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ESPN NFL Power Rankings: Seahawks, 49ers top the charts

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After finishing the regular season as one of the hottest teams in the league, the Seahawks prove once again that ESPN has a serious bias towards the West Coast wait what?

"We up here now, you see?"
"We up here now, you see?"
USA TODAY Sports

"Okay that last jam you heard was one of my favorite joints, 'Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now' by Jefferson Starship. Chip, that's the theme song to the greatest movie of all-time, Mannequin, what do you think about it?"

"Seems to me like something stopped them, Kenny."

"You are too right about that. But at least Andrew McCarthy is still the biggest star in Hollywood. So as we move to the 3 o'clock hour, you know what that means, it's time to countdown the Hot 100. These are the 100 hottest teams in the NFL, and it starts with-"

"But Kenny, aren't there only 32 NFL teams?"

"Shut the hell up, Chip. I'm doing a bit here. I'm Kenny Kasum and starting off the Hot 100, it's those bandits from the Northwest, the sexy, sumptuous, sweet, soothing, satisfying, saturated, Seattle Seahawks. With their newest number one hit: "Suck It, East Coast.""

The Seahawks top ESPN's power rankings right now, is what I am saying. It seems to be kind of a big deal because we are just the little old nobodies that America once told, "Go sit in the corner." But then Pete Carroll and John Schneider stood up to America and ESPN and said, "Nobody puts baby in a corner." That's just something that I came up with.

Of course, at a certain point you start to worry and wonder about whether or not Seattle is getting "too much" hype right now and to that I say this: It really shouldn't matter. The Seahawks were the not-favorites for every other year of their existence and haven't won a Super Bowl yet. The only thing that matters is that they go out there and try their hardest and then we'll take them for ice cream afterwards. The other thing that probably matters is that I linked to a Mannequin music video before I linked to ESPN, but I've still got some things to work through.

Coming in second on the charts is the 49ers, putting the "two best teams" (per ESPN) in the NFC West. So this is a pretty big deal because technically if the world ends today, we won the Super Bowl? No, it doesn't matter, but it is a thing. And that thing brought you here. And now you talk about it.

I'm positive that in no way will this become a flame war between Seahawks fans and 49ers fans. Impossible.

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