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Ugh: Don't even talk to the Seahawks until they've had their coffee

Looks like Seattle has a case of the Mondays.

"the airplane goes zoom into the hangar!"
"the airplane goes zoom into the hangar!"

Oh my God, did you guys see the Seahawks schedule? Stupid bitch ass NFL giving us five games at 10 AM. Umm, excuse me bitches but we like to sleep in on Sundays. Working our hard mothra-funking booties off for six days a week, we would APPRECIATE some mothra-funking time to get up, hit the snooze eight times, coffee, shower, coffee, dump, and then maybe if you is lucky, we will play some football.

Punk ass bitch ass league showin' favoritism to the forty-niners. Yeah, call me when they playin' at mothra-funking niner in the mornin', beeyotch! I am sick and tired of these mothra-funking games on this mothra-funking schedule!

"You are historically the best Monday night football team in the league and you get two of those games."

But the mothra-funking forty-WHINERS only have two 10 AM games!

"So what? You have consistently said that you are better than the 49ers, so why don't we instead just let the games play out and not put too much emphasis on something that you don't actually know is a major advantage."

Yes I do!!!


They always lose at 10 AM!!!!

"Show me."


"Yeah, the Seahawks have historically been a bad road team period. All teams are worse on the road, and Seattle has struggled a bit more partly because of geographical location perhaps and partly because the Seahawks have historically been a bad team."

Nah, it's worse than you think!

"Nah, it's not as bad as you think. Back in 2011, the ESPN NFC West blog tracked 10 AM games for the Seahawks between 2003-2010. They were a terrible 7-24 at 10 AM for a winning percentage of .226. So it's all about 10 AM right? Nope. They were 3-10 later than 10 AM on the road, for a winning percentage of .231. The difference is negligible."

No way, you make that up!

"This is going to be hard for you to hear, but listen up: The Seattle Seahawks do struggle on the road, but at a certain point you have to ask yourself if you're grasping for straws in regards to why "the league hates us." The league does not hate the Seahawks, they love money. Always remember that 95% of decisions come down to making money because this is big business.

It's the same reason that Seattle is on primetime four times; because the Seahawks are one of the best draws in the league right now with Russell Wilson, it will make them the most money. It's as much favoritism towards Seattle for the benefit of four games that you can watch from anywhere in America as it is to say that the schedule "did us no favors" by putting them on display at 10 AM PST. It's money money money and more money. The NFL is as balanced as it can possibly be while also realizing that competitive balance is also a part of making as much money as possible but so is things as simple as what time you play.

If you think that it is "unfair" I have got some bad news for you, because the most realistic way to make it fair would be to geographically change the location of Seattle or the Seahawks to another time zone or region of the country and you don't want that do you? I can guarantee you that Wilson, Carroll, and the rest of the team aren't sitting somewhere right now wondering if it would be easier to forfeit those games and save travel money. They aren't traveling to Carolina, New York, and Houston just for the miles. Whether it was at 10 AM or 1 PM, a road game against a good team is still a road game against a good team. And I assure you that fans of the Colts and Texans are thinking, "Damn. That is a tough ass home game." because it will be. Because the Seahawks are good."

How good?

"Good enough to win three or four or all five of those games. If you can't overcome a little jetlag to stay competitive and possibly win some football games at a time when your internal clock is set for 10 am (and we are talking about athletes that have gotten to this level largely because they are at the gym at 5 am everyday) then I'm not sure what we are even doing here. The Seahawks beat the Bears in Chicago. They beat the Panthers in Carolina. They should have beaten the Lions and Dolphins. What are we complaining about?"

Sorry mister.

"It's okay."

I hope that this helps put to rest a little of the constant tension being thrown about due to some early road games. We need to get over it and be happy that we don't have to wait as long on Sundays to get our Seahawks football and then have that much more time to talk about football for the rest of the day. Frankly, I'm always annoyed when there are three afternoon games on and somehow I still don't wind up with Seattle down here in Los Angeles. I don't know why it would be any more pertinent to play the Giants, but that's just how it is.

Damn league showing us no favoritism, that's what!

Follow Kenny on Twitter but not until he's had his coffee!