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Jerramy Stevens Charged With DUI, Marijuana Possession, and Timing So Bad It's Almost Beautiful

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Jerramy Stevens might have been wasting away again in Margaritaville last night, but it was the Scottsdale Police that found his lost shaker of salt.

Geez. Well, here's the dope -- errrr, I mean, the story: Our local free-agent tight end was arrested in Arizona early Tuesday morning. According to the Arizona Republic:

Stevens, the NFL team's starting tight end, was taken into police custody around 2:30 a.m. after he admitted to drinking "four or five margaritas" at the Salty Senorita bar on Scottsdale Road, according to police.

Stevens, 27, was also cited for

Wait, wait, wait a minute. What was the name of that bar again?
...the Salty Senorita bar on Scottsdale Road...

"The Salty Senorita"??

You gotta be kidding me.

That's just tawdry. "The Salty Senorita" sounds like the kind of place Crabman would have a 2-for-1 corn dog special and Randy would pass out on the billiards table.

Wow. Well. Just wanted to clear that up.

Please continue.

Stevens, 27, was also cited for possession of marijuana after officers found a portion in his back pocket, police said.

The free-agent tight end, who is currently being courted by Seattle and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, was visibly intoxicated, according to the Scottsdale police report.

Stevens was pulled over for driving erratically along Indian School Road near 81st Street in a rented 2007 Chrysler 300 sedan. The arresting officer said Stevens' eyes were "bloodshot, watery and half-closed."

The police report also stated, "As (Stevens) exited the truck he dropped his cellphone and wallet on the ground, bent down to pick them up, then stutter-stepped as he started to walk in my direction." Hey, are you sure you weren't just watching repeats of Super Bowl XL?

With the signing of Marcus Pollard Tuesday morning, um... let's just say Stevens' stock mighta, sorta, you know, vaporized this afternoon.

What's left to say, dudes? Sputter away.

Update [2007-3-13 18:37:56 by Shrug]: Sando has reprinted the police report and Jerramy's wifebeater-wearin' mug shot. Oy.