clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

Seahawks? More like "Super Cool Dudes"-Hawks

Seattle Seahawks? More like cash money billionaires. The Hawks are the talks, and yes, this shit is real.

this guy looks exactly like a football player and he won't even make the fuckin team
this guy looks exactly like a football player and he won't even make the fuckin team
Christopher Hanewinckel-USA TODA

That is the title of an article you're just starting to read right now. Welcome to the wonderful world of blogging!

It was John Blogger that initially invented "bloggin'" as a way to transmit bits of news and information to the people without the constraints of editors, rules, and using prop grammy-gram and spolling. Blogger named it "blogging" by combining the words "blasphemy" and "Riggs" (his favorite character in the Lethal Weapon movies) and "user."

The name thing was just a coincidence.

Thanks to John, I am able to come to you today with bits of news and information about the Seattle Seahawks.  Wait, Seahawks?  More like "Super Cool Dudes"....  Hawks.

Last night was just the beginning of the 2013 season. It's hard -- nigh, impossible -- to believe how far we've come from a year ago. 'Twas August in the year 2012 that many people, including myself, urged the team to sit Russell Wilson in favor of the "experienced" Matthew "Matty Farts" Flynn.  At least for awhile. The team was going to be built on the strength of it's defense and Marshawn Lynch in the hopes that maybe they could go 9-7 and sneak into the playoffs where anything can happen.

Anything can happen.

Anything can happen.

Anything can sea sea sea sea sea (It also just so happens that during the 2012 season Ellie Goulding's song became my jam, hence the perfect time for the reference, if you are me.)

Remember how Wilson was a "ridiculous" choice to start the 2012 season opener? Remember Tarvaris Jackson was with us last year too, and so was Josh Portis? Remember Barrett Ruud? Remember Terrell Owens, Antonio Bryant, and Braylon Edwards? Remember expectations that included being ranked 22nd in the preseason power rankings by at least one publication? Remember going 4-0 in the preseason and Wilson beating out Flynny in Week 3?  Remember a 4-4 start and calls to bench Russ?  Remember how people are still saying that to troll us?

What ever happened to predictability? The milkman, the paperboy, and J.R. Sweezy?

All of the sudden, since a 30-20 win over the Vikings on November 4, 2012, the Seahawks -- 'scusey -- the Super Cool Dude Hawks, have arguably been the best team in the football save a Super Bowl or Super Bowl appearance. The Ravens won the championship?

Well, pardon me, but I'll have what she's having.

In the 278 days since that win over Minnesota, the team has gone 8-2 with road wins over the Bears and Redskins, and nearly the Atlanta Falcons. They outscored teams by 169 points. They lost two games by a total of five points. They added ten players in the draft and still managed to find a left tackle after the draft that at this point looks like he could start for half the teams in the NFL.

The Super Cool Dude Hawks already had a running back that finished second in Football Outsiders DYAR stat behind only Adrian Peterson, and then those cool dudes drafted possibly the best back in the entire draft. A guy that is already one of the stars of the preseason (woo!) not to mention that Oh Spencer Ware art thou looks pretty legit himself.

The SCDH's traded for a receiver that was getting MVP talk in the middle of 2012 and then when he notoriously got injured, it was no Biggie. Why? Because it just so happens that Sidney Rice Rice is the player so nice that you say it twice. And that Golden Tate is certified platinum. Special props go out to the Arizona Cardinals for not hanging onto Stephen "My name is actually pretty bland, nothing you do here" Williams. Oh and by the by, why ask why, Jermaine Kearse and Doug Baldwin look pretty fly.

Meaniewhile, the 49ers lose Mrs. Krabappel and all hellfire reigns down upon them because A.J. Jenkins is on the "Tommy Boy college" plan apparently and now Ricardo "Sloppy Seconds" Lockette and Marlon "Did you see how I couldn't even get playing time on the Dolphins" Moore are real options to start.

The SCD Hawks needed a pass rusher? Shit muhfuh, they signed the two best of 'em on the free agent market.

The Super CDH's want more pass rush than that? I literally just Google "Benson Mayowa?" with a question mark because where do we keep finding these fockin' dudes?

(By the way, what is Clare Farnsworth doing here:

May 14, 2013 article - Opportunity calls, and Benson Mayowa answers

August 9, 2013 article - Opportunity knocks, and Allen Bradford and Benson Mayowa answer


The Super CD Hawks need help in the secondary? No? Well here's Antoine Winfield and Walter Thurmond fuck you.

I don't know what to do with these feelings. People will look at Seattle fans and they'll say "act like you've been there before" if we're lucky but most likely they'll say "shut up, you haven't done anything yet. This was a preseason game, you are only good on paper. Wilson's a chump, etc." and they'll even say "etcetera."

"Act like we've been here before?" How? We haven't. This team runs laps around the 2005 team. This team takes dumps on 90-percent of other incarnations of what was previously known as the "Seahawks" before their name chance to "super cool."  This isn't about predictions, though I'm feverishly working through my perfect season preview, this is about reality.

This isn't about whether or not it fails during the year, this is about today. This is about the the mega-roster that Seattle has right now, not yet about the five or six really good players that they're going to have to let go in three weeks. This is about the team you saw last night, this is about the team you saw in December of 2012, this is about the Super Cool D Hawks.

The team you know right now, no matter what happens in the next five months, is the best team in the NFL. They're so loaded that they didn't even give any shits about losing literally one of the best players in the NFL for at least half the year. This team could give players the 2009 Seahawks and turn them into a playoff contender and still be a playoff contender themselves. This is a team made up of a team that was pretty good with Tarvaris Jackson in the second half of 2011 plus the best young quarterback we've ever seen, plus another year of experience.

This is a team that has two of the biggest names and faces in the NFL, still not something they even had in 2005 when even their good players were shy and didn't get taken seriously by the other 31 teams and fanbases.

Biased? Blinded by minor victories? Cocky?

I'm just getting started.


Follow Kenneth on Twitter

(Maybe I had two ice cream sandwiches today.)