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Things to do with Tyrann Mathieu while you're getting high

The Honey Badger has been linked to the Seahawks and there seems to be a logical fit. So what are you guys going to do while you're "chillin"?


Former LSU cornerback Tyrann Mathieu, one of the most polarizing NFL prospects of our generation, reportedly told coaches that he failed at least 10 drug tests while at school, allegedly all in relation to marijuana. This addiction to marijuana, also known by street names such as "weed", "pot", "grass", "hemp", "doobies", "spliffs", "blunts", "chronic", "greens", "herb", "reefer", "dope", "mary jane", "skunk", "boom", "ganja", "hash" or "hashish", a "roach" or "joint", "bangarang", "cool uncle Larry", "Buddha", "sklip", "Nick Papageorgio", "flint", "ting tong", "Randy Moss", "bong money", "tip top", "flip flap", "skuttlebutt", "LeRoy Hilltop", "fairy dust plus bud minus fairy dust", "woozle wozzle", "Scarface Saturday", "kush", "Kush by Sapphire", "Kush-ups", "where's the reef?", "truffle shuffle surprise", "appetite delight", "munchies starter", "pre-Fritos", "Gordy", "a very special episode", "honey badger", "goose and maverick", "holy rollers", "burnt memories", "I think Donna's high", "Mahat-my Ganja", "Denzel Washingblunt", "grip", "lala", "trizzle", "grizzle", "Mary and the Janedersons", "coupe de trill", and "Macaroni", eventually cost Mathieu his career at LSU.

Now Mathieu is on the path to clearing his name and trying to prove to NFL coaches that he's gotten past this stage in his life and is ready to clean up, get his act straight, and focus on football.

My opinion on the matter is that a lot of NFL players, a lot of NBA players, a lot of baseball players, a lot of hockey players, a lot of Burger King employees, a lot of Harvard students, a lot of moms, a lot of coaches, a lot of teenagers, and a lot of writers smoke marijuana. I'm not going to give any more detailed information on the matter, only that a lot of them probably do and the only thing that makes you a good employee (which includes being an athlete) and being a bad employee is that you're focused on your job and able to do your job when asked of you. Michael Phelps is the greatest American swimmer of all time and with those lungs also probably takes mind-blowing bong rips, with photographic evidence.

The problem with Mathieu would lean heavier towards the fact that the dude failed at least 10 drug tests moreso than the fact that he was doing drugs. Can you imagine Les Miles on the tenth failed drug test? That they had let him keep playing after nine failed tests and the dude still couldn't figure out when to put the pipe down or how to get a homeys piss? And that's only when Mathieu stopped keeping count! I imagine a running gag where at the end of each practice the Honey Badger fails a drug test, and then they just look at each other while the audience claps and laughs when the singing voice comes in and says:

"The Hon-ey Bad-ger! He just can't stop smoking weed!"

Next week on The Honeybadgers:

"Honey, I'm home!"

"Hey I thought you were Honey!"

"Oh sweetie."

"Did you fail a drug test today?"




(audience laughter)

The Seahawks have met with Mathieu and actually seem to be a pretty good fit for one another on the field. If Mathieu profiles best as a nickel corner, he could be one of the best in the league while taking a year to sit behind a veteran (like Antoine Winfield perhaps) and then get guidance from an experienced media-handling defensive back like Richard Sherman, another guy that knows a few things about drug tests. And yes, marijuana is legal or something in Washington now but it is still against league rules.

I don't really care what a person does off of the field or away from work, as long as they aren't doing serious harm to themselves or others, and truthfully neither should any coaches and probably don't. I mean, if they don't hear about it, then what's the harm? But failed drug tests put the team in jeopardy. That's the issue.

If Mathieu does decide to roll back and "puff a slingbomb", then here are just a few ideas of what you can do together while you're "floating on sunshine":

- Watch some of Mathieu's game highlights from sophomore year in high school

- Check out those SNL Digital Shorts on YouTube that aren't copyrighted

- Unplug the fridge and then wait awhile and then eat all of the ice cream before it melts

- Talk about what's buggin' you

- Listen to some music from an artist you haven't heard before and say that you like it

- Talk about that girl that got away from freshman year in college and then sending her a text message and that was probably a bad idea but you won't regret it for hours

- Play Wii. It's just a fun thing to do

- If you get "too high" and paranoid that you are the only one, just remember that the other people you are with are thinking the exact same thing

- Watch a "weed movie" because I think they've made a couple of those

These are just a few ideas. And since you're with the Honey Badger, please remember to smoke responsibly. That means reminding him that he's got a test coming up, but you'll probably forget.

Get "chingy" with Kenneth on Twitter and share a "bomb-bomb"