The Bye week is upon us. We play Bye every year, but I don't mind because we have never lost to Bye.
A Bye can be a refreshing week of relaxation, but for the most part it is usually excruciating. You will see 13 games of football this week, but you won't get any Seahawks highlights. This is tough, because it's not as if we get much national attention anyway and coming off of a giant win (pun intended, and apologized for. Sorry.) I'd like to see more Seahawks football... Now. I said now you little NFL jerks, give me some Seahawks football!
I'd like to see Doug Baldwin. Wait, what? That can't be right. No, actually I suppose it is. I'd like to see more Baldwin and I'd like to see him now. He gave us a glimpse of what it could be like to have a #1 WR in week 5 and I hate to be left hanging. I'm not a Shaun Alexander jersey.
I'd like to see whether or not the Seahawks could ride this high into another victory and get to a 3-3 record. A 3-3 record would be pretty cool for the team, because it would be quite unexpected. Even if we were still far away from being a Super Bowl contender, and even if we were still a longshot playoff contender, at least we'd get some respect. I'd like the team to get some respect. Remember 2005? That year we almost got some respect once. It was neat to have people around the country say "Hey, how 'bout those Seahawks? They are over-achieving, lucky, wet-weathered bastards, but isn't it cute that they're trying so hard?"
If we get to 3-3 people might notice that the Hawks lost to a now 4-1 San Francisco (in what was actually a close game offensively and defensively,) a 3-2 Pittsburgh, and a 2-3 Atlanta. Okay, Atlanta doesn't look like a great loss right now, but it was a game nobody outside of Seattle had expected us to win.
If they beat Cleveland in week seven, important questions about this team will have to be asked: Is the offensive line starting to gel? Is the bend-but-dont-break defense starting to work? Is the receiving corps much deeper than we thought?
Don't look now but the Seahawks have 796 yards of total offense in the last two weeks. They're also allowing an NFL 2nd best 3.1 yards per carry. That's not to say that they don't have problems. Like their turnover ratio and that the defense still breaks sometimes. Still, the improvements are easy to spot and exciting and I can't wait to see it continue.
But I have to wait. Because this week: Bye. Here's some things you may or may not know about Bye.
The Seahawks Haven't Been Good After Bye
Over the last 10 seasons, the Hawks are 3-7 after a bye week. To be fair, seven of those games came on the road including the last six. Before Pete Carroll beat Chicago after the bye last season, the Hawks had lost three straight after a bye. So we can conclude that Pete will never lose after a bye again.
In his career Pete is now 2-3 after a bye week, but trust me when I say that he's put all those losses behind him. Where else would they be? If the past is in the future, then I think we're all either screwed, or I can finally undo all of the mistakes I made in high school. Becky Jorgenson here I come.
The Hawks play at Cleveland after this bye and it actually hasn't been too long since we've done that. Back in 2007 we went to Cleveland and lost 33-30 in overtime. The Seahawks led that game 21-9 at halftime and then 24-16 headed into the fourth quarter, but eventually blew it. Bobby Engram had 14 catches for 139 yards that day, something I expect Baldwin to double.
Here's a fun fact: The 2007 Seahawks had a young core of talented wide receivers that included Nate Burleson, Deion Branch, DJ Hackett, and Ben Obamanu. Would you have ever guessed that Ben Obamanu played with DJ Hackett? Because I didn't. Oh, you knew that? Because you're so smart? Good for you.
The Are Multiple Definitions of Bye, Apparently
Here is the Urban Dictionary definition of "Bye"
bye
1. a term used when parting.
2. a period of time in sports during the regular competition season in which a team does not compete
So there you have it. Either a week off in sports, or the more common "Bye" as in "Bye Mom!" or "Bye Jon Voight!" or "Bye Warts!"
The strange thing though is that's not the first hit for Bye on Urban Dictionary. This is:
1. bye
a nicer way to say "your f-ing ugly. get out of my face"
Ugly person-"Hey there ;)"
You-" yeah, bye"
Holy crap Urban, that's not very nice! And besides, I think what you are thinking of is "Buh-Bye!" I know because I was watching Maury Povich once during summer break (and by once, I mean every single day off I've had since I was seven) and when you really want to burn somebody after the test results reveal that you ARE the father of your secret girlfriend's child, then the guy's wife says "Buh-Bye!" not just "Bye!"
(Ed. Note: If you've gotten this far and you're thinking "Where's the football stuff?" It's a BYE WEEK! You can only say so many things about a Bye Week. I'm doin' a bit here, gimme a break will ya? Just read the first note about Pete Carroll 12 times and tell a friend, okay?)
