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It's time for the un-Power Rankings for Week 11!
One of the main reasons I hate Power Rankings so much is that I'm not exactly sure what they are supposed to be telling me. Are they telling me how good the teams are at the time? Later on? If a team can fluctuate so much from week-to-week, then are you just constantly lying to me? And don't you dare ask the question that every sports website with an SEO-genda wants you to never ask:
What exactly is the point of a Power Rankings article anyway?
There really isn't one other than to drive traffic and piss off 31 fanbases because nothing drives traffic more than pissing people off. One way to think of it:
Say something positive as an author:
"Oh nice."
"Yeah, me too."
31,000 lurkers.
Say something negative as an author:
65,000 comments and 21,000 shares on Facebook.
It's called, "New York Posting It!"
Sorry, that's the truth of Power Rankings. Anyway, thanks for coming to my unPower Rankings article! The only one that's legit up in this mug. Do you want to know how good your team is now, or where your team is going to finish? Because as Pete Carroll says, "Finishing is the coolest." or something.
So I'm going to give you the unPower Rankings of Week 10 and the Power Rankings finish by the end of the season. To make it less confusing, I used traditional power rankings in conjunction with unPower Rankings, and of course unPower Rankings and Power Rankings carry different methodologies to reach their final conclusion and thereby... well, you'll figure it out.
Plus the end of season playoff seedings, because that's what the people want to know!
1. Jaguars (1-8) Last week: 1
Games left against winning teams: 2
Jacksonville isn't going 0-16!
But will Gus Bradley be able to avoid being the tenth team to go 1-15? Out of all ten franchise to go 1-15, how many of them won a Super Bowl since? And I mean, ever since, no matter when that 15-loss season was?
Four!
The 1991 Colts won a Super Bowl 15 years later, the 1980 Saints won it 29 years later, the 1990 Patriots won it 11 years later, and the 1989 Cowboys only waited three years. The Jets, Chargers, Rams, Dolphins and Panthers have not won a Super Bowl since losing 15 games and only the Panthers (2001 15-losses, 2003 Super Bowl) appeared since.
The Jags will go 1-6 over their final seven games with a win over the Texans in Week 14.
Where they finish on the power rankings: 32
Up next: vs Cardinals
2. Buccaneers (1-8) Last week: 2
Games left against winning teams: 4
The Bucs also aren't going 0-16. They win home games over the Bills and Falcons and finish 3-13. Greg Schiano calls owner Malcolm Glazer "an insufferable douchebag" and is immediately given a 10-year contract extension.
Where they finish on the power rankings: 29
Up next: Falcons
3. Vikings (2-7) Last week: 3
Games left against winning teams: 5
Not only do they have five of seven games left against teams with winning records, but their other games are against the 4-5 Ravens and 5-5 Eagles.
The NFL's toughest remaining schedule, the Vikings finish 3-13 with only a win over the Eagles to show for it. Fun ensues when a baby is left on the doorstep of the apartment shared by Matt Cassel, Christian Ponder, and Josh Freeman with a note that says one of them is the father. But will these three bachelors be able to raise a little girl? And is that really a cardboard cutout?
Where they finish on the power rankings: 31
Up next: at Seahawks
4. Raiders (3-6) Last week: 4
Games left against winning teams: 3
Terrelle Pryor will have a better season running the ball than Darren McFadden has ever had and McFadden (1-of-1, 1 TD) is having a better season as a passer.
Where they finish on the power rankings: 30
Up next: at Texans
5. Falcons (2-7) Last week: 6
Games left against winning teams: 4
Speaking of coaches that will never be head coaches again, when has a Mike Nolan defense ever been great?
Where they finish on the power rankings: 27
Up next: at Buccaneers
6. Texans (2-7) Last week: 7
Games left against winning teams: 3
Does anyone else think that the Houston Texans are in the beginning of the "Case "Tony Romo" Keenum" era? The Texans pick up three more wins this season.
Where they finish on the power rankings: 22
Up next: vs Raiders
7. Bills (3-7) Last week: 12
Games left against winning teams: 2
A winnable schedule for most teams, Buffalo has games left against the Falcons, Bucs, Jags, and Dolphins. They haven't allowed less than 20 points in any game this year, haven't scored more than 24 points in any game, yet are "only" 3-6 and "only" 24th in scoring D and 21st in scoring O.
I know that a Doug Marrone offense is considered to be high-powered but geez, slow down, Bills!
Where they finish on the power rankings: 25
Up next: vs Jets
8. Redskins (3-6) Last week: 13
Games left against winning teams: 2
A seven-game winning streak to end the season this year is a lot less likely than it was last year. Even if they only have two games left against teams with winning records, the Eagles are .500 and the Giants have won three straight.
