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Just before the season started, I wrote this article predicting every game of the NFL season, but just because it's "silly" and I'm the "funny jokemanmaker" doesn't mean that I wasn't being serious about the outcomes of the games. Well, most of them... (I did have the Bills and Jets tying twice, but eventually the NFL decided to just split the difference after Week 11.)
Now that many teams are at the midway point, I thought it would be a good time to look back and see how I did. And you know what? I feel the opposite about it as how I feel about my weight and general appearance: Not bad.
I wasn't right about everyone. I was wrong about the Bucs, the Texans, the Falcons... you're usual suspects. But I also was right on the money for the Chiefs, the Saints, the Bengals, and of course, the Seahawks. (This being the Prediction Prediction post not the Perfect Seasonne Post. Don't confuse your posts.)
1. Jaguars (0-8) Last week: 1
Where I had them after eight weeks: 1-7 (win over the Chargers) and playing on Mars as the Jagmars.
Up next: Bye
2. Buccaneers (0-7) Last week: 2
Where I had them after eight weeks: 4-3.
Belief in the Bucs was a mistake, don't overlook a clearly-bad coaching situation.
Up next: at Seahawks
3. Vikings (1-6) Last week: 4
Where I had them after eight weeks: 3-4
Their top three corners have combined for seven pass deflections (Browner and Sherman have eight apiece) and zero interceptions. They need to play against their own quarterbacks more often.
Up next: at Cowboys
4. Rams (3-5) Last week: 5
Where I had them after eight weeks: 4-4
Despite a good showing against the best team, St. Louis always plays the Seahawks tough. Kellen Clemens will have a very rough second half of the year.
Up next: vs Titans
5. Texans (2-5) Last week: 6
Where I had them after eight weeks: 6-1
Up next: vs Colts, SNF
6. Falcons (2-5) Last week: 9
Where I had them after eight weeks: 5-2 after an 0-2 start. I should have went with my gut!
Up next: at Panthers
7. Steelers (2-5) Last week: 7
Where I had them after eight weeks: 1-6
Was I only right out of spite? Who cares! The Steelers suck!
Up next: at Patriots
8. Giants (2-6) Last week: 3
Where I had them after eight weeks: 2-6
They've turned it over at least once in ever game but are now 2-0 when they turn it over fewer than three times. If the key to winning is just not turning it over three times, then actually the Giants are still in trouble.
Up next: Bye
9. Eagles (3-5) Last week: 13
Where I had them after eight weeks: 2-6
Lost to New York but Matt Barkley played most of the game. That should never happen again.
Up next: at Raiders
10. Raiders (3-4) Last week: 8
Where I had them after eight weeks: 2-5
Up next: vs Eagles
11. Redskins (2-5) Last week: 11
Where I had them after eight weeks: 3-4
I still think they will bounce back and win the division, sorta like being the best member of the Spice Girls.
Up next: vs Chargers
12. Bills (3-5) Last week: 10
Where I had them after eight weeks: 1-6-1
A few months ago I actually thought the Bills, Raiders, and Cardinals were the worst teams in the NFL. Yes, worse than the Jaguars.
Up next: vs Chiefs
13. Browns (3-5) Last week: 12
Where I had them after eight weeks: 2-6
A respectable quarterback away from maybe being the surprise team in the NFL, but that's a pretty big missing piece.
Up next: vs Ravens
14. Titans (3-4) Last week: 14
Where I had them after eight weeks: 2-5
Titans seem to refuse to move out of the 14 spot every week. Like, they refuse to, not that I have any say in the matter.
Up next: at Rams
15. Ravens (3-4) Last week: 19
Where I had them after eight weeks: 5-2
Despite all of these bad AFC teams, only two games separates the Chargers (4-3, leading for second Wild Card) and the Steelers, Texans and their 2-5 records. Jacksonville is literally the only team out of the hunt in the AFC.
Up next: at Browns
16. Jets (4-4) Last week: 15
Where I had them after eight weeks: 1-6-1
If New York is a city that's so nice you have to say it twice, maybe that explains why the Jets are bipolar!
Thank you, thank you. You can catch me at The Laughatorium on the 7th and buy my book "I'm Not Eating That!"
