'Twas the night before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.

The Niner fans, even young, were stuck seeking psychological care,

In hopes that Russell Wilson might be traded there.

The fans were nestled all snug in their beds,

While Christine Michael's mixtape replayed in their heads.

And mamma in her jersey, and I in my cap,

Had just settled our brains for a long winter's nap.

When out in the Clink there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.

Quick like Tyler Lockett I flew like a flash,

Raced down 520 and threw the parking guy $4000 in cash.

I ran and I romped, flying past the open gates,

Attempting to find Russell Wilson and his mates.

What happened next made me give a loud screech,

As Coach Pete, stood on the field, giving his players a motivational speech!

"Now Baldwin! now, Bennett! now, Chancellor and Thomas!

On, Michael! On, Mebane! on, on Russell and Lynch!

To the top of the DVOA charts we go! to the top of the rankings we go!

Now win it all! Win it all! Win it all!"

He sprang to his feet, to his team gave a whistle,

And away they all flew - including Lockette the missile.

And Coach Pete yelled: "Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!"