A Bye Opens the Door for More Free Time For Movies
If perhaps you are "Seahawks or nothing on Sundays" kind of person, then you will have to fill that time with new activities. Or old activities that you haven't done in over a month.
If you have Netflix Instant (and why wouldn't you?) here are several good choices to watch:
Oldboy, Lady Vengeance, Sympathy for Mr Vengeance - This vengeance trilogy (of three unrelated storylines) by Korean mastermind Park Chan-Wook will keep you busy for six hours and is amazing.
13 Assassins - The latest (and perhaps greatest) from Japanese Ichi the Killer director Takashi Miike
Black Hawk Down - If you haven't seen this movie in awhile, you'll be amazed at how much "Before they were stars" acting talent was in this Ridley Scott movie. "Is that Orlando Bloom? Dreamy!"
The Thing - I am interested in the upcoming prequel, but the original is maybe the greatest horror ever made.
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo - Any movie with "Girl" in the title will make you think "This is a chick flick!" but don't be fooled. This is no chick flick. See this before you see the American remake (I'm guessing you won't even want to watch the remake after watching this, for fear it will ruin the original) and if you like it you can also watch The Girl Who Played with Fire and The Girl Who Kicked the Hornest Nest.
Big Fan - For a football-themed movie, check out Patton Oswalt take on a serious role. It's not perfect, but it's a pretty touching tale of a pretty pathetic New York Giants fan. (This is not another jab on the Giants. He just happens to be both a Giants fan and pathetic.)
The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia - The most entertaining documentary I've ever seen. Amazing.
I could go on for hours on this topic, so I'll just stop. Take it to the comments...
Byes Can Be Sad
The poets Nathan, Shawn, Wanya, and Michael of Boyz II Men once said "It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday"
Is it hard to say goodbye to yesterday? I guess it depends on what you did yesterday. If yesterday was Saturday, then I absolutely agree 100%. But if yesterday is Monday, peace out Monday. Enjoy your life. I hope I never see you again. Wait, did I just imply that I hope I die? If you ever get stuck in a Groundhogs Day loop, pray its not a Monday.
NSync once sang "Bye Bye Bye" and it solidified them as the biggest-selling artist in the history of Earth, so that's pretty sad too. Did you know that song was about leaving their ex-manager Lou Pearlman? More importantly, did you know that song was about something?
Bye Bye Birdie was a play once. It's probably still a play. I'm not really sure how plays work, and I never saw this one, but it seems relevant. Saying goodbye to your bird can be sad. My pet parakeet Lester died when I was 10 and putting him to rest for eternal peace was terrifying and sad. I'll never forget that moment that I took Lester and put him in my dogs food dish. Goodbye Lester.
I wonder if the Seahawks have ever lost a game and the headline for the opposing team's local newspaper was Bye Bye Birdie! If not, COPYRIGHT. I called it.
Byes Can Be Bittersweet
A bye is rarely happy. It can be indifferent, like saying bye to the same person every day. It can be sad, like said above. But sometimes it can be bittersweet, knowing that it's for the best but you're still a little upset about it.
Goodbye Matt Hasselbeck was sad.
Goodbye Jim Mora was happy.
Goodbye Steve Hutchinson was infuriating.
Good Riddance Jerramy Stevens was necessary.
When we left school for summer break, this would be a bittersweet goodbye. Sad to know that you won't see most of your classmates as often, happy that it's summer-freakin-break. Seriously, if you are in school still and reading this, cherish every moment kid. You won't take anything for granted as much as the fact that you actually get 2-3 months off during the best part of the year. That entire notion seems so strange and foreign to me now at 28.
What would we do when we said our goodbyes at the end of the schoolyear? Sign yearbooks of course! I never really loved signing notebooks, if only for the fact that I lacked the confidence to believe that anybody really cared. Because I didn't care. If you want some statistics in this article, here they are: You will read your high school yearbooks and look back the memories fondly of what people wrote maybe three times in your life. Statistically speaking, that's .000000000000002% of your life. You're more likely to park next to Tarvaris Jackson on the ferry to Whidbey Island (someone in the crowd goes "wooo!" for Whidbey Island) and split a malt with him than at any point in your life worry where your 9th grade yearbook is.
That being said, the Seahawks actually signed some playbooks for eachother as messages for their bye week and I was able to sneak a peek at some:
Sidney Rice to Doug Baldwin: "Yo! Even tho I'm a Senior and you a Freshman, you is pretty cool!! Keep up the good work son!"
Marshawn Lynch to Justin Forsett: "BEAST MODE! LOL!"