Up next: vs Saints
17. Dolphins (3-4) Last week: 16
Where I had them after eight weeks: 2-5
Despite the close race in the AFC, only a few of those teams have actually played well. Miami has lost four straight but they've hung around in most of those contests and still play the Chargers once and the Jets twice. I think they are more balanced than most of the middle.
Up next: vs Bengals, TNF
18. Cowboys (4-4) Last week: 21
Where I had them after eight weeks: 2-6 following a one-point loss to the Lions.
I picked Dallas to collapse and it's clearly not too late for that.
Up next: vs Vikings
19. Bears (4-3) Last week: 17
Where I had them after eight weeks: 6-1
The Jay Cutler injury came sooner than expected.
Up next: at Packers, MNF
20. Cardinals (4-4) Last week: 18
Where I had them after eight weeks: 1-7
Ray Horton is doing a great job with the defense in Cleveland, Arizona is doing a great job on defense without him. Only a game back of the second Wild Card.
Up next: Bye
22. Chargers (4-3) Last week: 20
Where I had them after eight weeks: 4-3
Up next: at Redskins
22. Lions (5-3) Last week: 22
Where I had them after eight weeks: 5-3
Right on the money with Detroit. If they can stay healthy, they can hold off Arizona.
Up next: Bye
23. Patriots (6-2) Last week: 24
Where I had them after eight weeks: 4-4
I actually predicted that Tom Brady wouldn't play well and that he'd be replaced by Tim Tebow. I was half-right! And seriously, what the heck, I was half right? Brady, likely injured but also not playing with a full deck, is averaging 5.9 yards per attempt. That's 30th in the NFL, tied with Brandon Weeden.
Up next: vs Steelers
24. Bengals (6-2) Last week: 25
Where I had them after eight weeks: 6-2
My Super Bowl pick is right on track. The bottom 11 teams in the AFC range from "meh" to just plain shitty but the top five teams in the AFC all look pretty good and fairly even.
Up next: at Dolphins, TNF
25. Packers (5-2) Last week: 26
Where I had them after eight weeks: 5-2
Lost to the Bengals and 49ers, biggest win is over Detroit. Green Bay's remaining schedule sets up for an easy 12-4 finish or better but it's hard to say if they're good enough to win in the playoffs.
Up next: vs Bears, MNF
26. Panthers (4-3) Last week: 23
Where I had them after eight weeks: 5-2
My Carolina prediction is fairly accurate, because they are really good. I had to get them closer to the Chiefs, because I think the Panthers defense is better and so is their offense. Maybe not their special teams, maybe the home team wins in a game versus CAR-KC, but still, don't ignore that the Panthers might be one of the top five teams in the NFL.
Up next: vs Falcons
27. Chiefs (8-0) Last week: 29
Where I had them after eight weeks: 8-0 and during their eighth game I said that Alex Smith would hit IR. That hasn't happened but HEY I SAID THEY'D BE 8-0!
And then I had them lose some games to end the year, which still looks likely to me. Kansas City might finish 12-4.
Up next: at Bills
28. Saints (6-1) Last week: 28
Where I had them after eight weeks: 6-1
Can I get like, some recs, or something? Perfect score!
Up next: at Jets
29. 49ers (6-2) Last week: 27
Where I had them after eight weeks: 5-3
Five straight dominating wins, only lost to Seahawks and Colts. Next two games (CAR, @NO) will go a long way to proving how good they are, they still are looking for a good win since Week 1 (34-28 over GB.)
Up next: Bye
30. Broncos (7-1) Last week: 31
Where I had them after eight weeks: 5-3
Denver was tied 7-7 with Washington at the half and trailed 21-7 in the third quarter. Sure, they won 45-21, but still, I think we're all finding out the keys to beating the Broncos. Seems like every other team in the bottom seven has a defense good enough to stop them.
Up next: Bye
31. Colts (5-2) Last week: 30
Where I had them after eight weeks: 4-3
Up next: vs Texans, SNF
32. Seahawks (7-1) Last week: 32
Where I had them after eight weeks: 7-1 with a loss to the Texans.
I believe I have them finishing 13-3, but that could be a lowball. Even after last night's scare, Seattle has escaped the tougher half of their schedule with a 7-1 record and short-handed on offense. It should only get better.
Up next: vs Buccaneers