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Seahawks Week 7 Wishes: Will You Go Out With Me Edition

Ahhh, puppy love.

The one thing that is sure to keep a young boy or girl excited about going to school when you're 8-years-old and the one thing that will absolutely make you not want to get out of bed or go to school ever again.

When you're that age, confidence isn't exactly beaming in all of us.  Our fragile psyches can only take maybe one hit and then it could be years of recovery before you ever get the confidence to ask a girl "Do you like me?" ever again. 

We can't all have the confidence of Manny.

Then there's the absurdity of the questions, and the fact that we don't question it until we're in high school. 

"Will you go out with me?"

And where exactly would I be taking you anyway?  I'm ten.  I'm hardly allowed to go anywhere as it is, even if I wanted to, plus I just got this awesome Sega Genesis.  We can't exactly go on a trip to Belize.  It's basically just a need to reinforce our own child egos and we just want to hear that one word:  Yes.

Once you hear "Yes" life is pretty much downhill from there on out*.  All that's left to do after a girl says "yes" is apply hands to back of head, apply feet in a crossed leg-over-leg motion onto table, and lean back in chair.  You've made it kid, you're not a loner.  You're a mere two weeks away from holding hands in the hallway.

*Life is actually downhill for only several hours after that.

But we put our heart on a platter constantly, especially when growing up, and you can only hope that each time you put your heart out there for the world to devour, that you're left with several pieces when it's returned to you.  Sometimes, they'll just :shrug: at it and there's nothing you can do about that.  Just move on to the next one.

As if The Simpsons wasn't poignant in every article I write.

Today I put my heart on a platter for none other than our own cherished Seahawks.  As if any of us really had a choice.  Chances are that if you are reading this, then several sports teams already own your soul and you still choose not to break up with Seattle.

You haven't broken up with a Mariners team that hasn't made the playoffs in a decade.

You didn't break up with the Huskies or Cougars (or other relevant college to you) after the football teams regularly competed for "Worst in the Nation" for several years.

Hell, how many of us are still writing poems and leaving 2 am phone messages for the Seattle Suuuuuupppppeeeerrrrsooonnniiicccssss?  (Cancel the whole season please.)

Nope, they got us right where they want us.  No matter how crappy the relationship may be, we as fans will always be there for you.  We'll be pushing for counselling.  We'll change.  Whatever it takes, lets stay together for the kids and even if the bad memories outweigh the good, we'll hold onto those good memories more vigorously and more vividly than any of the bad ones. 

We'll never forget the Edgar double or the Seneca touchdown.  I've already forgotten the 2011 Mariners. 

Right now I'm just a boy, standing in front of a team, and asking them to love me.  I mean, to win.  Not love.  That would be crazy... haha..ha.. sigh.  Here are some heartfelt notes to the Seahawks:

For Beast Mode:

I would apologize for the crappy handwriting if it wasn't, sadly, better than my actual handwriting.

I know its a dumb, terrible, stupid, traditional stat, but I would like to see the Seahawks continue to run the football well and gain some yardage on the ground.  Last season under Pete Carroll and Jeremy Bates, the Seahawks ranked 28th in the NFL in rushing.  Well, we kicked Bates into the woods faster than the Hendersons did to Harry and brought in Darrell Bevell from Minnesota. 

The Vikings have run the ball as well as anyone in the league, but is it possible that Adrian Peterson is just the best running back in the league?  (Yes.  Yes it is.) 

This season the Seahawks have attempted the fewest carries in the league and rank 29th in rushing and not doing much better in yards per carry, with 3.8.  That's uglier than this:

Beast, your Mode.  WOOF!

There's light at the end of the tunnel now, though.

Marshawn Lynch is coming off, perhaps, his best game as a Seahawk and he didn't do too badly against the Cardinals either. 

The Patriots, Saints, and Packers have proven that you don't have to have a great running game or a great running back in order to win championships.  So long as you have an All-Pro quarterback.  That is something the Hawks do not have. 

The Browns, like us, do not have a good rushing offense.  Unlike us, they struggle to stop the run and rank 27th in rushing defense.  If Joe Haden plays (status "up in the air") then the Hawks will have to, and should be able to, run the football.  Let us dominate the ground game and I believe we will achieve SUCCESS!

For the Seafense:


Turnover numbers generate the most obvious conclusions: The Seahawks have forced seven turnovers in their two wins, and zero turnovers in their three losses.

