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NFL players who have names like TV characters or something, I don't care, it's March 16

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Oh lucky us. It's March.

Chris Chambers/Getty Images

God, I am bored.


Aaron Ross

Chandler Jones

Joey Galloway

Daryle Lamonica

Chilo Rachal

Antoine Bethea (pronounced close to Buffay)

Gunther Cunningham

Jeff Janis

I should be at the gym right now.


Jerry Rice

Anthony Castonzo

Erik Kramer (There is also a George Kramer and a Jerry Kramer)

Cosmo Iacavazzi

Jeremy Lane

Terrance Newman

Stephen Peterman

Chris Clemons (Well, his nickname should be "Uncle Leo")

Hal Puddy

Kenny Bahnsen

"Crazy" Joe Danelo (I added the "Crazy" part)

I could have done something else with my life. If only I had paid more attention in school, maybe I could have become a dentist. They seem to have pretty good lives and if they aren't that good, then at least I know I've read they have the highest suicide rate of all professions, which means I would have had an easy out.

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Mack Strong

Charlie Kendall

Dee Ford

Dennis Randall

Frank Gifford

Tom Ricketts / Jared Crick

Van Waiters

Artemis Robinson (still in college, why the fuck do I care about following "rules" for this bullshit nonsense March article)

Charlie Kendall's mom

Mack Strong's mom

Christian Ponderosa

Donovan McNabb

Bruce Mathison

I know some people are going to respond that there were some "better" names I could have given. "Better"? This list doesn't mean a fucking thing.


Letroy Guion (Nickname is "Baloo" probably from the cartoon, like what the fuck, how could this count?)

(I'm not sure about "Don Karnage" but how the fuck has an NFL player named DON not taken this opportunity?)

The Wildcat Formation

Jim "Mad Dog" Mandich

Najeh Davenport (Nicknamed "Dump Truck" as well as "Dookie."  Remember, this is the dude who fucking shit in a hamper.)

I don't know who Kit Cloudkicker would be, with the exception of my firstborn son or daughter.

"Kit Cloudkicker could be Jon KITNA!" said someone in the comments. I'm spending 6 hours of my worthless life looking for NFL names that kinda resemble characters from stupid fucking TV shows that for the most part have been off the air for over a decade. You think I don't know that there's a "Kit" in "Kitna"?


Coach John Fox

Coach Hayden Fry

Luther Hayes

The real life fuckin' Dauber, I don't know.

Okay, well, that's been this. I'm gonna go swipe right on Tinder a bunch and get two matches and then decide to message neither of them because my standards are too high for a person who spent half of their free time on a Wednesday matching TV characters to NFL players.