[editor's note, by Shrug] After further review, I've overturned some of my initial predictions for Week 7. You'll see them below.
Carolina at Cincinnati - Bengals. Yo, Bengals. What's happening over here? I thought we had an agreement. I promised to slap a bumper sticker on the Carson Palmer bandwagon in exchange for never having to visit Cincinnati. You're letting me down, brah. You can't even use your WKRP cred with me anymore. One more week, you hear me? Then I wash my hands of the whole damn deal.
Pick: Cincinnati. Do not take this to the bank.
**Update [2006-10-21 3:34:54 by Shrug]: Not only should you not take this to the bank, I change the pick. The Bengals' O-line is in shambles, and their legal amnesty has run out over here. I can't go for this. No can do. Final pick: Carolina.
Detroit at N.Y. Jets - At first I thought it was the mescaline, but then I rubbed my eyes, read the papers and realized it was true: The Jets are at .500. Geez. Pick: New York.
Green Bay at Miami - Look! It's the Super Bowl rematch we've all been waiting for! Except for the fact that these teams never actually played each other in the Super Bowl! It just feels like they should have at some point in the late 60's! And guess what! It'll be a long time before they ever do actually meet in the Super Bowl! By that time science may have discovered how to reanimate Lombardi and Shula! It'll be a gas! Until then, this game sucks! Pick: Miami.
Jacksonville at Houston - Thank you for losing last week, Houston. I knew I could finally count on you. Care to make it a twofer? Pick: Jacksonville.
New England at Buffalo - You Always Gotta Think Tom Brady Will Figure Out How To Win. I believe that's the title of Chapter 5 of the Fox Sports NFL Clich? Handbook. It's on eBay. Pick: New England.
Philadelphia at Tampa Bay - I don't know what the hell's going on with the NFC South. The Saints beat the Eagles, the Bucs beat the Bengals - basically any team ending in a suffix that sounds like "Gulls" loses to this division. I take exception to that for obvious reasons. If I make you my upset special this week will you leave us good folks alone?
Pick: Tampa Bay. This is the upset special and should be treated as such.
**Update [2006-10-21 3:34:54 by Shrug]: No, no, I can't. Tampa's victory against Cincinnati says more about the Bengals sucking than it does about the Bucs thriving. Final pick: Philadelphia.
Pittsburgh at Atlanta - The final score to this contest will be 1-0. It'll come down to a solo shot by Jason Bay in the 27th inning. Yes, that's a metaphor. Pick: Pittsburgh.
San Diego at Kansas City - Arrowhead is one of the toughest stadiums in the league! Hostile environment! Uncomfortable seats! Exorbitant parking lot rates! That wasn't me saying those things, it was my Fox Sports commentator action figure doll. Watch, I'll pull the string one more time: Tony Gonzalez is still the premier tight end in the league! Cute, huh? I love eBay. Pick: San Diego.
Denver at Cleveland - Somebody on MSNBC said the Browns would stun the Broncos this week. Blame that remark on the alcohol. Works for Congress. Pick: Denver.
Arizona at Oakland - This matchup brings to mind a picture of an ineffective rest home nurse with no skills whatsoever, taking advantage of an enfeebled, sickly old person by going through their personal effects when they're knocked out on medication and unable to stop them. I just don't know who portrays who in the dream sequence. But I do know there's lots of retirees in Arizona.
Pick: Oakland. Don't get used to it, Raider Nation.
**Update [2006-10-21 3:34:54 by Shrug]: I forgot two things. A, Leinart looked very good for a quarter and a half against the NFC's best defense, which is more than almost anyone else has been able to do this season against Chicago. The Cards' effort last week could never beat the Bears, but it's good enough to beat Oakland. B, The Raiders suck. They have all year. They shall continue to do so. In the prom of these predictions, you have to ditch the girl who didn't bring you. Or more appropriately for Oakland, the girl who threw up on your corsage before passing out. Final pick: Arizona.
Minnesota at Seattle - So... um, yeah, how you been, man?... Yeah, it's... it's great seein' you and all... Wow, you look real good! Yeah... seriously... you know, I still have that letter you wrote me once... I keep it in my... um, closet... with all the other letters... I mean, I don't go through them and read them all the time or anything... just, you know... when I'm... looking at the old stuff... you know, Memory Lane, all that... heh-heh... but... um, yeah... really nice seeing you too... Yes, we'll definitely have to get together sometime soon... when you're in town... yeah... dinner sounds good... oh, no, don't worry, I'll pick up the check, I'm the highest-paid lineman on the team! Come on by in January and we can go out!... uh... what's that... you have plans in January?.... oh, I.... Pick: Seattle
Washington at Indianapolis - I'm too emotionally spent after that last blurb to restate the obvious. I'm also out of ellipses. Pick: Indianapolis.
N.Y. Giants at Dallas - T.O. gets his own spotlight on a national Monday night TV show. No, no, not Dr. Phil. Pick: Dallas.
Last Week: 8-5.