Sometimes a "forced" turnover is merely a by-product of luck, but oftentimes it's just the little things that the defense does well that make the football magically break up with the offense and start going out with the other team.

A hand that goes up at the line of scrimmage to deflect a pass.  A tackle with a sweet body-punch.  A sack of a quarterback who is not well-trained on what to do when he's being tackled. 

The Seahawks forced five turnovers against the Giants, and it was just enough to overcome their own three giveaways that day.  Getting to the quarterback has not been our strongsuit this season and Browns tackle Joe Thomas is one of the best in the business at protecting his man. 

The Browns have one, and exactly one, turnover in every game this season.  That's three Colt McCoy interceptions and two fumbles.  Montario Hardesty and Peyton Hillis have each fumbled once this year, while McCoy has fumbled four times, some of which have obviously been recovered. 

With Marcus Trufant out, that leaves it up to Brandon Browner, Walter Thurmond, and Richard Sherman to blanket a mediocre bunch of wide receivers and force McCoy to do something he hasn't done much this year: turn it over.

That's three guys with a combined 11 NFL starts, all of which are interesting, and none of which are proven.  This is going to be their time to prove that they've got what it takes to make it in this league, and I've got optimism that they will do just that.  Their job on Sunday won't necessarily be to make interceptions, as the first job of a cornerback is to simply to do whatever it takes to keep a wide receiver from getting open, and if they can do that then it might open the door for Earl Thomas and Kam Chancellor to make the big play.

For Tarvaris:


Seriously though, Tarvaris, please play.  By the time this post hits the inter-waves, I hope that I've heard that Tarvaris Jackson is starting.  Did I really just say that?  (Edit: Good timing idiot!  Oh well, the sentiment remains.)

Yes I did.

While not perfect, Jackson has proven to be the right quarterback for this team at this time, and whether Whitehurst is or isn't doesn't matter to me right now.  I can't see how he could be better based off of all the opportunities we've had to see Charlie play and now that we've seen Jackson enough, I do believe he's capable.

He just posted perhaps his two best games as a Seahawk against Atlanta and New York, and I think he's becoming more comfortable in going downfield. 

Then he had to fall down, go boom-boom, and get hurt.

It seems like the Hawks have been luckier with injuries this year than they have in the previous two or three, but we've still seen some unfortunate games missed and that's the nature of football.  But Tarvaris, please be well.

For Doug Baldwin:

It's hard not to like a guy named Doug.  There have been many good Dougs thoughout history:

Doug Benson

Doug Stanhope

Doug Flutie

Doug Christie

Doug E Doug, the best name that was in show business for six months

and then of course theres just Doug

There might only be one creepy Doug in the history of Dougs, Doug Hutchison, and he married a 16-year-old that looks old enough to be his wife:

She thinks The Green Mile was in black-and-white it's so old

One day they will all be surpassed in Google by our very own Doug Baldwin. 

With 20 catches for 330 yards, DB Fresh has managed to win over our hearts unlike he was ever able to win over the heart of Jim Harbaugh at Stanford.  (At least, that's what Doug's twitter seemed to suggest this week.)  The Fresh Prince of Bald-Air seemed to find a significant groove with Whitehurst and was the benefactor of six targets from Charlie against the Giants, catching all six for 90 yards.

That's not to say that he hasn't had a good thing going with Tarvaris, they're just in an open relationship. 

Dougie Howser MD and the rest of the offense will face a top passing defense, depending on the health of Haden, but it would be nice for him to continue being productive out of the slot.  I don't care if thats only 4 catches for 50 yards, just keep moving the chains. 

I notice from looking at the Browns box scores this season that they're allowing most of their yards given up in the air to tight ends, so wouldn't it be nice for Zach Miller to show up?  (Debating within myself to say this, but Zach Miller drops passes like Zach Morris drops classes.  I have no regrets.)  That is of course, if Miller is healthy enough to show up.  Then Anthony McCoy needs to step up.

Finally a note to Pete Carroll, simply implying that I'd like to throw the football around for a bit.  I think you'd make a good dad Pete.  I love my own father, but perhaps we could do a Father-By-Committee situation for when he's away.  Just to talk about football and girls and stuff.  Thanks Pete.  (And thanks Mac on It's Always Sunny for the inspiration to tell sports figures how you feel!)

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