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An Obsessive-Compulsive Guide to Wearing/Caring for Your Seahawks Jersey

The only proper garment for members of the Twelve Army to wear on gameday is a Seattle Seahawks jersey. Any time I've ever gone to Qwest Field for a game, that is what the vast majority of folks are wearing. From Alexander to Zorn, I've seen hundreds of different jerseys at Seahawks games. Today, I'd like to talk to you about properly caring for your jersey, and avoiding the pitfalls that can make you look like a beacon of douchebaggery.

First of all, for the love of Knox: NEVER PUT YOUR JERSEY IN THE DRYER. EVER. It will go from Lindsay Lohan in Mean Girls to Lindsay Lohan in I Know Who Killed Me in about 3 trips in the dryer. Take it directly from the washer to a hanger and let it air dry.

The easiest jersey to care for is a replica (around $70-$80). In my experience, the "semi-authentic" jerseys (around $100-$125, with sewn names and numbers instead of screen-printed ones), tend to have problems with the shoulder logos fraying, even if you keep them out of the dryer. Also, the numbers get beaten up and discolored fairly quickly. I'm not even going to cover the authentic jerseys, because if you can plunk down $200-$250 on a shirt, you should get back to making sure your butler is correctly polishing your monocle collection, Lord Richington of Moneyshire.

While a lot of us are pretty much forced to shop for jerseys online, I strongly recommend that you only buy jerseys you can physically inspect before you buy them. More than once, I've received a jersey I purchased online only to find it was misprinted or faulty in some other obvious manner.

That was all basic, universal stuff... Now, onto my opinions...

I know a lot of folks have #12 Fan jerseys. I'm not here to tell you how to spend your money, but I'd never buy a "Fan" jersey. To me, it smacks of saying "aww dagnabit, these players change teams too often! I'm just going to play it safe." Same goes for a personalized jersey with your name on it, or, to a lesser degree, throwback jerseys.

Side note: does it bother anyone else that the throwback jerseys the NFL sells these days don't really look like our old jerseys that much? Compare this:


To this:


Not that I want a jersey with mesh holes big enough to poke my fat fingers through, but it's not even close, is it? Replica throwbacks closer to the look of the old jerseys would be very welcome in my deluded, obsessive little world.

Now, if you want to go out and get a custom Jordan Babineaux or Brandon Mebane replica jersey, I tip my bonnet to you, good sir. Am I going to go get a custom #17 jersey that says DKSB on the back? Hell no... Because NOBODY GIVES A FUCK.

Also, keep in mind what looks good on you and what doesn't. I stay away from the white jerseys, because, frankly, I'm too goddamn fat. A white jersey would make me look like a beached whale, and a neon green one would make me look like a whale that beached itself after swimming past the Hanford Nuclear Reservation.

Ideally, gets jerseys of players that fit your body type. Skinny tall dude or lady? Get a QB/WR/DB/K jersey. Curvy gal or fat dude? How about a lineman's jersey. Of course, I break this rule every time I slip into my Hasselbeck jersey, but fuck it... Dude is my favorite player.

Finally, never ever tuck in your jersey. You are not at a corporate retreat. It isn't casual Friday. Tucking in your jersey makes you look like the King of the Cockbaskets.

What are your jersey rules? Let's tear it up in the comments, yo.

For my rankings of your replica jersey choices this season, go visit my home blog: Dave Krieg's Strike Beard