led to me saying "Of course I'd be happy to write a weekly column in which I pick the winners of NFL games!" Danny followed that with something about what the hell was I talking about, he was just wondering if I could come over to his place and water his Formica plants* while he went away for a couple of days. I enthusiastically thanked him for the opportunity and sprinted to my computer, which happened to be absolutely nowhere nearby.

*That's a thing, right?

Starting something ten weeks too late is a good way to approach things, as none of my teachers or parents will tell you. I'm assuming that Danny offered me this spot because of my otherworldly prognosticating abilities, and honestly, who can blame him?

I was ranked ahead of 99.6% of the world entering last week's picks, but I made the two-sided mistake of trusting Phillip Rivers and not trusting Tim Tebow. Idiot. Anyhow, what follows is a lengthy (and informative! Potentially!) aside from my wanton self-glorification. If you're smart, you'll steal your kids' allowance money and wager it on the teams I predict to win. Go ahead and do it, right now. They're probably at school and won't notice for awhile anyway. Plus, it's really your money that you gave to them because kids are tiny and awful and still think that eight bucks is a fortune. They're so cute. I'll wait.

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Did you get it? Good. Now, on to the predictions.

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