The NY Times reports the NFL search committee has whittled the list of potential successors to Paul Taglibue as NFL commisioner down to five:
 |
Roger Goodell, Chief Operating Officer, NFL Superhero Nickname: The Green-Tinted Hammer Superhuman Skills: Pole-vaulting at 150 feet, speed-stenography, laser nail-clipping Primary Weapon: The Cross Pen of Great Discomfort Tagline: "Pick up my dry-cleaning, you bastards!" |
 |
Gregg H. Levy, Chief NFL Outside Counsel, Covington & Burling Superhero Nickname: The Purple Malaise Superhuman Skills: Speed-dialing, twilight vision, affidavits paper cuts Primary Weapon: The Javelin of Spite Tagline: "Motion to dismiss, you bastards!" |
 |
Frederick R. Nance, Counsel for Cleveland Browns, Squire Sanders & Dempsey Superhero Nickname: The Stalk Superhuman Skills: Flame-throwing, steel-grinding, envelope-opening Primary Weapon: Sardar, The Canine That Acts Like a Belligerent Cossack Tagline: "Hope you like vinaigrette, you bastards!" |
 |
Robert L. Reynolds, COO, Fidelity Investments Superhero Nickname: Captain Squeamish Superhuman Skills: Scythe-making, Rolodex-mounting, Minivan-shredding Primary Weapon: The E4-XFS Spike-Toothed Collator Tagline: "Don't make me fussy, you bastards!" |
 |
Mayo A. Shattuck III, Chairman, Constellation Energy, Baltimore Superhero Nickname: Jackknife Otto Superhuman Skills: Light-switching, extreme waltzing, refusing an underdone filet mignon Primary Weapon: The fact that his first name is "Mayo" Tagline: "Flamenco on your knees, you bastards!" |
Some of my personal data may be out of date.