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Jeff Fisher Joins St. Louis Rams: The Interview Process

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"How many Mannings do you have?"
"How many Mannings do you have?"

The St. Louis Rams have announced that Jeff Fisher is going to be the next head coach of the franchise and to my knowledge, they don't even have a GM yet.

Maybe that's part of what appealed to Fisher about joining. Maybe it was having the still best QB in the conference. Maybe it's the fact that San Francisco, while the #2 seed, still appears to be less than a future dynasty. Maybe it's the appeal of the having the second pick in the draft.

There are many reasons why Fisher chose St. Louis over Miami, and why shouldn't there be? This is a huge difference for a coach that was already considered to be a modern coaching legend, despite his lack of championships and playoff appearances relative to years coached.

He spent 16 years in a division that basically coincided with the career of Peyton Manning, and he was not the guy coaching Manning. That's rarely a good thing.

Fisher is 53 years old and can probably coach for as long with the Rams as he did with the Titans and then call it a day, or he might just be here for a few years and move on, unable to turn the Rams around from a bottom-feeding team in most of the last five seasons. Either way, the NFC West just got a little bit more interesting with this new edition. It's certainly a lot more interesting name than Steve Spagnuolo ever was. And that's nothing against Spags, it's just, he's not a name like Fisher.

I wonder how those interviews went.

Jeff Fisher interviews with Miami Dolphins

Fisher: How many Peyton Manning's does the division have.

GM Jeff Ireland: My friend, we have none.

Fisher: Awesome. What do you have?

Ireland: We got a Sanchez! And a Fitzpatrick!

Fisher: Beautiful. Beautiful. But that's only two. What do we have?

Ireland: Well, we have Matt Moore but we think he's going to be okay. However, we're willing to discuss an upgrade.

Fisher: Okay.. okay.. and the other one?

Ireland: What other one?

Fisher: What other QB?

Ireland: Ummm... well... let me check with one of-

Fisher: Jeff. What other quarterback is in this division?

Ireland: Tom Brady.


Ireland: But DUDE. He's super old. I think he's older than Manning.

Fisher: That math doesn't work out.

Ireland: We've got Reggie Bush.


Jeff Fisher interviews with St. Louis Rams

Rams Owner Stan Kroenke: Jeff, thanks for meeting with me.

Fisher: Thanks for the opportunity.

Kroenke: Hahaha.

Fisher: Hahahaha.

Kroenke: Okay, we don't have the best team in the NFL, but you know what I can offer you?

Fisher: What's that?

Kroenke: Well Jeff, do you like Wal-Mart?

Fisher: You mean, the Wal-Mart?

Kroenke: Yuh-huh. My wife is the daughter of Bud Walton.

Fisher: Holy shit! You must be Uncle Phil rich!

Kroenke: You could say that. Well, how would you like a 15% discount on all Wal-Mart purchases?

Fisher: All? What about the Mary-Kate and Ashley collection?

Kroenke: I'll even throw in 50% on out-of-season stuff.

Fisher: Hunting gear?

Kroenke: Done.

Fisher: What else?

Kroenke: Free tickets to Colorado Rapids games.


Kroenke: Soccer. MLS.

Fisher: Go on...

Kroenke: Free tickets to Colorado Mammoth of the National Lacrosse League and Colorado Avalanche.

Fisher: Come on...

Kroenke: Denver Nuggets?

Fisher: Oohhh. Carmelo Anthony huh?!

Kroenke: Uhhhh... yeah... that's right. Anthony.

Fisher: How many Peyton Manning's do you have in this division?

Kroenke: Oh. NONE. We've got an Alex Smith.

Fisher: Pshhh.

Kroenke: A Kolb/Skelton.

Fisher: HA!

Kroenke: And a Tarvaris. A TARVARIS!

Fisher: OMG!

Kroenke: I know right! And you got a Bradford, who we will totally protect next season. Pinky swears!

Fisher: Okay... okay... 25% discount.

Kroenke: ... 20%.

Fisher: Deal.


Kroenke: Take off that shirt.

Fisher: Yes sir... *hangs head*

(If you say that another blogger has total rights on all interview dialogues, please feel free to leave it in the comments!)

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