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In Which I Answer Questions About the Vikings As If I Was Taking a Myspace Survey

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    OH MY GODD TOM IS DELETING ACCOUNTS WITHOUT TELLING ANYONE ITS TEH WORST THING EVER!!!

 
Q. Do U have a secret crush??
      A. No, I'm too old for that stuff. You know who else is old? Brad Johnson, quarterback for the Vikings, who turned 38 last month. As Daunte Culpepper's replacement, Johnson's attained some notoriety this season for his game planning and overall approach, but I don't know where they're picking up those accolades. Johnson is ranked 23rd in passing so far this year - one spot better than Culpepper.

Q. Have U ever gone out with anyone in yur Top 8??
      A. Yes - in fact, I've managed to score lots of times with one of them in particular. So have the Minnesota Vikings, who have scored on every single one of their 12 possessions in the red zone so far this year. Unfortunately 9 of those scores were field goals. Their TD percentage in the red zone is second-worst in the league, ahead of only the Falcons. Me? I always get the touchdowns. Granted, they're on end-arounds, but they're touchdowns. I am a virile man.

Q. How many people are on ur Myspace friends list??
       A. Believe it or not, 412. That is only 9 less than the amount of yardage gained so far this year by Viking running back Chester Taylor, who is 12th in rushing yardage this year. He has, however, only managed to find the end zone once on the ground, and that's the Vikings' only rushing TD as a team. The Vikings have 4 touchdowns through the air. Five touchdows in six games is no way to go through life, son.

Q. Have u ever made a pass at someone and regretted it??
      A. Sure, lots of times, but the Vikings seem to get more out of their passes than I do. They're only middling in terms of how many receptions are made by their corps, but they're 10th in passing yards, which suggests their passing game is more productive.

Q. Have U ever gotten really drunk??
      A. Well, sometimes, and it's impaired my judgment. But it's never gotten so bad that I've foolishly tried to run against the Vikings' defense, who rank 3rd - ahead of Chicago - in rushing yardage allowed. I'd probably try to pass more at them and expose their vulnerabilities with a less conservative offense.

Q. If U don't repost this survey to 10 of ur friends something really bad will happen to you!!
      A. You mean, like having an emotional game against former Seahawk Steve Hutchinson?

Q. Did U like taking this survey??
      A. It's probably the dumbest idea I've had for game preview all season.

Next Week: PORN NAMEZ FOR TEH KANSAS CITY CHIEFS!!!!!!!!!!!!!