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Roger Goodell Indefinitely Suspended from Active Volcano

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If you squint, you can see Jim Mora's boundless enthusiasm straining Roger Goodell's patience.

After, according to guide Peter Whittaker, grasping mountaineering basics "reasonably well", Roger Goodell, Jim Mora and Tod Leiweke will hike towards Camp Muir today. The hike benefits the United Way, though I'm a bit hazy as to how. Somewhere as we sit on our duffs growing fat, Goodell and Mora are bonding as only men who face down death together can bond. They're talking about scars and regrettable one night stands and great one night stands and writing their names in the snow. They're whitewashing Whittaker and asking Tod where the other "d" went. And when they share a tent tonight, Mora will subtly suggest scheduling east coast road games for 4pm and Goodell will laugh, and Mora will laugh, and Mora will say "but seriously" and Goodell will wish his newest bff good night and say "I'll think about it."