It turns out that the Rams higher pick will be the one that they get from Washington.
Where they finish on the power rankings: 26
Up next: at Eagles
9. Titans (4-5) Last week: 14
Games left against winning teams: 4
I've been complaining that the Titans keep grabbing the number-14 spot. Well this week they lost something that was of no surprise and one thing that was unbelievable. Complain no more!
Where they finish on the power rankings: 28
Up next: vs Colts
10. Dolphins (4-5) Last week: 17
Games left against winning teams: 4
We knew that the Bucs rush defense was great and that the Dolphins offensive line was terrible, but oh my. The Dolphins had twice as many rushing yards as they had turnovers. And they only had one turnover.
Where they finish on the power rankings: 24
Up next: vs Chargers
11. Rams (4-6) Last week: 5
Games left against winning teams: 5 (out of 6)
They've lost five straight games against NFC opponents and they're done with their AFC schedule (3-1 against the other conference.) Yet somehow they finish 6-10 anyway.
Where they finish on the power rankings: 20
Up next: Bye
12. Steelers (3-6) Last week: 8
Games left against winning teams: 3
Pittsburgh has two remaining games left against the Browns. They will lose them both, something that hasn't happened since 1988.
Where they finish on the power rankings: 23
Up next: vs Lions
13. Giants (3-6) Last week: 9
Games left against winning teams: 3
Man, how are they doing it! What a comeback! Unbelievable! Also, while I'm shouting, did you know that the last three quarterbacks that New York has faced are the Josh Freeman Vikings, the Matt Barkley Eagles, and Terrelle Pryor's Raiders?! Also, the next quarterback up for them is the Scott Tolzien Packers!
Wow, that's a low price!
Where they finish on the power rankings: 19
Up next: vs Packers
14. Ravens (4-5) Last week: 11
Games left against winning teams: 5
Beating the Bengals would have been a lot more impressive if how they finished wasn't so unimpressive. They can managed two wins over the rest of the season.
Where they finish on the power rankings: 17
Up next: at Bears
15. Jets (5-4) Last week: 16
Games left against winning teams: 1
Only one game left against a winning team (at Panthers) but the Jets have four road games left and they are 1-3 on the road so far. Almost all of their magic has come at home. The second wild card won't come out of the East.
Where they finish on the power rankings: 18
Up next: at Bills
16. Packers (5-4) Last week: 20
Games left against winning teams: 2
Aaron Rodgers was throwing a touchdown every 16.7 pass attempts. Seneca Wallace and Scott Tolzien have thrown a touchdown once every 63 pass attempts.
They have 63 pass attempts so far, is what I'm saying.
Rodgers won't return this year unless the playoffs are still a possibility. They won't be.
Where they finish on the power rankings: 21
Up next: at Giants
17. Eagles (5-5) Last week: 10
Games left against winning teams: 3
In their only two losses since the end of September, Matt Barkley played a game and a half. Week 17 against the Cowboys will be for the division.
Where they finish on the power rankings: 12
Up next: vs Redskins
18. Browns (4-5) Last week: 15
Games left against winning teams: 4
Go Big B! Despite a tough schedule, the Browns go 5-2 over their final seven games and secure their first playoff berth since 2002.
One of us. One of us. One of us.
Where they finish on the power rankings: 11
Up next: at Bengals
19. Chargers (4-5) Last week: 18
Games left against winning teams: 4
The Chargers will be 8-7 going into their finale against the Chiefs needing a win to make the playoffs. Obviously based on what I just said above, they won't get it.
Where they finish on the power rankings: 16
Up next: at Dolphins
20. Cowboys (5-5) Last week: 21
Games left against winning teams: 2
They are 1-4 on the road and three of their next four games are away from that giant monstrosity they call home.
The Eagles win the NFC East.
Where they finish on the power rankings: 15
Up next: Bye
21. Bengals (6-4) Last week: 23
Games left against winning teams: 1
Despite two straight overtime losses on the road and the loss of Geno Atkins, the Bengals can't blow the division with their remaining schedule. Plus like I've been saying all along, they're going to the Super Bowl. I can't stop now!
Where they finish on the power rankings: 10
Up next: vs Browns
22. Cardinals (5-4) Last week: 19
Games left against winning teams: 3
Next five games: Jaguars, Colts, Eagles, Rams, Titans.
The 9-5 Cardinals will face the Seahawks and 49ers to end the season, knowing that two wins will get them back into the playoffs. They won't get those wins.
