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Hot take! Jared Goff, the new King of LA

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Who'll be the Rams' new number one QB? Having no inside information or expert knowledge, I'll still tell you who, because my emotional gut reactions are always right.

Trevor Ruszkowski-USA TODAY Sports

I know who the Rams have pegged as pick number one.

So, you may ask, which half of the two-headed hut-hut hydra is it, Jared Goff or Carson Wentz? Experts are divided. The Goff-ites hold that Jared's closer to pro-ready, while the Wentz-ians point to Carson's purportedly higher potential. It's a conundrum, and the stakes are nothing less than the future of the franchise.

Given such uncertainty, perhaps it would be wise to re-examine all the quantitative data pertinent for contrastive analysis in an attempt to logically deduce the superior quarterback.

Just kidding. Don't do anything of the sort. I'll tell you who LA is picking to be the face of their franchise, and it's the guy with the more franchise-ready face.

Welcome, Jared Goff, to the Los Angeles Rams.

Why, you may ask, Goff and not Wentz? That's easy. It's for the same reason the Rams just mortgaged their future for one of two shaky QB prospects: $$$

Just ask yourself this: which quarterback could more feasibly be portrayed by Ryan Gosling in a movie? Don't try to sell me on Wentz, ‘cause I'm not buying, and getting people to buy is what the Rams are all about. How else to make sense of their recent trade?

So get ready to crown Goff the new King of LA. The Rams want a golden boy who looks the part, an all-American guy with an all-American smile. Getting an all-American athlete would be just a bonus. Think "Friday Night Lights," not "Monday Night Football."

Sorry, Carson, but It's just business. Put bluntly: the Rams are new in town and need to keep momentum in a fickle market. Playing winning football sells tickets, but Ryan Gosling playing Jared Goff playing football sells the brand. It's the LA way.

Who knows, Goff may prove to be a better quarterback than Wentz, and this time next year the point will be moot. But don't be surprised if Goff flames out quicker than you can say "Kardashian."

Not that the Rams care. Goff is the better bet to be a surefire fan-friendly unit shifter, and for a mercenary organization thinking pay off not playoffs, that's all that matters.

The champagne's still drying on the side of the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum, and already the team's spending draft capital like a trust fund kid in a nightclub VIP room. Didn't the Rams learn anything from the RG III fiasco? Where do they think Michael Brockers came from?

No, whoever is pulling Les Snead's strings isn't stupid. That's why Thursday's trade is, for the Los Angeles Rams, not about winning football games. If it were, then they'd have bigger problems than who to take at number one.

The Rams are calculating, just not about football. You can do the math. And this time, I'm not kidding.

It's the Rams who are the joke.

(I think Skip Bayless would be proud)