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Eight Simple Things About Eli Manning

Eli Manning should be an inspiration to us all.  An example that parents give their kids to motivate them.  An American hero living the American dream.  


Because Eli Manning has proven that anybody can win a Super Bowl. 

"Mommy, I want to be Pwesident!" said the young lad.

"Well son, if Eli Manning can win a Super Bowl, I don't see why you can't be President.  Though, you're 14 and you still say 'Pwesident' but hell, if Eli Manning can win a Super Bowl..."

Yes, let Eli's face and speaking mannerisms inspire you to follow your dreams and know that there's always a chance.  Let his statistics and play on the field show you that sometimes others will carry you to your goals. 

America needs Eli Mannings.  Sometimes America is run by Eli Mannings.  So thank you Eli. 

Here's Eight Simple Things about One Simple Person:

Eli Manning is a 30-Year-Old QB Prospect

Doesn't it seem like every season is the season where Eli is supposed to live up to his pre-draft hype?  He wasn't only drafted first overall, he was drafted and then traded to the New York Giants because Eli and Archie Manning threw a boo-hoo party about the idea of going to San Diego. 

Seriously, have you ever been to San Diego?  Its F^%!$ng beautiful! 

If I'm a star athlete and I get to pick and choose where I get to live out my dream of fame and fortune, San Diego is definitely in the top 5.  Far be it from me to understand why Eli does anything that Eli does however. 

It worked out for the Chargers, as they received Philip Rivers, Shawne Merriman, and Nate Kaeding in return for the snot-nosed kid who went to a franchise that had a richer history and greater exposure on the national landscape.

I suppose he knew that he could never do what his brother had done, and turn around a franchise to become an NFL legend and a God to the people of Indianapolis, so Eli chose to be a big fish in a giant pond.

Looking at Eli's career now, and you can see why he didn't want to be the total center of attention.  With exception to 2009, every season where you say Eli was a top 10 NFL QB, there's serious flaws in his game.

In 2005 he had a 24-17 TD-INT ratio... while completing 52.8% of his passes.

In 2006 he had a 24-18 TD-INT ratio... while completing 57.7% of his passes, for 202 YPG, in an 8-8 season.

In 2007 he won the Super Bowl... leading the league in interceptions, 56.1% completions, 73.9 QB rating.

In 2008 he made his only Pro Bowl after only throwing 10 interceptions during a 12-4 season.... because he had a career low in attempts for 202 yards per game, basically admitting that the less Eli the better.

In 2010 he led the league in interceptions again with 25.

Yes, there's parts of Eli's game that are favorable, and he has seemingly gotten better with age as his QB ratings, yards, completion percentage, touchdowns have all risen a little bit.  Probably something you would have expected to happen in his third and fourth years, not his eighth. 

Eli Manning is off to the best start of his career with 8 touchdowns against 2 interceptions through the first 4 games, but whether or not he can continue that through an entire season against a number of tougher defenses has yet to be seen.


Eli Manning Has a Brother

In fact, he has two.  But as much as you'd like to hear me talk about Cooper Manning, I won't.  Nobody will.  I'm pretty sure that their parents forget on a daily basis that Cooper exists, and call the police every time he enters the backyard without knocking first.

Ever since Peyton Manning became a legend at Tennessee and then a legend in the NFL, people have been trying to turn Eli into something of similar status.  Try as I might, this square block simply won't go into this triangle shaped hole.

Here is a list of brothers in the order of how good they are relative to their sibling, from best to worst:

Luke Wilson

Emilio Estevez (1-2-3, Trip-Le-Deke)


Casey Affleck

Daniel Baldwin

John Belushi

Joe Jonas

Tito Jackson

Ozzie Canseco

Ron Gallagher

Cooper Manning

Billy Baldwin

Eli Manning

Congratulations to Eli for being dropped off by the stork on the doorstep of the football family.

Eli Manning's Best Season was His Worst Season

Once you've won a Super Bowl, the rest of your career usually becomes cake and nobody will remember anything about that season other than the fact that you were the quarterback of a Super Bowl winning team.  Here's the interesting part about it: It was probably his worst season as a quarterback.

According to Advanced NFL Stats, his .39 WPA (Win Probability Added) was the worst of his career (not including his short rookie season) by almost 100% and that score includes 4 playoff games.  During just the regular season, he put up a WPA of -.61!

