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Putting Pounds on Spencer Ware

Football blogging meets food blogging: Where Spencer Ware can eat in Seattle to gain weight.

Otto Greule Jr

Spencer Ware, the player the Seahawks drafted in the 6th round to play FB, weighed in at 218 pounds at the start of rookie minicamp. The average weight for a starting FB last year was 249 pounds. At this point, Ware is significantly below the ideal weight for the FB position.

Pete Carroll, the forever optimist, put it nicely when he said, "He came in at 218 which is a little light for that spot, but I don’t mind at all at this point he wants to come in and compete and battle and be in good shape."

A "little light" is right. 30 pounds is the equivalent to 3 housecats, 4 newborn babies, 6 Chihuahuas, 10 human brains, 15 racks of ribs, 30 guinea pigs, 120 sticks of butter or 240 large eggs. It is slightly more than the average 2 year old and slightly less than a cinder block. 30 pounds of body weight is a lot to be missing. Carroll should have said, "He came in at 218 which is HELLA light for that spot."

A lot of people are hoping that Ware can become Michael Robinson’s replacement at fullback after this year, and the possibility is there that he could win that job in year one. We've had that discussion and we don't need to re-hash it here, but at some point, Ware will likely have to get up to at least 235 pounds, which is the same weight as Jacob Hester –the lightest starting FB in the NFL last year. Michael Robinson weighs 240 pounds and the laws of physics say that a man of his size stands a much better chance of being able to annihilate our enemies, more than Ware does. At 218 pounds it will extremely difficult for Ware to block DEs and LBs, both of which are typical targets for FBs to try to destroy.

Patrick Willis weighs 240, NaVorro Bowman weighs 242, Aldon Smith weighs 258, James Laurinaitis weighs 250, Chris Long weighs 270, Robert Quinn weighs 264, and Cardinals players don’t matter. Even a 218 pound FB would be able to block those guys.

Ok so Ware is a lightweight. How can this be remedied? Anyone that has ever tried to lose weight knows that they key to weight loss is a healthy diet and exercise. Conversely, the key to weight gain is an unhealthy diet and lack of exercise. Since Ware is a NFL player, not exercising is not an option. What Ware can do though, is eat all the delicious unhealthy food that Seattle has to offer. Let’s take a look at the caloric count of the most delicious orders at some of the local favorites. Table time!




Pagliacci Pizza

Large Pepperoni Pizza


Large Pagliaccio Salad







Chocolate Shake


Kidd Valley

Double Bacon Cheese Burger


Deep Fried Mushrooms


Garlic Fries





Bacon Burger


Curly Fries




Teriyaki Madness

House Special


Some ritual trips to Pagliacci would get Ware up to 235 in no time. Hopefully he lives close to one so he can just order this to his house. The people who live close enough to Pagliacci to have it delivered are such lucky future fat people. Half a pepperoni pizza and half of a large salad would give Ware 2180 calories in one meal. Anytime the standard 2000 caloric diet can be cleared in one meal, this is a win.

Two Deluxes, a fry and chocolate shake would get Ware 1706. Nobody over 200 pounds ever gets just one deluxe, unless if they are watching their weight while still eating fast good. If he is a two deluxe, two fries and a chocolate shake type of guy, this would give ware 1936 calories in one meal. Not quite the 2000+ caloric value that Pagliacci provides but a meal from Dick’s should always be viewed as a win.

Double Bacon Cheeseburger, deep fried mushrooms, fries and shake from Kidd Valley would put Ware at 2158 calories in one meal. Another win.

A bacon burger, curly fries and a shake from Burgermaster would give Ware 1679 calories in one meal. Any time there is an option between curly and regular fries, the pick should always be curly. The day that French fries have to be specified as "straight fries" and curly fries are known simply as "fries", that will be a win for humanity.

Seattle has a lot of great teriyaki places but Teriyaki Madness is the best one. Yummy Teriyaki in West Seattle is a close second but Madness is still the best. Sadly, the house special is only 780 calories. A steady diet of Teriyaki will not get Ware to the 235 pounds he needs to be at. Hopefully, Ware occasionally enjoys the delicious teriyaki that Seattle has to offer but doesn’t make it a habit. If Ware is a teriyaki binger, this would be a loss.

It is a shame that places like Jones BBQ, Ezell’s Famous Fried Chicken and grilled polish sausages with cream cheese on Capitol Hill did not have caloric information available on line. These would all definitely be wins though.

So if you see Spencer Ware out partying one night, please buy him a late night polish with extra cream cheese. If he is at Dick’s and only orders one deluxe, make sure to let him know that he is going to want two. If you see him at Kidd Valley, send him over an order of deep fried mushrooms and after the waiter tells him where the food came from, raise your own basket of mushrooms and give him a head nod. If you are the stalker type and find out his address, please order him a large double pep and Pagliaccio salad nightly. If you ever see him at a teriyaki place, tell him that you do everything in your power to help the team win and that you are disappointed that he is not doing the same.

A regular diet of our delicious local fast food is how Spencer Ware can get up to 235 and begin to annihilate our enemies.