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NFL Commish Search Down to Five

The NY Times reports the NFL search committee has whittled the list of potential successors to Paul Taglibue as NFL commisioner down to five:

Roger Goodell, Chief Operating Officer, NFL
Superhero Nickname: The Green-Tinted Hammer
Superhuman Skills: Pole-vaulting at 150 feet, speed-stenography, laser nail-clipping
Primary Weapon: The Cross Pen of Great Discomfort
Tagline: "Pick up my dry-cleaning, you bastards!"
Gregg H. Levy, Chief NFL Outside Counsel, Covington & Burling
Superhero Nickname: The Purple Malaise
Superhuman Skills: Speed-dialing, twilight vision, affidavits paper cuts
Primary Weapon: The Javelin of Spite
Tagline: "Motion to dismiss, you bastards!"
Frederick R. Nance, Counsel for Cleveland Browns, Squire Sanders & Dempsey
Superhero Nickname: The Stalk
Superhuman Skills: Flame-throwing, steel-grinding, envelope-opening
Primary Weapon: Sardar, The Canine That Acts Like a Belligerent Cossack
Tagline: "Hope you like vinaigrette, you bastards!"
Robert L. Reynolds, COO, Fidelity Investments
Superhero Nickname: Captain Squeamish
Superhuman Skills: Scythe-making, Rolodex-mounting, Minivan-shredding
Primary Weapon: The E4-XFS Spike-Toothed Collator
Tagline: "Don't make me fussy, you bastards!"
Mayo A. Shattuck III, Chairman, Constellation Energy, Baltimore
Superhero Nickname: Jackknife Otto
Superhuman Skills: Light-switching, extreme waltzing, refusing an underdone filet mignon
Primary Weapon: The fact that his first name is "Mayo"
Tagline: "Flamenco on your knees, you bastards!"

Some of my personal data may be out of date.