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Eddie Lacy signing means Seahawks fans will be held hostage by the dumbest storyline of 2017 training camp

Lacy, a “perfect fit” according to Seattle’s restaurant industry, wins the offseason

Dallas Cowboys v Green Bay Packers Photo by Hannah Foslien/Getty Images

In a wildly astute maneuver, Eddie Lacy’s managers managed to relocate him from the shores of Green Bay, Wisconsin, which, in all fairness, has lovely summers and a community-wide investment in football but—let’s be honest—is kind of a desert when it comes to Asian cuisine ... to one of the culinary hubs of the Pacific Rim. I suppose Lacy, who has a storied predilection for Chinese takeout (nod to Ben B), could have just as well found some of his favorite dishes in other West Coast cities (or really any actual city), but this way he doesn’t have to play for the 49ers or Chargers or Rams.

So the move, signing with the Seattle Seahawks for the not-so-dim sum of $5.5 million with $3 million guaranteed, makes Lacy one of the clear winners of the 2017 offseason. Another plus for Lacy: He will no longer be forced to spread form-fitting bright yellow pants over his haunches.

However, Seattle’s acquisition of Lacy for running back depth instantly starts a countdown that will become the dominant question hanging over the Seahawks’ training camp season: How many shrimp rolls can Eddie Lacy consume before August?

Lacy and his eating, or his various regimens to control the eating, or his coach’s public dialog with Lacy’s eating, have been a resource for fun on the internet since the Packers drafted him in 2013, when a photograph of Lacy at his first offseason workout appeared to show the second round pick looking overweight. Later evidence demonstrated the unflattering pic was not a true representation of Lacy’s fitness—because of the angle or the way Lacy’s body was contorted or whatever—and he went on to win Rookie of the Year after rushing for almost 1,200 yards. Yet Lacy has always been a bigger back and the “fat” narrative persisted, especially in 2015 when he supposedly weighed more than 260 pounds during the season and both his production and usage declined significantly. In 2016 Lacy’s worldly figure finally shattered his own ankles. No, I’m kidding. Lacy was actually good in 2016, but he did suffer an ankle sprain that sidelined him for 11 games after surgery in October.

Even after Seattle signed Lacy Tuesday, rumors already started leaking that Lacy had showed up to free agency visits as heavy as he has ever been.

Personally, I don’t care how much Eddie Lacy weighs and I enjoy watching big fellows run over people (plus I don’t mind running through multiple platters of fried rice in one sitting myself). But now these stories will be endless fodder for speculation about Lacy’s training during the summer and shape in the preseason (don’t mention “fodder” around Eddie, though, please), which will undeniably become annoying by July.

If the close scrutiny of what arm Christine Michael was holding the ball in or how many sprints Jimmy Graham joined became repetitive, wait till updates day after day after day of magnified patches of folds (or are they bulges of flesh?) in Lacy’s practice jersey. And then of course will come the requisite reaction of folks demanding that flow of conjectures and shaming about the 26-year old’s body stop. This is all cheerful when it happens to someone else’s team, but I expect it to become tiresome in the Seahawks community. If Lacy actually wins the starting running back role, then the prospects for the whole 2017 season may seem to hang in the balance of Lacy’s diet like so many noodles dangling from his mouth.

And that, my friends, is more than I can swallow.