That score was worse than players like Rex Grossman, Brodie Croyle, Kyle Boller, JP Losman, Quinn Gray, and Cleo Lemon to name a few of many that season.

The Giants ranked in the bottom third in the NFL in passing yards, interceptions, and yards per attempt.  By having a top 10 rushing offense and a top 10 total defense, the Giants were able to just get by for a wild card berth and Eli had one of the best four game runs of his career.

He has made the playoffs 3 other times and is 0-3 with 2 touchdowns and 6 interceptions.

Eli Manning Escaped a Sack Once

Here is an image of the best play in Eli Mannings career:


Eli Manning has Weapons

I like to call Eli Manning "AIG" because he's the most bailed-out quarterback in the league.  It seems to me that the Giants have a plethora of good wide receivers and perhaps even a bit underrated because they don't always put up huge numbers.  But now Eli has, in my opinion, the best wide receiver he's ever had and its showing in the numbers this season.

Hakeem Nicks has established himself as one of the top 10, if not top 5, wideouts in the NFL.  It seemed to me that he was mostly unnoticed when he was drafted 29th overall out of North Carolina in 2009 but he quickly hit the national radar with a 54-yard touchdown catch in his 2nd NFL game, and touchdowns in 4 of his first 5 career games.

Last season he caught 11 touchdowns in only 12 starts and had 79 catches for 1,052 yards.  In the games I've seen him play, he reminded me a bit of Brandon Lloyd, like the really good version of Brandon Lloyd but on a consistent basis. 

Because the passes are never a sure thing to land right in his lap, you may see Nicks make some highlight catches on Sunday, and he is one of the best in the world in making highlight catches.

On the other side, look out for Victor Cruz.  The undrafted free agent rookie (but not in competition with Doug Baldwin for best undrafted free agent rookie because Cruz was drafted (edit: UNDRAFTED!) in 2010!) has had to fill in for Mario Manningham and Domenik Hixon, and he's responded with 9 catches for 208 yards and 2 TDs in the last 2 games.

Eli Manning Gave Me a Present Once

It was this picture:

Google Image Search "Eli Manning Drunk" for all the fun variations.

Eli Manning isn't as Good as Jason White

And Jason White doesn't even have an ACL in either knee!

In 2003, Eli finished third in the Heisman voting behind Oklahoma QB Jason White and Pittsburgh WR Larry Fitzgerald, proving once and for all that wide receivers (and any position thats not QB or RB) gets completely screwed in Heisman voting.

The quarterback thing I understand, but running back?  If any position in college is as assisted as running back is by teammates, its got to be the running back position.  I give credit where credit is due, and Lord knows that I wish the Seahawks had a player like Darren McFadden, but show me where just anybody can do what Larry Fitzgerald or Calvin Johnson can do.

Two players that blocked for Eli Manning in college were former Seahawks Stacy Andrews and Chris Spencer.  I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. 

According to Wikipedia, Jason White was accused of setting up hidden cameras in the changing rooms of the store he owned (The Athlete's Foot) which means that by proxy Eli Manning has probably setup hidden cameras in the Giants locker room.  Ahmad Bradshaw beware.

Eli Manning Lacks Self-Awareness

I want to finish this article off by saying that it is not right for me to pick on Eli Manning so much.  On the other hand, even if Eli Manning read this article, would he have any idea I was talking about him?  It's pretty clear to me that even Eli doesn't know who he is.

Just this year Eli was quoted as saying he considers himself in the same class as Tom Brady

Does Eli look into the mirror and see Peyton?  Does he really believe people are talking about him in the "Manning or Brady?" debate? 

Either I am confused or he is confused when he states, "I know I'm not a 25 interception quarterback."  Then who was that guy who put on the Giants uniform that said "Manning" on the back and threw 25 interceptions?  Have you secretly been paying somebody to pretend to be you all of these years?  In that case, my deepest apologies.  Because then what I mean to say is that "THAT guy is overrated" and you are perfectly okay.

I think the most logical conclusion was the Eli got confused.  He thought that he was comparing himself to Bobby Brady, because he's the youngest of the three boys.  And in this case we must agree that he clearly is the youngest Brady son.  Touche Mr. Manning.

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