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Shaun Wins Two ESPYs

It's as if awards season never ends. I mean, my God... Wasn't it only last month all my drinking buddies and I gathered at F.X. McRory's for our annual Tony Awards party? Yes, it was! Remember how Duke threw down his buffalo wings in disgust when Jersey Boys won Best Musical, even though The Drowsy Chaperone won Best Book and Best Score?

Oh! Oh! And when The Pajama Game won Best Revival, you just know that Bubba -- Mr. "I Followed Around Every Sweeney Todd Touring Company From 1980 Onward" -- well, let's just say he was in no mood for our usual cabaret-crawl that night. He was so choked with rage, I thought we were gonna have to give him a Sondheim-lich. He just skulked back to his pad, drama-queened himself under his big UW Husky comforter, popped open some chablis and put Edith Piaf on the hi-fi. Like the maudlin old lady that Bubba is always does. "Flit away with me, Little Sparrow, be my sad, subterranean songbird..."

I mean, eww. Can you say "gauche"?

Well... for those of you not yet suffering from Versace gift-bag fatigue: Shaun Alexander won two ESPYs Wednesday night: Best NFL Player, and Best Record-Breaking Performance.