Where they finish on the power rankings: 13
Up next: at Jaguars
23. Bears (5-4) Last week: 22
Games left against winning teams: 1
They'll blow it.
Where they finish on the power rankings: 14
Up next: vs Ravens
24. Lions (6-3) Last week: 24
Games left against winning teams: 1
Not only will the Lions not blow it, but the Saints or Panthers shouldn't get too comfortable in the two seed. The Lions will finish 12-4.
Where they finish on the power rankings: 8
Up next: at Steelers
25. Colts (6-3) Last week: 31
Games left against winning teams: 3
I fell into the same web of lies that everybody else did. Sometimes really good ball control can just be extraordinary luck. (Seriously, will we ever be able to escape "pun not intended" with this guy?)
The Colts turned it over six times in their first eight games and then five times against the Rams. And got destroyed for it. All three of their losses (Dolphins, Chargers, Rams) are likely to teams that won't make the playoffs. Of course, they will win the South and probably the three seed, which is major.
It's going to be a real dogfight between the Bengals and Colts over the rest of the year to see who struggles less. The winner gets to face a team like the Jets, the loser gets the Chiefs or Broncos.
Where they finish on the power rankings: 9
Up next: at Titans
26. Saints (7-2) Last week: 25
Games left against winning teams: 4
It's not even so much that they play teams with winning records, the Saints play four marquee games over the rest of the season: 49ers, Seahawks, Panthers, Panthers.
They'll come up short but wind up with a wild card.
Where they finish on the power rankings: 6
Up next: vs 49ers
27. Chiefs (9-0) Last week: 26
Games left against winning teams: 3
I don't think your defense can be considered elite when you're ranked 27th by DVOA against the run. I'm still confident that all of the teams ranked below the Chiefs should be favored against the Chiefs. Two of their next three games are against the Broncos, we'll know soon whether they've been disrespected.
(They haven't.)
Where they finish on the power rankings: 7
Up next: at Broncos
28. Patriots (7-2) Last week: 27
Games left against winning teams: 2
The offense is as full-strength as it's gonna get. It's still pretty strong, but the defense has caught up.
Where they finish on the power rankings: 5
Up next: at Panthers
29. 49ers (6-3) Last week: 30
Games left against winning teams: 3
They crushed their five previous easy games and then barely lost to a great team. The defense is still allowing just 11.8 points per game over their last six. Overall it seems they're good at everything, bad at nothing, great at nothing. They could be a lot better though when Michael Crabree comes back.
Still by the end of the year it's confirmed that Colin Kaepernick is no Russell Wilson.
Where they finish on the power rankings: 3
Up next: at Saints
30. Panthers (6-3) Last week: 28
Games left against winning teams: 4
They are pretty hard to beat when they can manage even average performances on offense and defense.
It's cool to think that in both Seahawks trips to the Super Bowl, they will have beaten the Panthers in the NFC Championship game.
Where they finish on the power rankings: 4
Up next: vs Patriots
31. Broncos (8-1) Last week: 29
Games left against winning teams: 3
The only thing that I actually think would make them better would be if their pass defense was stronger than their run defense, rather than vice versa. If their pass defense was better, they'd just be unstoppable. It's kind of pointless to have a good run defense (sixth by DVOA going into Week 10) when you're constantly ahead. It might come in handy if they face a team like the Seahawks in the Super Bowl, since they'll have to try to come from behind all day long.
The Broncos will still finish 14-2 and as the number one seed in the AFC.
Where they finish on the power rankings: 2
Up next: vs Chiefs
32. Seahawks (9-1) Last week: 32
Games left against winning teams: 3
They still haven't played with Percy Harvin, they've still spent much of the year without Russell Okung. It was a year ago that Seattle still hadn't hit their low point (falling to 6-5 with a loss to Miami) and they are 14-1 since then.
It's amazing how critical we can be of a team that's won 14 of their last 15 games, short-handed, against plenty of good opponents, and often on the road. I hate to say they've even got a single loss left on their schedule, but I'll be conservative and tell you they finish 14-2.
But a loss to whom?
Where they finish on the power rankings: 1
Up next: vs Vikings
FINAL PLAYOFF SEEDINGS:
AFC
1. Denver Broncos (14-2)
2. New England Patriots (12-4)
3. Indianapolis Colts (11-5)
4. Cincinnati Bengals (10-6)
5. Kansas City Chiefs (13-3)
6. Cleveland Browns (9-7)
NFC
1. Seattle Seahawks (14-2)
2. Detroit Lions (12-4)
3. Carolina Panthers (11-5)
4. Philadelphia Eagles (9-7)
5. San Francisco 49ers (12-4)
6. New Orleans Saints (11-5)