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Friday's Seahawks observations with Kenneth

If the season doesn't start soon, I'm going to get a life.

i was actually looking for a picture of jon ryan
i was actually looking for a picture of jon ryan
Steven Bisig-USA TODAY Sports

During the season, it's not that hard to pump out 3-4 articles a week. There are things happening, games to discuss, jokes to unleash onto the public with such fervor that you're more likely to die of suffocation via laughter from reading my hilarity than smoking, heart disease, and rollercoaster accidents combined. At least deaths are way down during the offseason.

Mini-camps are starting though, so that's a thing. It will be followed by another thing and then several other things. Perhaps this is really my last chance to be so bored that I am contemplating shit that i never wanted to contemplate:

- What are we doing here?

- Is there life on other planets?

- Where do Larry and Balki go when I turn the TV off?


- Why didn't I shave today?

- Why is my hair so gray?

- Gray or grey?

Sorry for the picture of my face. The shit that I think is a good idea rarely ever is. With that being said, here's some motherforking observations that I've had today:

The Seahawks have as many wins right now for next season as the Jaguars

I'm fairly confident that the Seahawks will make the Super Bowl and probably win the shit out of it, but it's also important to remember that they haven't done anything yet. Seattle was good enough to win the Super Bowl last season, when I believe they were better than any team in the league by the time their season ended, but it also didn't happen.

I don't think that the Seahawks are going to finish with a similar record as Jacksonville or Oakland or any other team that is supposedly going to be awful, but at this moment nothing counts as a win. And wins are all that matters.

The Seahawks were one of the best and most talented teams in the NFL last season and then added Percy Harvin

Here are a couple of articles from last year on Percy Harvin and being in the MVP race:



Harvin led the NFL in receptions after right games with 60. CBS Sports named Harvin, not Adrian Peterson, as the Vikings first half MVP.

If Percy Harvin was in The Godfather, he'd be Babe Vigoda.

You know I'm not much of a "scheme" guy, but all I can think about is running the read-option with Russell Wilson and Marshawn Lynch last season... and then adding muggerhonking Harvin to the backfield too. That's so non-sensical that it drunk-texted an ex-girlfriend "ii muss youg ;-x"

Steven Hauschka looks better in the face, but Jon Ryan is stronger and has more job stability

Only on Field Gulls!

I came away more impressed with the 49ers after I did the comparison of the two teams

Maybe I was being overzealous when I hit the "PUSH" button at inside linebacker, but most San Francisco fans were rather cordial about my piece, probably because I couldn't decide on who had the better roster. I honestly thought that the Seahawks did, but it's shallow to simply see the losses of Dashon Goldson, Isaac Sopoaga, and Ricky Jean-Francois and think they got worse. Those assholes got better.

On the bright side, Seattle is much younger at some key positions. But as long as Colin Kaepernick is healthy and continues on this path, I imagine that both teams are going to be regulars in the playoffs for ten-plus years.

Most-likely to have post-career in broadcasting:

- Richard Sherman

- Michael Robinson

- Brady Quinn (college football) (he's a handsome man)

Least likely:

- Paul McQuistan

- Earl Thomas (don't think he's ever spoken. he only spoken once: on a television set during the filming of the movie Scrooged when he said "God bless us, everyone.")

Becoming a professional athlete is incredibly hard. You will never even fathom the unlikeliness of making the NFL, even for a few weeks on a rookie contract that goes nowhere. We whittle down millions of high school players into thousands of college players, into roughly 2,800 players under contract right now. And yet, why the fuck are there so many players I've never heard of... even as college athletes?

Seahawks right now:

- Derrick Coleman (of the Philadelphia 76ers)

- Matt Austin

- Bryan Walters

- Alvin Bailey

- Jordon Roussos

- Myles Wade (I've unsuccessfully tried several times to get ahold of Myles because he's an interesting guy, but hasn't been able to get me an email yet. he did do the right thing and follow me on twitter though.)

- Kyle Knox

- Chandler Fenner

- Carson Wiggs (!)

If you saw these dudes at your local Whole Foods you probably wouldn't even get excited. I mean, sometimes you'd say "That's a huge motherflonker!" and you'd secretly wonder "I wonder if he plays football?" but then you'd kinda feel like you were profiling people and then you wouldn't say it outloud to anyone ever but what you would do is go out and see what kind of car they get into and if it's like a $60,000 car you would continue to profile them even harder like what is wrong with you man who cares how someone makes his living damn he's got a hot girlfriend too this guy is big-ballin' like henry rollins "sir you're going to have to pay for that" oh shit I just walked out of the store with these $45 strawberries because I'm at Whole Foods "my bad, hey do you know if that guy plays for the Seahawks?" and then he says "I don't know man, that's kinda racist."

And that's Friday Observations.