Justin Forsett to Marshawn Lynch: "BEAST MODE! LOL!"
Marshawn and Justin give playbooks back to each other and start to walk away and read what the other wrote and turn back at each other and laugh that they wrote the same thing.
Gus Bradley to Aaron Curry: "We shared a lot of good memories together. I know you always worked your butt off and that was always recognized and I want you to know that we appreciate the work you put in this year. Best of luck Aaron. -Gus"
Curry looks up at Bradley, confused and worried. Gus embarrassingly realizes he has to ask for the playbook back.
Tom Cable to Robert Gallery: "Rob - Remember that time in Oakland when we TP'd Mr. Davis's house? LMAO!"
(Why do people write "Remember when.." in yearbooks? Yes, I remember you idiot. It was two months ago and I don't huff paint. Unless the message is "Remember when we huffed all that paint in my mom's garage? Because I don't.")
Charlie Whitehurst is the guy who just writes "SHIT" in large letters on an entire page like a dick.
Pete Carroll is the guy who just writes "Hey ______, hope you have a cool bye week! Rock on, Pete!" in everyone's book.
A Bye is a Good Time for a Vacation
Many players will take a trip during their time off. You probably can't go too far overseas with only a week off, because if you go to Australia plan for two days of being on an airplane. I have been to Australia a couple of times, and while it is a great countrinent, let me tell you that I'd rather be waterboarded then make that flight.
Instead, you'll have to stay within the continental United States.
Iowa-Native Robert Gallery could feel right at home at the Dairy Adventure at Fair Oak Farms in Indiana where 280,000 gallons of milk is pumped every day and creepy statues teaching you interesting things...
For a trip across the border, go to the Tijuana Lay On the Ground Festival
Or come see rich and interesting characters in one of the most iconic American locations: Hollywood, California
Bye Any Other Name
There are sports byes. There are goodbyes. Did you know that "Goodbye" originates from "God be with ye"? So if you say goodbye you are making more of a statement about yourself than you have ever known. If an athiest says Goodbye to you, call him or her out and laugh at their stupidity.
Once my cousin came into the room, took a deep breath and said "I'm bye." I was confused by her phrasing of the words and said emphatically, "Good. Bye." She seemed angry and stormed off. She hasn't spoken to me since, but I imagine she is still upset about whatever it was that made her mad that day before she came down to say bye to me.
Homonyms for bye include "buy" and "by"
You can buy things, but if you buy too many things then you are just barely getting by. If you blow by Bed, Bath, and Beyond and behold a bevy of brushes you believe will better your bathroom, then say bye bye to your bankroll after you buy a bunch.
Bye, Adios, Aloha, Sayonara, Arrivederci, Tofa
Because of it's common use in language, bye is one of the most famous words and we become quite familiar with how to say "Bye" or "Goodbye" in many native tongues. It's like the Oprah of words.
Offensive Tackle Breno Giacomini might say "Arrivederci" because of his Italian roots. One of the coolest things to ever come out of Italy was the song "Arrivederci Roma" Translated, the song starts like this:
I envy you, tourist, you come,
you feast on forums and ruins,
then suddenly you discover
the fountain of Trevi, which is there all for you.
Which is basically saying, "You're lucky that you find all of this stuff in Italy to be awesome you foreigner, because to me it's a pile of stupid rocks." I have never been to Italy, but when I do go visit I'll make sure to spit on the Colosseum and call it "useless" as a sign of respect.
Also, the song has been covered so many times that it's a wonder P. Diddy hasn't made "Arrivederci Brooklyn, You Mark Ass Bitches"
Practice squad running back Vai Taua is of Samoan heritage (though born in California) but he might say "Tofa" as a goodbye. As you know, Tofa Latupu is the bizarro version of our former linebacker. The word "tofa" isn't one of the most famous foreign words for bye and if you Google it you might get:
Tournament of Flash Artists
Token of Appreciation
Taxation of Financial Arrangements
or
Tall Oil Fatty Acid
Tall Oil Fatty Acid is the name of my Wilson Phillips cover band. We are not in high demand, mostly because you can easily book Wilson Phillips for the same cost.
The most common foreign-language goodbye in America might be "Adios" because of the strong Spanish presence within our borders.
The drink "Adios Motherf---er" might be the most notorious drink in America. In fact, when I Googled "Adios" the 2nd suggestion was just "Adios" and the 1st suggestion was "Adios drink" which just goes to show how far we've come from Prohibition. Half of the suggestions are in relation to the drink.
Well done, folks. Well done.
That's it for me, so I guess all that's left to say is.. See ya later.
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