As many of you know, the Seattle Mariners have finally reported to Arizona in order to begin Spring Training. This signals the beginning of baseball season, a welcome sight for many Seattle sports fans.
While fans of the Seattle Seahawks span the entire United States - and globe for that matter - I don’t think it’s too much of a stretch to assume that a fairly decent percentage of Field Gulls readers root for the Mariners. I myself am pretty damn excited to watch the Biz absolutely rake in 2017.
Because of this, we’re going to navigate the multiverse to locate an alternate reality in which the Seahawks are, in fact, players on the Mariners.
We’re going to explore every position and roster role on Seatown’s resident baseball team and determine which Seahawk fits best in that capacity.
Yes, indeed, this is about to get interesting.
Left Field - Tyler Lockett
We begin this study by delving into the leftmost portion of an outfield that Sir John Trupin has dubbed ‘The Mariner Layer.’
Lockett is perfect in left field due to his ability to cover ground quickly and make impressive basket catches. His talent is similar to that of Nori Aoki, except he’s not shitty at most things.
It also doesn’t hurt that his nickname is ‘No-E.’ No errors for this guy.
Let’s move on.
Center Field - Earl Thomas
This one can’t be any more obvious. Earl already makes $10 million per year playing center field for the Seahawks.
Thomas’s ability to diagnose immediately when the ball becomes a projectile leads to unmatched range and an uncanny ability to prevent big plays for opposing offenses.
Expecting to bloop a ball over the top of the defense in the deep middle third? Think again.
The Mariners like to put the most intense yet fun-loving guys out in centerfield.
This is something I can get behind.
Right Field - Ahtyba Rubin
The Mariners have a knack for sending lumbering human beings out to right field, sacrificing speed for brawn. While filling the ‘Dad’ role is ideal after Seth Smith’s departure (congrats to DeShawn Shead by the way!), there is nobody more fit for this position than Rubin.
Even the most dynamic offensive players in the game can’t sneak anything past Tuba. The 330 lb. defensive tackle is a prototypical Mariner right fielder and nothing you say will convince me otherwise.
First Base - Jimmy Graham
The Mariners need a plug-and-play slugger at first base, and Graham is definitely that guy. While he has the inherent ability to snag any ball with one hand (yes, I know, that is indeed what baseball players do), he can turn any throw into a home run.
With the game on the line, Graham steps up to the plate and out-muscles just about anyone in an effort to help his team win.
Second Base - Russell Wilson
Russ literally plays second base for the Texas Rangers.
A trade is necessary, but this could be pretty realistic.
Third Base - Richard Sherman
The hallmark of a top-tier third baseman is fantastic defense. Sherm provides just that.
With an enormous wingspan, sneaky speed, and high baseball IQ, the Stanford product has everything it takes to man the hot corner.
On the other side, he has the ability to house one every once in a while:
Sherman is a shoe-in for the position.
Shortstop - Doug Baldwin
Do you happen to know the one common theme that spanned each MLB team reaching their respective league’s championship series? An elite shortstop.
Francisco Lindor. Troy Tulowitzki. Corey Seager. Addison Russell.
Dougie brings a fresh new playing style to shortstop - that of a madman hellbent on destroying the hopes and dreams of every soul unfortunate enough to slap a ground ball within a mile radius of him.
Baldwin has gone underrated around the league for many years, but has entered the national discussion after back-to-back stellar campaigns. His ability to snag just about any ball in (not so) close proximity makes him a steal for the M’s at shortstop.
Designated Hitter - Kam Chancellor
Instead of using words to explain why Kam should be the designated hitter, I’m going to show you a series of visuals explaining why Kam should be the designated hitter. Please enjoy.
I think you get the idea.
Poor Vernon Davis...
Catcher - Michael Bennett
It’s a no-brainer putting Black Santa behind the plate. He is an utter technician in the backfield and would talk mad shit to his opponents to get inside their heads.
The best part is without a doubt his hypothetical home run celebration. Bat flips and pelvic thrusts galore.
Starting Pitcher - Bobby Wagner
Last year, we forgot what having an elite talent at the center of your team feels like. We forgot how one player can make such a tremendous impact on a team’s ability to hold another team scoreless.
Well this season reminded us*.
Wagner’s ability to individually wreck offenses makes him the perfect man for the job.
* In case you’re wondering, this is an allusion to the inevitable reemergence of Félix Hernández as an elite starting pitcher. Yeah, I said it.
Relief Pitcher - Thomas Rawls
Inning eaters generally remain unsung heroes in this business.
When given an opportunity, few are better than Rawls at running down the clock and mowing down his opponents.
In crunch time, the burly back can get it done with the best of them. A dependable player with the innate ability to maintain leads?
I mean, I’m down.
Closing Pitcher - Jermaine Kearse
The one trait required to be the closer for the Mariners? The ability to consistently blow saves.
Edwin Diaz is an anomaly in this regard, meaning he will likely be let go. This opens up a cornucopia of methods for Kearse to interfere with Seattle’s chances of winning.
Pitcher Who Saves the Team’s Ass After the Blown Save - Tanner McEvoy
Oh, you already know who it is. THE T-TRAIN IS ON THE WAY TO SAVE THE DAY.
McEvoy, while not a starter per se, is the one true X-factor on this squad. If he rolls, Seattle rolls. It’s as simple as that.
McEvoy’s rookie year in 2016 was extremely promising. In 2017, he truly has the ability to lead his team to the promised land.
October should be fun.
Go Mariners and Go Hawks.